(Closed) Anyone CFBC and change their mind?

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 16
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee

my cfbc friends that changed their minds did it when they accidentally got pregnant

Post # 17
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2022 - Maui

I went the opposite way twice.

When I got married at 21-ish i was desperate to be super young hip mom by 23/24 but as that marriage developed it became painfully obvious how awful he would have been as a partner and father so I became super anal about my birth control and made sure there was never any chance of it happening. Needless to say the marriage crumbled as his true character came clearer and clearer and I got out. On the heel of that, I was over the top CFBC having a wild time with anyone and everyone i pleaed. Then I met my now-SO and as our relationship has developed I would be good with either one. Weʻre gonna try TTC and see where we get. If itʻs not in our cards then weʻll be just as happy without them but I know heʻd make an amazing dad so I hope we get lucky and land one 🙂

Post # 18
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

DH and I have both been against having kids not because of kids themselves but because of the world we’re bringing them in to. I can identify with several of the PPs in a few things. Some of them are having financial stability, us wanting to own our home and have stability for our child as neither of us did, having a career with benefits, and being married. We both had very traumatic childhoods. I grew up with a single mom because my dad died when my mom was pregnant with me and his dad left him when he was very little. Im still young in comparison to a lot of bees here I think (25) and up until then I was deadset on having NO kids and so was DH. Now we have talked about it and we both want one and want to TTC next year or the following year.  A lot of people say travel and do more because I’m so young but the fact is not everyone wants the same things in life in before having kids because not everyone has walked the same shoes. Having a loving husband, a good career, and stability is enough for the both of us. I really have baby fever at this point and I’m really lookomg forward to TTC and hopefully putting to rest some of the fears I’ve had for so long. Oh yeah one last thing I’m terrified of labor and I’m dreading a post pregnancy body. Those were also contributing factors that haven’t changed. 

Post # 19
Member
678 posts
Busy bee

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pinkshoes :  If CFBC people shouldn’t get irritated when people tell them they might change their mind, I guess that means it’s okay to tell an excited pregnant woman, “Well, you might change your mind about wanting a baby. You never know.”

Post # 20
Member
15529 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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catapple :  Sure, just as soon as you find it as common place for women who say they want kids end up telling you they change their mind after kids as you do CFBCers who change their mind.

Post # 21
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’ve never been remotely of the CFBC mentality, but I have always felt kind of a bland inevitability about having kids. Kind of like, “yes I will get to that at some point because that’s how it’s gonna go,” as opposed to feeling a potent urge to procreate. Now we are at the point of actually TTC and I find myself preoccupied with the biology of it…like am I gonna be able to get pregnant? It’s on my mind constantly, almost an obsession right now. I am looking forward to being pregnant and experiencing these new physical changes…but I can’t really wrap my head around the idea of actually having to be a permanent babysitter to a new human being! So yeah I guess I have some ambivalence about the idea of being a mom, although I’ve never questioned that it’s something I will do one day.

As to the actual topic of this thread though lol…if someone tells me they’re CFBC I would never question them out loud, though I’m sure internally I might wonder if they’d ever change their mind. I think it’s pretty rude to ask a person who proclaims to be CFBC if they’re sure…I mean maybe if it’s your best friend or sister and you sense some hesitation or something, but otherwise, it’s not my businesss….I’ll support you when you’re CFBC and I’ll support you later on if you change your mind.

Post # 22
Member
9384 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

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pinkshoes :  I think it’s because of how patronizing it is.  

If I tell you I hate olives, you don’t tell me “just wait, you’ll change your mind”.. even though it’s perfectly possible I will.

Especially those who say “you’ll regret it!” as if it’s better to have a baby when you know you don’t currently want one than to wait to see if maybe you change your mind.

I just don’t get why people aren’t better about just being like “gotcha, k.” 

And of course–as we see in this thread–turning it in to this “I know better than you” argument only makes people feel shitty if they do change their mind.  What’s the point in that?

Post # 23
Member
41 posts
Newbee

 

Hmm I tried to post this earlier but it looks like it never showed up, so I’ll try again.

I have never had strong feelings for or against having children – mainly an observation-based ambivalence. Plus, my husband and I really enjoy our smug DINK lifestyle – we both work really hard, and love sleeping in on weekends, going to nice restaurants and performances, or lazily playing video games for an entire weekend. We became CFBC by default, since we’re a good decade+ past the age that other couples in our big families had their first kids.

 This summer, we both just kind of realized that we feel like there is room in our loving little family for a third member. That’s the best way I can describe it – it’s not that I suddenly became baby crazy, or longed to be pregnant, or began to squeal over baby clothes. I just somehow got this deep-down feeling that there is space in our lives for one more essential element, and my husband felt it, too. So I stopped taking my birth control pill a few months ago, and this is the first cycle we actively tried to get pregnant. Currently waiting to find out if it happened and lurking various TTC boards around the interwebs!

Post # 25
Member
15529 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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amanda1988 :  Yes, I realize what you’re saying and it’s not like *everyone* is rude enough to go around telling people who say they don’t want kids telling them they are wrong.  But if the occasional close friend, or own mother, or someone just jokingly saying so, then there shouldn’t be any reason to get all bent outta shape.  

View original reply
catapple :  It is if you can read.  Try again.  Either way, I’m done with this “discussion” with you.

Post # 26
Member
678 posts
Busy bee

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pinkshoes : You: It’s okay to “jokingly” question a big decision in someone’s life, but I will get upset if someone disagrees with my gibberish! 

Post # 27
Member
15529 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

 

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catapple :  No…. not upset, just that your inital comment was just so ridiculous and out of left field it hardly warrented a real response.  No one is *questioning* your big decision, but as you can see, people change their mind, so can you REALLY be surprised or that offended when people don’t completely believe it??  My SIL said she ddn’t want kids when she was with her ex.  She then met her now husband and suddenlyl couldn’t wait to have them.  My friend saids has always HATED being around children, never wanted them, and now is step mom to 2 and loves those kids.  I never questioned their decision cause honestly, I don’t care cause it’s got nothing to do with my own life.  But I”m sure just abouut everyone knows someone that was strongly cfbc that changed their mind.  Sorry to all those that ARE sure that remain that way, but with so many “crying wolf” it will make people doubt, especially those who “dont want to believe it” like potential grandmas to be.  THAT was the point.  That it shouldnt be hard to understand why cfbc DO run in to people who doubt their choice.

But hey, if you think the appropriate response is to go around asking pregnant women if they are sure, and tell them they might change their mind, by all means… go for it.

The topic ‘Anyone CFBC and change their mind?’ is closed to new replies.

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