Anyone childfree by choice?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I think everyone should be free to make any choices they want, and if you don’t want kids, don’t have them.  Life can be wonderful and amazing either way.

THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO CHANGE YOUR MIND!! I just thought I would share the following since I think I was like you when I was younger….I also had a lot of the same fears you did about how children would be basically ruin a lot of what I loved about my life.  I also never cooed over babies, I wasn’t into them at all. I  found most kids annoying, sadly, I even didn’t feel like spending a ton of time with my nieces and nephews.  I was really worried that the “it will be different when they are yours” thing was bullshit.

We waited until our early 30s to have a baby and I spent most of my 20s living a wonderful, selfish life – going out, travelling, sleeping in.  And then we had our son, and the stuff people scared me about isn’t so bad.  We still go out, our sex life is pretty unchanged, nights are still for us (he is asleep by 7/730 and out until the morning), we still go to the gym, see our friends.  We went on two ski trips with our son when he was 7/8 months old.  And in addition we have this awesome baby who I absolutely love to spend time with.  I think he is a ton of fun, he makes me laugh and smile and see the world in a new and awesome way. my husband and i are even closer now that we share being parents.  Luckily it was true, it is SO different when the kid is your own!  I do miss sleeping in, and sometimes arranging weeekends around a nap schedule can be a drag.    but it all is so worth it for me, I am glad I finally took that leap πŸ™‚ 

Post # 5
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Sunchick19:  THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO CHANGE YOUR MIND!!

Why post then? Those of us that have choosen to be childfree have heard this argument before… it’s no different than the ages old “It’s so much different when it’s your child” comment.  We get it! Most people are completely fulfilled by having children! But we are not those people.

EDIT: I apologize if my tone is harsh Janna! I’m expressing my opinion and experience just as you are.

Post # 6
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think that what just happened serves to demonstrate even more how we need a board. The very first post to reply to a “Trying to find childfree ladies, introduce yourself!” is a Bingo from someone yet again. That would be like me going to an IVF support thread and saying, “I’m not trying to change your mind but you should be childfree because my experience is that IVFers happiness is misplaced.” 

Rude. This isn’t a “it’s different when it’s your own” thread. This is a looking for like minded people thread. If I was looking for other redheaded bees for wedding makeup advice would you post saying, “I’m a brunette and you should be to. Use black eyeliner.” Not helpful or considerate. Inciting drama. 

Post # 7
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@MrsBroccoli:  THIS. You said it so much better than I did, thank you!

Post # 9
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My intro! I’m 23 and my FH (sept!!!) is 25. I have always been childfree. When I first explicitly told my mother, she said, “Thank god, you’d drown them!” . I was a virgin until much later than my Fiance would have liked because I was so mortified of the thought of falling pregnant and having to get an abortion. My Fiance originally said he didn’t want kids but couldn’t promise that at age 38 or something he wouldn’t change his mind. I laid it out to him very clearly- it’s a choice between me and children. I will never give him children. He blinked and said, “Wow. Easiest choice I’ve ever made.” His mother and father hate it, but it’s not up to the obviously. Their family is already incredibly dysfunctional- they don’t talk to one daughter (father’s daughter from 1st marriage) and the resulting grand kids because of a childish family feud. My dad hopes we change our mind. My mom knows we won’t. 

Once we buy a house (hunting now), we’re going to get 2 big dogs. =] animals > sprog. 

Post # 10
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow why are people so touchy and defensive? Janna was just describing her experience. And what is a bingo??

Post # 12
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m CBC. (41)  I’ve known since I was very young that I didn’t want children.  I am much too selfish.  I do not have the patience.   I like my free time.  

I always felt like if you were going to have children it should be because you wanted it more than anything else.  .you felt it deep in your soul.  Not because it’s what’s expected of you, or you think you might be okay once you have kids.  

I love my niece and nephew dearly but never once have I wished that I had a child of my own.  I always joke that God didn’t give me a biological clock – he gave me two stomachs instead.  That’s why I’m always eating.  LOL

Post # 14
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Glad you guys got your thread up and going. Hopefully it can be a place where all bees can come and offer support even if they aren’t childfree.

I think an open mind needs to be ketp on both sides for this thread to get enough support to turn it into a board. If it gets shut down because posters are defensive and catty to others, it won’t do your cause any good.

Post # 16
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

I think Janna19 was just saying that sometimes there are women who are completely adamant they don’t want kids and then change their minds later on in life. So even though people feel this way now, it could change. Not that it should change.

 

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