- 9 years ago
Hi all, this is a thread for those who are childfree by choice (CBC). I thought it might be somewhere we could all come to talk about CF matters/issues, until we (hopefully) get our own board. So, I’ll start by introducing myself 🙂
I’m 25, been with my OH over 6 years, and we’re getting married in 2014. I live just outside London in the UK, and am currently finishing an MA in Contemporary Literature; I’m hoping to go on to do a PhD starting in September (excited!).
I have never wanted children, though I’ve been through periods where I’ve THOUGHT I wanted them (mainly after my diagnosis of endo, where I think it was a case of wanting what I might not be able to have). But about 12 months ago I started to really think about it, and feel that actually, I don’t want children. I broached the topic with my OH, and while he was surprised at first (like me he’d kind of assumed it was something you ‘should’ do and not really thought about it), he’s now totally on board, and we’re both pretty sure children will never be on the cards.
Our reasons for not wanting children are that we don’t like children; we both find them annoying and are not the type to coo over babies. While some of my friends can’t wait to be mums, the thought of being stuck at home with a child scares me, and bores me. I also couldn’t make the necessary sacrifices; whereas a lot of people feel that without children, something is ‘missing’ in their lives, I feel the opposite: if we had children, we would miss out on so many things: being able to travel, being able to go out where and when we want without worrying about costs or sitters, being able to pursue our own personal interests, and so on. I also see the impact that children have on even the strongest relationships, and I don’t want that; I love my OH above all else, and don’t want children getting in the way of romantic nights out/in, our sex life, and so on.
I’d love to hear from other bees; the reactions I’ve had so far have been mixed. Some have been fairly positive; most people have been confused, and assumed that I can’t mean I don’t want children at all, and that I MUST want them at some point.. The worst reaction I’ve had was my best friend telling me I’m ‘unnatural’.. I’ve also faced bingos from my mum, who will say she’s supportive, only to say in the next breath something like ‘But you can still go out sometimes when you have children, just not as much’. My response? Why would I sacrifice going out even once a year, when I don’t even WANT children?..! 😉