(Closed) Anyone considering becoming a SAHM?

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 48
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@arachna: Ouch. Now I get how snarky your first post was. LOL. When I read that, i went back and read my post cause I thought maybe I had a typo and maybe I left off something about how I don’t want to drop my kids off at daycare every morning, for the first few years at least.

By “someone else” I mean someone outside of our family unit. Someone working a thankless, very hard, very low-wage job and watching my kids for eight hours a day.

But everyone is different. Chicagowife was just looking for different views.

@chicagowife: I love Pioneer Woman! Delicious food!

Post # 49
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’d be game for it. As a writer, I wouldn’t be sacrificing much at all. I’d just write from home instead of at an office, lol. Ultimately I would rather provide love and attention to my children than lots of money. So having a baby, slowing the career down while he or she is out of school to take care of them? I’d do it. Absolutely. And then I could take that experience and go from there.

Post # 50
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Yup, totally guilty of snark.

Glad you didn’t take offense!  I think your reasoning is perfectly sensible and should work out for you.  I just wanted to point out that equating day care to someone else raising your kids is somewhat inaccurate since you’re still raising your kids if you use day care and most kids have several caretakers.  Also, I think there are great day care centers out there and some care takers that are paid well. 

Post # 51
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I plan to be a working mom.  I’m definitely the bread winner in our family, and to be honest, I don’t do really well without clear objectives and goals.

My darling partner on the other hand, is more than happy to be a Stay at Home Dad.  This is our plan for at least the first 6 months of a child’s life. 3 months maternity leave, then transition to at least 3 months of Stay-At-Home Dad. 

The studies show that both daycare kids and kids with SAH parents do equally as well (controlling for other factors such as SES and education), so it really comes down to what you find reasonable and fulfilling.

I grew up with a Stay-At-Home Mom but my youngest sister had a working mom all her life… I think we both turned out just fine!

Post # 52
2206 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Chicago, if I may make a suggestion, taking a cue from ejs, maybe you should seriously consider changing jobs before you make this decision. This economy may not be ideal, but you did say you are still a few years away, right? Working 70 hours a week at a job you don’t really like would take a toll on ANYONE. Right now you are asking yourself whether you would rather work at a job you don’t like or stay at home with your precious child. Anyone should be able to answer that question! Give yourself a chance to ask a different question: do I want to pursue a career I find satisfying while raising my child, or would I prefer to spend the majority of my time raising my child.

Finally, if not a paying job, consider a part-time civic or charity career. One of the people I most admire in the world was a stay at home mom of 4 with a special needs child who always remained active in the community. Nothing herculean, she was just always a part of whatever needed to get done. When her youngest hit middle school, she ran for and won a seat to the state legislature, without ever having a “career”.

Post # 53
350 posts
Helper bee

What I wouldn’t give to be a SAHM!!  Unfortunately, I have the higher earning potential in our relationship. H is going back to school for a PhD in the social sciences, aka poverty for life, so I doubt we would ever be able to afford it.  I’ve finished school, earned advanced degrees, paid off my loans, and worked as a “successful professional” for the last 5 years and it’s a bunch of BS… I’m ready to play with some babies!!

Post # 54
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

I would definitely not want to be a stay at home mom!  I was a live-in nanny for 3 summers during college, and it is hard work!  I know I’d probably like it a little more when I’m staying with my own kids, but I still don’t think I would want to.  I’m going to be graduating from law school and have invested a lot of time and money into my education, and I WANT to work (not as a lawyer, but a professfor).  Professors have more flexible hours than lawyers, so hopefully it won’t be too bad.  Also, I would be perfectly content if my bf wanted to stay home with the kid(s).  My dad was a stay at home dad, and I turned out fine!  That being said, if he doesn’t want to stay home, which I don’t think he would, I’m totally okay with getting a nanny.  When I did it, I became part of the family, and the parents were always very involved in their kids lives, so it’s not like I was raising their kids–I was just watching them while they were at work.

Post # 55
2680 posts
Sugar bee

@chicagowife – I dont have kids yet and I never thought I could be a stay at home mom.  I know being a Stay-At-Home Mom is obviously hard work but I always had it my head that I needed to DO something and actually work to keep busy and be happy.  I think for me part of it is considering if I want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom when my kids are in school.  I feel like I would have nothing to do during the day and get very bored very fast.

