(Closed) Anyone considered walking after a relatively short period of time?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1946 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I wouldn’t have waited more than a year.  I feel like that’s plenty of time.

Post # 18
Member
512 posts
Busy bee

I said 2-3 years to my SO. Considering our 3rd anniversary is Thursday and my bags aren’t packed I think its safe to say I was estimating my ability to wait incorrectly. Lol. 

I never dated anyone though if they never wanted to marry. I’m not terribly religious, but I need the legal benefits marriage offers, especially if we have children. 

I will say this. If after two years a man wasn’t sure if he wanted ME, I would leave. I can give space for someone wanting to get affairs in order or what have you before a publicly announced engagement. However if I wanted someone and they didn’t want me back, I’d lose any interest in them and probably any respect I had for them as a partner well, which ultimately would show how not compatible we were.

Post # 19
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@banana-bee:  Me and Fiance knew that we wanted to get married after three months of dating… We got engaged after 18 months knowing and dating each other. We would have gotten engaged sooner but my Fiance thought it would look “odd” to get engaged after less than a year of dating… He didnt want to get questioned by family and friends, wanted to live together first etc.  But he always assured me that we will end up married, because that’s what we both want and voiced early on. Did you talk about wanting to get married down the road? As long as you are on the same page about that, you probably shouldnt walk just yet.

Edit: I am mid twenties, he is early thirties. I told him upfront that I will only continue dating him if he is in for the whole thing and I would have walked after two years of “waiting” as I want children before I am 30. I guess it depends on what one wants.

Post # 20
Member
4097 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

1.5-2 years? Yikes! I could have walked away from more than one relationship for lack of proposal. Seriously though, that screams the word desperate . At any age there is no reason to walk after such a short period of time. Why even bother finding a compatible mate if all you want is a wedding? 

Post # 21
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

@banana-bee:  I just gave my bf the position on this. I was. Previously in a 4 feels relationship and now in a 1 Yea.  I don’t want to waste his time or mine. We’ve set a guide line of 6 months. After that we part on good terms. I don’t believe it will get to that point but he’s not young either and I have a life I want to live. 

 

I don’t think you’re alone in those feelings. 

Post # 22
Member
8 posts
Newbee

@banana-bee:  Didn’t a statistic show that if a man has not proposed after 2 years of dating, the likelihood of him proposing will steadily decrease afterwards?
I think one should know if they want to marry someone after 2 years but this does not mean one should walk.. 

Post # 23
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

@canadajane:  What a wonderful thing to say. It’s perfectly true, our expectations and desires are all different. 

Post # 24
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

 

@CakeyP:  Why do you say that? 

Post # 25
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@banana-bee:  There isn’t an appropriate time as long as the guy knows what your expectations are. Its a little different but my ex took me to look at rings at 14 months and then told me at 17 months that he wasnt happy and hadnt been for months. Prior to telling me he wasnt happy with me, we had talked about things and he blamed being homesick and a family death. I walked and there were so many doubts in the relationship that walking was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too easy. If it is easy to walk, theres your sign. If a guy makes you choose between him and your ability to have children, I also think that is a pretty strong sign. If he knows your timeframe and doesnt ask for more time for whatever logical reason, then this is just another example of him not taking your feelings into consideration.

Post # 26
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

@banana-bee:  Personally for me, my walk date is after 3 years to the day for a number of reasons, two of the biggest being 1. SO is 17 years older than I am and he wants kids and I dont want to be left raising them and running behind them alone. 2. We’re in a long distance relationship and have been for our entire relationship. That has started to take its toll and neither one of us wants to move without that commitment.

I think this is a very fact specific question but if i were in your situation, I would want to move on without him. Yes he made the sacrifice and moved to be with you but if thats where the gestures end, then that is where the relationship should end also. I think 2 years is plenty of time to decide whether you see yourself being with someone long term, especially when you move in together. my SO and I “lived” together for just shy of 2 months and it was then that we knew that we wanted to marry eachother and didnt want to spend our lives with anyone else.

I think you may need to have a “where is this relationship going” conversation with him and honestly ask him if you are moving again, will he want to and then request that a timeline be given so that you dont feel like you are wasting your time. The hardest thing is to be in a relationship that you know will end and not wanting to leave now out of obligation (referencing your slow death comment)

I hope everything works out!

Post # 27
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@banana-bee:  I don’t think there is a standard “walk date” so to speak… but I think the amount of time before bailing on a relationship varies depending on the life circumstances of the people when they get into a relationship and how they get into it. 

In other words, if you are not getting into a relationship for marriage, than it isn’t a walk date. It’s just breaking up. 

Post # 29
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes I would leave if he did not propose after two years.

Post # 30
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

There is no right or wrong answer to this, it depends very much on the individuals involved and them being on the same page.

Just because he hasn’t proposed yet doesn’t mean he isn’t planning a future together…my Fiance and I knew from the beginning we were ‘forever’ and often talked about growing old together but we’ve only just got engaged now at 9 years. 

If your gut instinct is telling you to walk then do it, this guy clearly isn’t the ‘one’… Just be careful about sticking too rigidly to such a short timeline though as you might just push your soulmate away!

I also don’t know if it makes a difference where you’re from but the majority of couples I know are together at least 4 or 5 years before they get engaged

Post # 31
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think it really depends on whether he has been clear that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. If it’s just a matter of time, then I don’t think walking out is a good idea. If he’s being flakey about commitment, then I would consider it but would definitely talk about it first.

 

In the grand scheme of things, waiting a few more months won’t make much of a difference, if you are confident that he is going to propose. Otherwise, it would be time to have a serious discussion about the future.   I’m in a bit of a similar situation ( both 29 years old been together for two years) and I’m confident it’s just a matter of time before my boyfriend will propose. If I wouldn’t be certain, I would have a discussion with him and make sure that we still want the same things. I would never stay with someone who doesn’t want to get married because I know that’s what I want.  

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