(Closed) Anyone choosing to be “Child-Free?”

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

every couple has to decide what’s best for them.  even though i personally DO want children eventually, i know it’s not right for every couple.  props to you and your Fiance for deciding what is best for the two of you, and don’t let anyone talk down to you or like you’re choice is stupid, ect, to you.  you do what’s best for you and your Fiance, end of discussion.

Post # 4
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We haven’t made the child decision – we’ll reevaluate when we’re older – but a lot of our friends are having kids and we get a lot of questions about when we’re starting. Um, maybe in 10 years? Sigh.

Anyway, I think knowing yourself and your desires well enough to make that decision is just as commendable as anyone who decides to have children, so more power to you!

Post # 5
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Forget it. No questions.

Post # 6
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

No kids for us.  I’ve known since I WAS a kid that I didn’t want to have them.  I’m nearly 32 y/o, and there’s ZERO clock-ticking going on here.  Everbody says “you’ll change your mind” but I doubt it.  I’m content being a dog-mom.

Post # 7
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@tranquility: We just dont know… and a lot of it is because I cant answer some of these questions.

I always thought I would like to adopt an older child (about 7-10) because so many kids that age never get adopted, buy FH is not into that.

I dont worry about who will take care of me when I am older.  I worry that I wont have family for the holidays. Its my responsibility and only mine to take care of myself (and I believe everyone should follow that) not that of any future children. There is no guarantee those future children will choose a career that gives them any extra cash to help you out.  Besides, not having kid gives us the opportunity to save a whole lot more for retirement.

Post # 8
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

If I had it my way, we would be child-free. I don’t like kids. There has only ever been one child that I have liked and thats my cousin. Other than him, I find most children rather annoying.

It’s important to Fiance that we have atleast one kid and I certainly will not keep him from having the family he wants. I’m sure once its my kid, I’ll feel differently about them but as it stands right now I would be more than happy sleeping, spending money and doing what I want to without having to drag around a kid for the rest of our lives. 

 

Post # 9
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I do want to have children, and have known since I was young that I wanted to be a mom, but I really respect the decision not to.  I agree with you that not everyone should be having children, and I think it’s much more responsible to be true to your own desires than it is to have children out of social pressure.

Post # 10
Member
23 posts
Newbee

@missrobots: I am the same as you. I remember telling my mother when I was about 8 years old that I was never going to have children. She said the same thing people told you: “you’ll change your mind when you get older”. Well,  like you, I am in my 30s now and I have not changed my mind AT ALL. I just don’t want children. Period. I don’t even think I have a biological clock!

Post # 11
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

When I was in my 20’s, I was open to the idea of having kids if the urge arose, and it never really did.  By the time i got into my 30’s and more friends and family had kids, it became pretty clear to me that I like little ones better in small doses.  People including family and total strangers (luckily, not our parents) used to offer a lot of unsolicited opinions about our choice not to have kids, but after a certain point, they give it up.

Later, I might host foster kids and/or exchange students.  For right now, I’m still not the right person for the job.

Post # 13
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think we will be child-free.  I keep getting into trouble when I tell people I am committed to it, so I’m trying to tone down my certainty for other people’s benefit. 😉  I have known since I was VERY young that I didn’t want children, and my fiance did not want them when we started dating.  He’s getting a little less certain, but when we talk seriously about what having children would require, he starts backing off pretty quickly.

@tranquility:  As far as your questions go, I can only answer them for myself and not anyone else.

Do you fear what will happen when you get older? Like who will take care of you?

I think everyone fears what will happen when they get older!  But the fact is that most of the people in the nursing home have children.  I do not come from a culture where people believe in living with their parents as they age.  Since my heart is not really into parenting, I don’t even have much confidence I would do a good enough job raising a kid that he or she would want to devote his/her middle age to caring for me in my old age.  A lot of children don’t.

While anything can happen, I feel that I can count on my own financial and insurance planning, and on hiring a good elderly care manager is a lot more certain than hoping that my theoretical children have both the time and inclination to take care of me and happen to live close enough that they can be there frequently.

Do you ever feel like “maybe I am making a mistake”?

I am a big overanalyzer of things like this, so of course I consider these sorts of things.  But in both rational thought and emotional feeling, I am so much more concerned that I will make a mistake and have a child simply because people keep telling me it’s something I have to do.  That will be a huge mistake not only in my life, but in the life of the child.

Do you worry that when you get older you will regret it?

I worry a lot more that I will have a child and regret it than I will regret not having one.  A LOT more.  Sure, I’m young enough to change my mind, but I’ve also known myself for almost 30 years and I know myself pretty well on this issue.

Post # 14
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I personally agree with @sceeder. My mother said the same thing to me about who will take care of me when I get old if I don’t have children. I told her basically what you wrote, sceeder; that there is no guarantee whatsoever that one’s children will take care of their parents when the parents are older. I know of so many circumstances where the parents were just shoveled into an elderly care facility and the children rarely would even visit them. I’d rather plan for my old age myself and not give the responsibility to children nor have them just for the hope that they will take care of me later on in life. I also don’t feel I will ever regret the choice not to have children. For some people, they simply intuitively know that reproducing is just not for them.

Post # 15
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m childfree too, and have been as long as I can remember. 🙂 

Post # 16
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2006

Though I want children, I just want to say that choosing not to have children is a perfectly valid (and some cases preferable) choice.

My grandmother is a perfectly lovely person and nice in an abstract sense, but she was a uninterested, somewhat selfish mother to my dad because she never wanted kids in the first place and resented having them.. for her, i know it would have been better if she had not had children.

i also have an aunt who is the world’s best aunt, but never wanted children. She spends her time and money doing things like flying to Europe on a whim! Fun!

— it is definitely a personal choice!

The topic ‘Anyone choosing to be “Child-Free?”’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors