(Closed) Anyone childfree by choice?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 137
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We haven’t decided 100% yet–not enough to do anything “permenant,” anyway. I love my niece and nephew. I think kids are cute often, I think my Fiance and I would make good parents, I coo over my friends’ babies.

And yet…

It just hasn’t hit me. When I was a kid, I always thought that I’d be a mom. Now? We’ve talked about it for years on end, but there’s no change in feeling. We both are “eh.” If either one of us decides we really want a kid, we’ll have kids together. Being together is the most important thing. We can see the benefits of children; I don’t think we would feel unhappy with children or burdened, its just a very different life path from what we want right now.

My FI’s aunt and uncle are CFC and they are literally the happiest married couple I’ve ever seen. And their life is pretty kick ass. And they have my Fiance and I to hang out with and bond with now that we’re adults and…cooler? haha

Post # 138
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

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@StuporDuck:  

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@barbie86:  I hope you guys know that there really are a lot of people who don’t jdge you because of your decision here. Just like I doubt you judge me for having children. I am not sure why this was a hot topic. I obviously won’t hang around too much,but I hope that when I or others ask questions it really might be so we can understand you or someone in our own life better, not to judge you. I am really glad you all have each other because I know my TTC bees have gotten me thgouh a lot.

Post # 139
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My parents thought because I didn’t want kids I never wanted to get married, lol, I proved them wrong.  I always got the ‘you’ll change your mind when you meet the right man”  my response was always “if I meet the right guy, he won’t want kids.”  and he doesn’t πŸ™‚  I want to travel, I have little patience, and well, they leak from everywhere.

When I was 30 I tried to make it permanent-they wouldn’t do it, because they said I was too young and would change my mind.  My Fiance also had tried to make it permanent before we met, but he was told the same thing.  I went and got an IUD last year, I am so happy I did.  It is 99.9% effective.  The problem is that when you haven’t had children, it hurts like a SOB for 3-4 days afterwards.  My doctors office told me to just take an advil before hand.  If I knew now what I know then I would have insisted on T3’s or something.  A plus, I haven’t had an actually  period since the 2nd month(which is great since I usually had horrible cramps).

 

 

Post # 140
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

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@Roe:  THIS! Everything you said word for word. That is exactly how DH and I feel I just didn’t articulate it very well. We don’t want to take any permanent measures against having children but when we try to think of reasons to have a child we can’t think of many. We just keep waiting for some kind of feeling to hit. I wonder if it ever will.

Post # 141
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

LOVE this thread, thank you barbie86 for starting it! What’s funny is I used to want 4-5 kids (both of my college roommates came from huge families and I was always so envious of the bond between all the siblings and I wanted it for my own future children), but I started to change my mind a few months after meeting my Fiance. He told me from the very beginning that he didn’t want kids but he would have them with me if I really wanted them. I’m not quite sure what changed in me, but suddenly the idea of having children of our own sounded terrible. There would be so many things we would have to give up, and call us selfish if you want but I see it more like we’re being selfLESS. Why bring a child into this world if we can’t afford to raise him/her properly? I don’t want to grow to resent my child for taking away the beautiful relationship I have with my Fiance… I know there are amazingly accomplished parents out there (Angie and Brad, anyone?) but we also don’t have millions of dollars or dozens of nannies at our disposal.

When we mentioned to my cousin that we had no intention of having children, I was shocked to hear her admit to me that it really changes your relationship with your husband. It’s scary to think about the future when your child has grown up and become independent and you have to rebuild your relationship with your husband. You’re both completely different people at that point. 

My FI’s uncle is having his first baby in about 2 months and Fiance and I are scared out of our minds for him. It’s not that we doubt the love and commitment he and his wife share, we’re just afraid of how the baby will change them.

Long story short, we probably won’t change our minds about being CBC despite what anybody says. We figure we’ll just be the cool Aunt and Uncle!

Post # 142
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Right now, I have a million reasons not to have kids and none to have them. However, I am really struggling to figure out if that’s just because I’m not “ready” yet. It is nice to see other bees who have firmly decided not to have children.

Post # 143
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is pretty interesting….

http://www.happilychildfree.com/ann.htm

I’m 28, Fiance is 33 and we’ve decided to live childfree for various reasons. I do not like children and I do not want them being the main one. Besides, we have our cats to take care of (my mom even refers to them as her “grand-kitties”). 

Post # 144
Bee
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - El Faro Convention center, Aguadilla, Puerto Rico

Just wanted to pop in and show support for the “CFers” and a future board. I wanted to give kudos to you ladies for doing what is right for YOU and not conforming to what society or your families think you should do. In my opinion, it takes a great amount of bravery to break out of the mold proudly and have to deal with all the BS will throw your way because of it.

I will continue to lurk around all the CF threads since I find the topic fascinating and though I don’t intend to be CF, one of my best friends and Lil Boa plan on being CBC and I’d love to learn more about it. Rock on ladies!

Post # 146
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

One of my friends is CF and she’s always catching crap and being accused of not understanding the joys of children and lectured on how ALL women want to have kids. I feel sorry for her sometimes. But she’s incredible and has a great sense of humor about it. Last time someone asked her why she didn’t want kids she responded with, “Cause I like my designer heels and white furniture, not to mention I have a banging body.” πŸ™‚ She cracks me up. 

But I mean it. LECTURED about how all women are biologically programmed to desire children. Which just isn’t true. I’m going to have kids eventually. But I promise you, had I not met my SO, or met someone who didn’t want kids, I would have been a lifelong CF. Kids are icing to life, just like many things. But I can be happy without them and a lot of other things as well. Why? My cake is still pretty damn delicious without the icing. 

Post # 147
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

YOUR GOING TO DIE SAD AND ALONE.. my mouth dropped!!!!! I heard someone tell a friend that because she didnt want kids ever.. (this person that said that just overheard us talking) OK now..I have a kid. I couldn’t imagine my life without one..BUT this even drew a very very bad nerve with me…I was so stunned I stopped in my tracks and just stared at my friend.. I am surprised the girl didn’t knock the other girl out for saying that.. she said she has heard stuff like that before….and that lead us to a very interesting conversation though.. but thats a whooooole different story… lol.. 

 no matter who argues what.. the person is making the right decision for themeselves …  like I can argue..its all in your head that it settles you down.. that you cant travel or do what you want.. because in my case..I have an angel child and I can do anything and have…. he hasnt slowed me down a bit.. I am VERY blessed.. but my another friend who was on the fence of having kids has a little spawn of satan kid (not even kidding).. and she cant do crap.. … I feel bad for her.. not even knowing if she wanted kids.. and then ends up with a kid like that.. 

 SO .. my final thought.. to each their own!.. dont let anyone convince you to do anything you dont want.. πŸ™‚

Post # 148
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with being childfree. And this is coming from someone who wouldn’t mind giving birth to her own basketball team. πŸ˜‰

I believe that I know three people who are/were? childfree in real life:

One is SO’s stepmom and shes had to deal with people judging her because she’s only 34. She’s sticking to her guns and I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Another is my best friend who I’ve known since we were 11 and I grew up knowing that she absolutely DESPISES children. She calls them little demons. She told me just the other day that she was going to have ONE just because her boyfriend was bugging her about it and wouldn’t continue on in the relationship if she couldn’t see a future with children. :/

The third actually wanted to be sterilized. No one would do it because she was too young. She got pregnant, and actually didn’t find out until she was too far in to make any other decision. She now has a 2 year old.

Post # 149
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

When I was 10 my Mum got cancer. From that point, I had to raise my two wee sisters. My mother was an awful mum cause she wanted to be CF and ended up having 4, and seriously resented us. I do not want kids, especially since I know I would be like her. I’ve gone through all the nappy-changing and feeding already too.

I wish the doctors would just let me get sterilised already.

Post # 151
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

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@alianora:  Really? My IUD didn’t hurt at all; the doc was very gentle. I recommend to people NOT looking up what people think of IUDs on the net before getting one because there are pretty much only horror stories on the internet. I was so scared before I went in but it was not a bad experience, at all. There are so many variables with BC..it’s better to research your doctor so you can trust their advice.

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