Post # 1
I was, but didn’t realize it until I found my current bf! Has that happened to anyone else?
It’s funny, looking back everything just wasn’t quite ‘perfect” with the other guy… I had come down to visit him for a week. And the proposal wasn’t romantic and in at a buffet restaurant infront of ALOT of people (I don’t like making scenes or being infront of crowds, I get very embarrassed and anxious), it was on his lunch break and he went back to work after like it was just part of his to-do list! The ring wasn’t quite right (not that I didn’t love it, I loved the gesture at the time, and I never said anything)… And I felt like I had to say yes… even though I thought it was too soon.
But I feel like everything just falls into place when it’s the right guy… I mean, the same night my ex cheated on me is the same night I met my current boyfriend (who had recently gotten divorced because she cheated), so we became friends (my first one in town because I had moved 2000 miles to be with my ex) and “bonded” over our similar relationship history. I ended up breaking up with my ex six months later (and him cheating a few more times and denying it every time) the next day I was hanging out with Jason and things just clicked, we’ve been together everyday since, he even gave me a place to stay while I tried to find an apartment I could afford by myself, gave me a job to help support myself… Well, I ended up never leaving his house and we’ve been together/lived together for six months now and things are just so much EASIER than with my ex… Has that happened to anyone else?
(sorry that was super long, you deserve an award for reading all of that!)
Post # 3
yeppers i was engaged three times previously (M says never though because it was never like our relationship was lol)… but M is the only person that got down on one knee and asked me to marry him… I <3 him so much and I know that i was searching for him. and i found him and i get to become his wife in december!!!!
Post # 4
Yup, but I dodged that bullet, thankfully. I was unaware of what a pathologic situation I was getting myself into until I finally got myself out. Luckily, things worked out just the way they were supposed to!
Post # 5
@mrs. dg: perfectly said!!!!!!
Post # 6
I’ve never been engaged, but the guy I dated before Mr. KM and I had briefly talked about the eventuality of marriage for us… good lord, I don’t know what I was thinking.
Post # 7
Yes. My high school boyfriend proposed (sans ring, on a whim) while we were on vacation and “took it back” a day later. I can vividly remember how happy I was for a few hours, and how crushed I felt later. Eh, he was an a**hole.
That experience makes it very easy for me to not talk about weddings or engagements with my SO. It doesn’t bother me to be here and talk through things with you ladies, but with him, I don’t want to talk about it unless it’s real. I’m sure I will be absolutely blissful when I’m not waiting anymore. Things are right with him in a deep, inexplicable way!
Post # 8
@minutiae: what’s the deal with them taking it back?! my ex that i thought i belonged with proposed with a ring and took it back 45 minutes later. i have a phobia of that or something, remember i confirmed with M three times before he finally said YES…
Post # 9
@crebre: Well, my ex was emotionally abusive and that was his way of controlling me. So yeah. The Mister is definitely Wrong if he can’t make up his mind on the proposal! Every time MinMan mentions weddings I totally clam up, haha. We’ll be talking, all happy and discussing what we’d like to do over the next year, and he’ll say something along the lines of “When we get married…” And BAM. I shut down. Laugh nervously, skim over the comment, move on to the next topic. It’s just uncomfortable because I still feel the burn from the previous promises.
Ah me. Men and their promises.
Post # 10
my crazy ex and I were all but engaged. I told him early into the relationship (before things went crazy), when we started talking marriage, that I would only accept a ring he paid for himself, not one that his mother bought. He never could quite hold down steady employment, and with his mom paying his rent, buying his groceries and putting gas in his car, I knew I needed to see that he could do SOMETHING for himself.
And then, he never could.
And then, he cheated on me. Twice. And then I left the jerk.
Anyway, before that all though, we were talking and planning a wedding – we had locations and a guest list and a band and I had a dress picked out and everything. All we were waiting for was the ring. Thank goodness I made that stipulation early; I’m pretty sure its the only thing that kept us from getting engaged, and that would have been disastrous.
Post # 11
DG — I’m curious what you mean by “pathological situation.”
I also dodged a bullet. After accidentally guessing my ex’s plan to propose over Christmas, he flipped out and decided not to. A few months later he told me I should pick out a ring online (apparently his first plan was much less coordinated than it had appeared). Looking at rings did it for me — I was really unhappy and had tried to “take a break” with him twice before, and I just realized that there was no way I could spend my life with him and to keep trying to make it work when I was hitting a brick wall was pointless. I dumped him one month later before he could propose. I found out afterwards that he had in fact bought a ring in that time, but he was able to return it.
Post # 12
I was never engaged before, but my ex and I had talked seriously about marriage and I thought the relationship was headed that way. We were together for 4 years. One particular incident during a date gave me the courage to break up with him, thank goodness. I specifically remember thinking ‘if he proposed right now, I would say ‘no”. I broke up with him a week later.
Post # 13
Wow, I can’t believe some of these guys! Taking back a proposal!
I’ve been incredibly spoiled. R and I have been together since the beginning of our freshman year in high school, and our relationship only gets better every year. We’ve had our ups and downs like any couple, but he’s always treated me with respect.
Post # 14
I have been engaged twice before now and this one is definately different. The other two engagments were more forced, not natural if that makes sense:) I know all relationships require work, but it shouldn’t feel like another full time job. This realationship has been almost effortless. I never knew I could trust someone this much, besides myself and family. I am very excited to start our new lives together. We bought the house, now it’s time to tie the knot.
Post # 15
I wasn’t engaged, but we’d talked about it and he had gone to look at rings. We were a long-distance relationship with him being in the military, and I’d found out after he left to go back overseas that he had cheated multiple times both while home and “visiting” his family and where he was stationed. Thank goodness I didn’t move to where he was and gone to school up there- like we’d talked about.
Post # 16
Eh, I was “sorta” engaged before. I was with a guy for 5 years (from high school through my first year of law school) and he did propose our second year together (sans ring) but I told him to try again when I was done with school. There was no 2nd proposal or ring but we had a day picked out and we were 100% planning on being together forever. The problem with him wasn’t him but me, really. I was SO dependant on him, I didn’t have (or want) a life of my own. I didn’t really have friends, I didn’t really have ambitions or hobbies or goals. I didn’t respect myself enough to stand up for what I wanted when it wasn’t what he wanted.
Unlike some of you girls above, I maintain to this day that my ex is a good guy who will make SOMEONE a good husband. We were not meant to be together because we want far different things out of life (him: military career and live to work; me: civilian life and work to live) and we stayed together far longer than we should have because when you’re in love sometimes you think that alone is enough.