(Closed) Anyone considering becoming a SAHM?

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 33
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

To clarify, I don’t disagree with the choice to be a Stay-At-Home Mom and think that’s a prefectly valid choice to make.  I just don’t like the way that personal choice gets couched in generalities or implies generalities about what women are like. 

I also don’t like how daycare is couched as “someone else” raising your kids as if you don’t parent when you work and how that is never brought up in connection with men almost never raising their own kids (there are very few SAHD). 

Post # 34
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Some may but when no guilt is ever placed on them and when society does not make it the norm I think that a lot of men probably never think about it too much, esp if they spend lots of time with their kids after work and on weekends. Practically men do not have breasts so that limits you for the first 6 months anyway,

I know my Fi would love to be a stay at home dad, but he jokes with his mates about watching heaps of TV and going to the shops and cafe’s I dont think he realises that if he stayed at home he would need to do the majority of the cleaning, cooking, shopping aswll as educating and stimulating the child.

Post # 35
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m extremely lucky.  I currently live across the street from my parents and my mom babysits the kids when I go into the office.  I currently have flexible time in which I telecommute a couple times a week and the rest of the time I’m in the office.  I was also teaching some paralegal courses at a community college, but have since dropped that because it was in the evening and I didn’t feel I had enough time to dedicate to it, as I should have.  In any event, I’d love to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but reality is that I have to work to have money to take care of my wonderful children.  I’m lucky to have found a company that allows for me to work from home a couple days a week.  Also, telecommuting allows me to do some much enjoyed pro bono work as a child advocate.  Although I’ve worked hard to be where I am at in my career, if Mister could afford to take care of our family and save for our kids’ future (college fund) and our retirements, I’d gladly stay home full time until the kids got into junior high school and then I’d work part time doing what I love – teaching and advocating for children’s rights. 

Post # 36
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

No i wasn’t saying SAHMs are lazy, I think chicagowife was just making a joke =]

@simpleandchic, I don’t understand why it’s harder to rely on the woman’s salary versus the man’s salary….

Post # 37
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@arachna

What do you mean? He wants me to stay at home with the babyif I want or he wants me to work if I want.

Post # 38
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@simpleandchic – but I think there are also a lot of people who look down at SAHD’s as being over-feminized and too lame to find a job, so their wife has to go to work and “wear the pants”. . .they are seen as “unmanly” and “whipped”.

(I don’t think that!!  I just think that society sometimes pushes the man as a breadwinner and not a Stay-At-Home Dad which is ridiculous.)

Post # 40
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@hotchildinthecity  my mum was a single mum and worked full time and I never said I wish she had been a Stay-At-Home Mom, But I know she had wished that she could have spent more time with me.

Everyone is different, but you cant have it all, it’s impossible something has to give

Post # 41
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

@chicagowife – i have definitely contemplated this!

i have a degree, yes, but my pay LITERALLY equals the amount that hubby had in “taxes withheld” from his salary last year.  So yeah, I am not the breadwinner!  I do LOVE my job, but I always thought it would be wonderful to be a Stay-At-Home Mom – maybe I would have a PT job…well, we shall cross that bridge when we get there!!

Post # 42
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Did this post just get Flaged?

Post # 43
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@Krissycake  lol me too…My hubby was taxed more than I earn’t, and I have a degree too lol

Post # 44
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

stewie,

I mean that you don’t want “someone else” raising your kids by the kids being in day care for 8 hours but if you are home with the kids and your husband works then by your definition he is not “raising the kids”. 

So for him, “someone else” is raising the kids, you are. 

So you’re saying it’s not okay for you for “someone else” to raise the kids but perfectly okay for him for “someone else” to raise the kids. 

And now I feel like I’m being harsh.  🙁 

I just object to the characterization of day care etc. as “someone else” raising your kids.  I mean, yes it is true that someone else as well as you are raising the kids in that situation but I think it is healthiest for kids to have multiple people “raising them” instead of just one adult.  Because otherwise it’s hard on that adult and that stress gets reflected on the kid too.  Grandparents and aunts and uncles and fathers! and yes professionals and mothers all together is ideal in my opinion in whatever proportion works best for you and everyone involved.

Post # 46
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

@simpleandchic – haha, gotta love it, right??

My mom worked FT for the most part (excpt when I was 1-4, she was at home) and I don’t feel like I “missed out” per se, but many of my growing up memories included daycare and after school programs.  In this day and age, if hubby and I were to have a child now, it would cost more to send them to daycare then I made, I am pretty sure.  So, it will depend…

ETA:
The other big chunk of decision making parts have to do with education – but not mine- our future kids.  My parents worked (and still do) to pay our college tuition.  I am extremely thankful for that.

Post # 47
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@chicagowife, i’m lucky to be in the position i’m in, it is ideal! i plan on staying here and i feel like if i walked away for a few years, i’d never be able to get the exact job i have right now. I work for a huge, stable company. if i worked 70+ hour weeks I think i’d reevaluate also. But, i also know as a materials engineer i make a good chunk, so there are major benefits to me keeping my job too. In this economy, i wouldn’t be comfortable walking away from a sweet job in a year! Cuz, let’s face it, we’re looking to conceive in June. It’s not feasible for us. 

More and more jobs nowadays acknowledge that more and more women are working (you have to figure this, if you go to college, you likely have loans. And it’s a little tough paying student loans off for both husband and wife if only one of you is working, especially if the husband is only making 40K or less) so they are working to make jobs more flexible for women. I know in engineering this is the case–they WANT women, they LOVE women, so they’re making jobs work for US! yay! i have lots of friends who have the same capabilities I do. work from home is common at my company…if you do it at a desk, you can do it from home!

We’ve acknowledged that if hubs can’t get a job by the time we have a child, he’ll be a stay at home dad.

We don’t care what society thinks–we just do our thing. if it works for us, that’s all that matters. =]. I joke with him that he can still play xbox and do manly things like grunt as long as he feeds the baby at the same time lol =]. It’s not like SAHM’s don’t have downtime. My mom watched Oprah every day and her daytime dramas and took us to disneyland and stuff =]. She just said that after 10 years, she felt she was losing a piece of herself with her life revolving around us all day every day

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