anyone "brace themselves" for rude comments from family when announcing?

posted 1 month ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You seem very sensitive? You tried for a very limited amount of time… idk. 

Post # 3
Member
6358 posts
Bee Keeper

highstrungmomtobe :  I think in reality while 8 months may have seemed long to you, it is not as long as some mothers have had to try for a baby (especially naturally).  I think in some terms you may just want to go with the flow.  I dont’ think in anyway you’re going to like what she has to say, but you’re going to have to deal with it regardless.

If she says something along the lines of took long enough I would let your husband answer and just say I guess it did or that you didn’t realize she had a timer on.  In her mind she may have thought you were trying from the moment you were married (so 18 months to her) when it has only been 8 months.

Post # 4
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think there needs to be any focus put on someone saying “finally” or something of the sort. You ARE pregnant, so it’s not as if they are really poking at anything. Who cares what they say. Everyone has their own timeline for other people’s lives. Just be happy you’re expecting!

Post # 5
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Is he close with her? Can he tell her that you are sensitive about it because you had a stressful time getting pregnant?

If he’s not close enough to her to confide in her, I think you should try to prepare for the comments so you can let them roll off of your shoulders. I would think it would be a comment that happened once when you announce and hopefully she won’t make it some kind of ongoing thing

Post # 6
Member
763 posts
Busy bee

You have the power to let comments affect you or not. Especially if you’re expecting it, you can prepare yourself to let it roll off. She doesn’t know you’ve been struggling, so surely she doesn’t mean any harm. I don’t think it’s necessary to make a comment to her, or respond, unless you want to be really open and let her know it took you awhile because you were struggling…most people don’t really think about that. 

Although, 18 months of marriage isn’t a long time. Most couples I know wait a least a year before they think about kids. Maybe you can avoid her comment altogether. 

Post # 7
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is it unusual in your family that people wait to get pregnant after getting married, that she would say something like this? 18 months post-marriage isn’t that long to go before having kids in my circle, so I wouldn’t even expect a comment like that. 

All questions aside, it almost seems like you’re already offended over a comment that hasn’t been made. If you are pretty sure it’s coming, my advice is to just ignore the comment and pretend it was never said or brush over it with a joke.

I mean this kindly, too, but as someone who would’ve loved to get pregnant in just 8 cycles and without assistance, I suggest that you might want to be careful about to whom you complain about your length of ttc to. You might inadvertently hurt a friend who tried/is trying for a lot longer.

Post # 10
Member
7153 posts
Busy Beekeeper

highstrungmomtobe :  when people that I don’t feel comfortable putting in their place say rude shit to me I just settle on a long confused stare and then change the subject/walk away. Some people get a rise out of being offensive so just don’t give it to her. I wouldn’t go down the path of explaining why other people who struggle with infertility would find her comment offensive since you didn’t actually go through infertility – it took me 2 years of trying and ultimately IVF to get pregnant with my daughter and trust me, tell people my story hasn’t make most people less rude or insensitive. 

Post # 12
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I would probably just say “Huh???” and look very confused like you have no idea what she’s referring to. Any explanation she offered would also be met with “what?!” or “what do you mean?!” Hopefully having to overexplain her “joke” or rude remark will take the wind out of her sails.

Post # 13
Member
9546 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

My response would be something like “Yeah, almost as long as it’s taking for you to kick the bucket.”

But probably not advisable. 

Post # 14
Member
905 posts
Busy bee

highstrungmomtobe :  “We recently started trying for a baby…Anyone want any refreshments?” and just change the subject. I dont like ppl prying into why i did things or when i did and etc. Just be vague.

Post # 15
Member
4437 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I just wouldn’t tell her. Try to enjoy the pregnancy but I wouldn’t announce it to everyone so she gets attention for her dumb comments. Let others know privately and if she asks why you didn’t tell her or asks if you are you can tell her yes we are expecting.

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