My job is similar in that the hours are NOT sympathetic to spending time with your family.  Some days I am at work until 10:00 at night.  I dont want to miss out on my kids growing up but I dont know if I could give it up completely either.  I think if I could find a job with more “normal” hours when the time came, I would consider being a Stay-At-Home Mom, at least until my kids are in school.  I am fortunate in the fact that I could come back to a job in my field after being gone for several years.

More and more each day the idea of being a Stay-At-Home Mom (or just not having to work at all!) becomes more and more appealing.  I guess when the time comes we will have to sit down and evaluate if it is even possible for me to be a SATM or if I would have to keep my job to keep additional income.  I think my ideal situation (whether realistic or not) would be to be a Stay-At-Home Mom but have the opportunity to work when I wanted to.  Childcare can be so expensive, I feel like most of my salary would go toward covering childcare anyways.  There are so many if’s and’s or but’s but I think when it comes down to it, you need to do what you want to do and what feels right to you and your family.

Post # 56
1134 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have a degree in poetry. I work in insurance. I don’t hate my job, but there is no correlation between my education and my career. I have always wanted to be a mom. Right now, my Fiance is finishing his masters. But once he is working, I would like to live on his salary alone. I don’t think that’s out for a few years yet though.

People have suggested to me in the past that wanting to be a Stay-At-Home Mom would be a backwards progress from where I already am in the business community. I have even heard people say that being a Stay-At-Home Mom is anti-feminist and puts women down. I disagree. I think that our past feminist fighters allowed us the freedom to choose whether or not we wanted a career, a career and kids, or just kids. The women that broke work-force barriers allowed us the right to have a career, and then one day stop that career in the business world, instead to start a career of a family.

I give mad props to any of the SAHMs out there. I think it’s one of the hardest, but more rewarding jobs you can have.

Post # 57
10216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

i’m both 😀 a Stay-At-Home Mom and I own my own business so I set my own hours.  I have worked in the corporate world and i always felt like I was missing something or not fully there.  I always remember when i was younger and my mom worked (because my dad wasn’t a good dad after the divorce) and she was NEVER there for field trips, we never baked cookies, etc.  I always wanted a mom to do those fun things and to be crafty etc.  Guess what, I try to give my son what I wanted and he actually asks when I’m going back to work. I think most moms in his classroom work so he thinks it’s strange (sigh)… M loves it and I love being there for his kids as well when he’s not able to.

Post # 58
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We’ve talked about it and think it would be awesome if one of us could stay home with our kids for their first few years. Who will it be…whoever is in the best position to… I know my guy wants to, but so do I. I guess we will see.

Post # 59
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Well, I have a long time before this actually will matter, but Fiance and I have discussed it and I definitely want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom eventually – and he totally supports it! I think for me, it’s important because my mom is a bit of a workaholic and she wasn’t around much when I was a kid. I want to be there as much as I possibly can for my kids!

Post # 60
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have to say I love what I am doing and I am just not ready to give it up. I truly respect stay at home moms or dads, but I don’t think that it is for me. I don’t think of it as turning my back on my education but more as giving up a part of myself that I love and that is a huge part of who I am. Both of my parents worked tho my mom’s schedule was very flexible.


I also think that if you are working a crappy job you don’t love then as others have said yes it will be easier to make the choice to stay at home.


Post # 61
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I will be a partial Stay-At-Home Mom. My Fiance and I have discussed this to no end… we aren’t worried for financial reasons, we’re worried about my sanity. lol

Even with my BA in Finance, my Fiance will always make more than me. I can never compete unless I have a career on Wall Street lol.  However, I like the hustle and bustle of work. I like being out of the house. Whenever I visit him (we’re LDR) I’m his SAH Fiance & the routine gets pretty monotonous.

So we compromised. We agreed that I would stay at home until each of our kids are in school full time. 5-6 years with each kid. The first 5 years of a childs life are so special! Its where you teach them to become proper little people. I definitely couldn’t imagine leaving that role up to a nanny or caregiver. But that’s just me. I grew up with a Stay-At-Home Mom & I want to be able to give my children the same time that I got to share with my mom.

Post # 62
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I will be a Stay-At-Home Mom when the time comes. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. We both make good salaries, so we’ve been prepping by living off his salary and putting my entire salary into savings. It’s giving us a good nest egg for when we decide to begin trying (likely in June/July 2010).

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