Anyone CFBC and change their mind?

posted 2 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
4065 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I was CFBC in my early 20s. In fact, Darling Husband almost ended things with me because I was so certain, and he wanted kids. As I got older though, I did change my mind.

A big part of the reason I didn’t want kids was I felt I was too selfish, and didn’t want to give up things like spending money on myself. I couldn’t imagine having to prioritize someone else’s needs above my own, so it didn’t seem fair to have kids. As I fell in love with my husband and realized what a good dad he would be, I reluctantly agreed to give it thought, and not to close the door completely. But I still leaned a lot more towards “no”.

I was probably about 26 when I had 100% changed my mind, and then baby fever hit me HARD. We waited about a year, and then it took us a year to conceive.

I absolutely believe being CFBC is valid, it just wasn’t for me.

Post # 4
Member
10034 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

FutureDrAtkins :  I’m not CFBC but my bestie is and I get what you’re saying about letting her down. Right now we have an active lifestyle where we do a lot of traveling and events together and if I were to have children that would cut that down significantly. It’s hard because I don’t want to let her down or for our friendship to change but we also want a family.

Post # 5
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee

I never really identified as being CFBC (because in the back of my mind, I always had the thought that I might change my mind…even though I know plenty of people who are staunchly CFBC and I agree that it’s totally valid), but in my early 20s I definitely thought I would never want kids. I think for me, I couldn’t imagine a time in my life where I would have the stability I would want to have a kid: husband, house, well paying and solid career. I wasn’t really ready to give up the “single” life (or less carefree life, I guess) so kids were off the table. 

As I got older, got into a serious relationship, got married, began my career, bought a house, etc., I began to consider having kids and when I was 30 we finally decided that we wanted to grow our family. It seems possible now that we can do it and I guess I was ready for the life change it would bring. 

And to answer your questions, I guess around when I was 27-28 I started to consider that I maybe wanted kids eventually, and said that we would sit down and talk about it when I was 30. So when I turned 30, we did and decided to start trying around March of this year and I have my first baby on the way in about 12 weeks D:

Post # 6
Member
14969 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

CFBC is totally valid choice, as is changing your mind about CFBC.  Things change, people change, and I understand changing your mind as the situation changes or you change.  But honestly, this is why I don’t understand why CFBC people get so angry or offended when people don’t “believe them” or tell them that “just wait and see, you could change your mind”.   Because people who were so sure and vocal about being sure do change their minds. 

Post # 9
Member
4065 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

pinkshoes :  And that’s exactly why I felt almost “guilty” when I did! Because people kept saying “Oh you’ll change your mind!”, and it felt so invalidating. So then it really pissed me off to prove them right.

Post # 10
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - City Winery New York, NY

I was staunchly CFBC until about 2 years ago. Interestingly enough, one of my very close friends gave birth to an amazing baby girl about 3 years ago. I’m not saying the correlation is the causation for everyone, but it definitely was for me. 

Post # 11
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

As someone who never ever wanted kids, I will say that it probably had a lot to do with my upbringing. (Single mom, alcoholic dad, we were dirt poor). My dad ended up skipping out on us when I was 8 so it was a tough life. My mom was such a strong woman and we all got through it but no way did I ever want to find myself in that same situation. For years I felt like I could never totally trust a man that way so I would not let myself be vulnerable. Darling Husband and I have been together 10 years and I’ve only felt in the last few months I could finally take that plunge with him. He is so family oriented, kind and loving, and always has been. It definitely took meeting the right person and years of building up trust to change my mind.

Post # 13
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sort of… I’ve wanted kids since I was like 5 years old, but when I hit my teens it became painfully obvious that my family is messed up, and that some of it may or may not be genetic. I tried telling myself for a few years that I’m not like them, and  it will work out – but somehow I kept running into guys with the same character flaws as my dad. I just kept seeing myself with the same miserable family, and could not do that to my future kids.  By the time I was 27, I’d had enough. I  started psyching myself up to live the rest of my life single and child-free. I had it all planned out. Only when I was 28, I met Darling Husband and the world turned right side up again. He’s the only person that I’ve ever felt this safe with, and suddenly it seemed OK again to dream of having a family. 

I also have a friend who was CFBC because he didn’t want to get too attached to anyone after he lost a parent to a sudden illness. There was also a fair bit of “kids are gross” thanks to being expected to babysit some bratty relatives. But those kids grew up and got less bratty, and I think he’s decided after a long time that love is worth the possibility of loss. So he’s not so dead-set against having kids now. 

Post # 14
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

I never wanted kids, even as a kid I said that I never wanted to have kids, I never played with dolls and had no interest in babies in my family. I was staunchly CFBC and pretty open about it. The main reason was that I just didn’t have any interest in children and I never felt drawn to them and didn’t enjoy being around them.

I started changing my mind when I went through a break up with my ex. It made me realize that if a long term relationship can just disappear in an instant, that I might want a more permanent connection with someone (although I know having a kid is no guarantee of that, but that was what was going through my mind in my fragile state). I guess I just wanted something “more”. When I met my husband, I changed my mind even more, picturing what a great father he’d be. We’re TTC now. It still scares me because I still don’t feel drawn to babies at all, but everyone says it’s different with your own. 

I’m honestly embarassed about changing my mind because I really don’t want to validate all the people that said I would. 

Post # 16
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

At the moment I’m CFBC but may change my mind within the near future. I’m on the fence and do get baby fever from time to time. I like the idea of having a child, but not giving birth. Giving birth is probably my biggest set back because it looks so uncomfortable and painful.

If I never have kids I won’t be heart broken, I have a niece’s and nephew’s to spoil anyway. 

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