(Closed) Anyone changed their mind about bridesmaid?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

Yup. I’ve had a best friend since we were 12, but she made some really bad choices along the way. Although we’re still friends, and she may think we’re still best friends, she’s a shitty friend. Barely ever returns calls, texts, etc. I have to literally mail her a letter to get her to text me. She hasn’t been involved in anything in my life in quite a few years. There’s only so much I can try to salvage before just giving up. She’ll be a bridesmaid because I do love the crazy woman, but there’s no way she’ll be my maid of honor. 

Post # 4
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

I think this is really common. There are people I thought that would be in my life forever, that just dissappeared (The reverse is also true, people I thought were just casual friends have turned out to true lifelong friends). 

In the past, I was very vigilant about not every talking bridal party with friends. We’ve said things like “I’ll be so excited for your wedding,” but I never wanted to promise something I knew might change. 

Post # 6
Member
1731 posts
Bumble bee

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SoonToBeMrsBOP:  That happened to me too. I had a friend that I thought was close. She ended up getting drunk one night and making some ridiculous racist comments in a very condescending and malicious way. I’ve never been spoken to like that by a supposed “friend” and I would never speak to anyone that way ever…let alone a friend!! She never even apologized for her behavior, not that I think her actions are forgivable. I haven’t talked to her in 4 months. 

Post # 7
Member
644 posts
Busy bee

yep just under two years ago when I got engaged I said to my friend about being a bridesmaid. Now the wedding is 6 months away I havent spoken to her for four months and before that she was just a pain! 

Post # 8
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’m in a similar situation all though not engaged yet. I have a really close friend, or at least I thought we were closer than we apparently are (she’s apart of my sister circle that also consists of 2 grow up friends and my cousin) anyway she had a procedure done and didn’t tell us about it. One of our other friends had the same procedure done so we kind of knew she was going to follow suit but she’s been basically hifing it from us for over a year now. My thing is we are not a mean group of people we don’t judge (trust me), we’re not going to laugh at you, you might get a couple of inquisitive questions but that’s it. So I find out she tells it to a bunch of her work colleagues she’s not even that close to. 

I feel like if you can’t even mention to us that you had a minor procedure why am I dishing out to have you be apart of my wedding party. You clearly don’t think that much of me as a friend to keep something so petty to yourself eventhough you chose to share it with other people you don’t call your “sisters.” Sometimes I feel bad about it because everyone else will be in the wedding and she was originally too but other times I am just disappointed and like “oh well!”

Post # 9
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

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SoonToBeMrsBOP:  How long ago did you tell her this? I mean… I told mine that she would be, but that was like 10 years ago when we were in our 20’s and thought that our lives would be like a Friend’s episode lol. You really need to do what you want and makes you happy. If you make her the Maid/Matron of Honor out of guilt, you’re going to regret it and it’s just going to eat away at you until it’s either too late, or you tell her she needs to step down because you really wanted so and so to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Take care care of that now and you’ll feel much better. Stick to the facts and hopefully she’ll understand. 

Post # 10
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I didn’t but I’ve seen comments by many brides who have.  It usually has to do this asking said person to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and then seeing that this person would cause too much drama.

In your case you didn’t promise her, you more or less said maybe.  It’s your wedding you really don’t have a reason to feel guilty.  As a bride it’s perfectly ok to make these types of decisions.  It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or friend.  I know as a bride if feel I spent to much time trying to make others happy.  I wouldn’t bring it up to her.  But if she asks, at some point, I’d just say “I’ve got so many great friends.  I had some tough choices to make.” etc..

Post # 11
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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SoonToBeMrsBOP:  I felt like it was expected to cousin as a bridesmaid because she asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor two years ago.. but I ultimately changed my mind because she was a miserable bride on the day of. And we get along, but not that well. She is very full of herself and cares way too much what she looks like and I am complete opposite. And honestly, it was the best thing I could have done! We have hung out a bit since then and she drove me insane!! I say stick with your gut and don’t worry too much about anything else. It is your day and only you know who you want to spend it with.

Post # 12
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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SoonToBeMrsBOP:  I would assume that your friend realizes you two have a different relationship. She probably won’t mind? Could you maybe not bring it up to her? If she does, tell her you haven’t decided yet. 

 

Post # 15
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

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SoonToBeMrsBOP:  It is your day, you get to decide. If it makes you uncomfortable having her as Maid/Matron of Honor, don’t have her as Maid/Matron of Honor. So what if she gets put out about it? It’s not her day, it’s yours & your fiance’s.

Give her another job if you feel so torn about it, but Maid/Matron of Honor is special and should not be given away out of feelings of obligation.

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