(Closed) Anyone considering becoming a SAHM?

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 63
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@simpleandchic: Yeah, my mom probably wishes she could have stayed home with us too but I just don’t wish that.  I had no problem with going to daycare/relatives when I was younger. Like others said, it’s only 8 hours a day.  Same as when you go to school. 

I am with EJS and Jacqi (I think) who posted.  I guess I just feel I can have it all.  Career, family, friends….the whole thing.  I’d just never considered anything else ;o)

 

Post # 64
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We’ve discussed it quite a bit but we are still on the fence about what we will do.  Of course, we aren’t planning on having kids for another 5 years or so, so it’s not a decision that has to be made right now.  If his wages allow it, I would loooove to be a Stay-At-Home Mom or even a partial Stay-At-Home Mom.  My mom did daycare, and then solely was a stay at home mom until I was about 6 or 7.  After that, she was still stay at home, but went to community college to get her Associates degree.  I can literally count on my hands the number of times someone other than my mom/parents watched me.  For me, I would love to be able to stay home with my children until they are at least school aged.  Those first 5 years are such important years for kids and I would be sad to miss a lot of it by being at work, and having them in childcare.  While I’m stay at home, I may do PT work or freelance to help with bills.

My fiance’s parents both worked 9-5 jobs in school district his entire childhood.  He went to daycare everyday when he was in elementary school.  He doesn’t feel he missed out on anything by being put in daycare. 

So we haven’t made a decision yet.  🙂

Post # 65
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I really really really hope by the time I’m having kids I can be a Stay-At-Home Mom….atleast while they’re little.  Once they are old enough to be in school, I would like to go back to work.  I suppose if I had a job with more child friendly hours, I would maybe consider working when I have them.  But as it is, right now I leave the house at 6:00 a.m. to get to work by 6:30…and I usually get home around 7:00.  I honestly think I would be the saddest person in the world if I had that little of time to spend with my children.  And if would break my heart if I went to pick up my child from daycare and the sitter was like, “Hey, guess what….Jsdragonfly Jr. took their first step today…or J’sdragonfly Jr. said Mama for the first time.”  No thanks…those are experiences I want to be there for, not a babysitter.  I was a real go getter in college and graduated with a double major when I was 21…so, I’ve had a lot of time to put that education to good use.  I think if I were a lot younger and had only been on the “work force” for a year or two, I would be in the “heck no. I want to put my education to good use” mindframe, but I’m not.  I’ve had time to work, travel, and accomplish some of the more important “can’t do when I have kids” goals…  With that said, I’m not ready to give up the job yet, which is precisely why I’m not having kids for a few more years. lol 

Post # 66
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If we have kids that is the goal. My mom was a stay at home mom, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Post # 67
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

I would like to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, and my profession is geared toward that goal. I think the first 5 years of a child’s life are really important in their growing and education, and I want to b able to stay home and teach them how to read. But, who knows!?

Post # 68
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I saw on FB the other day someone posted on my cousin’s status update as her family being ‘true Americans’ because she is a stay at home Mom and he is a working Dad that enjoys snow-blowing his driveway, etc.  I was like REALLY?  That is American??  I was totally offended – my Mom worked all my life along with my Dad and my brothers and I turned out fine.  I have my MBA and enjoy my career.  I have watched my nephew for a week and went stir crazy, so I know I would never be a stay at home Mom.  But I do give many props to those that can!!

I think do whatever makes you happy.  If your family can afford it and you want to, more power to you! 🙂

Post # 69
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I totally get feeling guilty for wanting to be a SAHM!  My mom was the breadwinner (although I have never once wished she was a SAHM) and my dad is a farmer so he was kind of a Stay-At-Home Dad.  For some families education isn’t all that important but in mine it was.  I never even thought about NOT getting a Bachelor’s degree.  College was a given.  Not to mention, all of the women in my family have always been very progressive, no 50’s housewives here!  So the thought of falling into “traditional” roles is really hard.  On the other hand, right now I would LOVE to be able to stay at home and run the house (with a part time job so that I don’t get cabin fever.) 

Aside from all of that though, I don’t know that it will ever be financially feasible.  At least my husband totally supports me either way.  I’ve asked him if he’s interested but he loves coaching too much.  At least we have a few years to figure it out.  We’re thinking kidlets in 5 years or so. 

Post # 70
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I plan to be a housewife and then a Stay-At-Home Mom after I get married. I was a single mom, finishing up college full time (my daughter was 3 weeks when the semester started…LOL), working full time, I have been working the past 11.5 years in coporate america. I MISSED my daughter’s 1st birthday b/c I was out of town on business Frown and I KNOW she missed out on a lot of the attention she would have gotten had I been a Stay-At-Home Mom b/c I was just exhausted by the time I picked her up from daycare. Now that she is in middle school (7th grade) she talks about how she wishes we could do more things together. I feel bad about it…but working like that is what I HAD to do in order to provide us with what we have now….plu sI need lots of intellectual stimulation…LOL

However, now that I don’t HAVE to work, I want to be there for any kids that Fiance and I have together. I will be going to school full time to get my master’s and have agreed to be a Stay-At-Home Mom until any kids we have start 1st grade…after that..I am going back in the work force and they are going to after-school. So we are starting immediately after saying “I DO” and want to have them back-to-back. Yes, I worry about being behind in technology (I am in test engineering) but for me, it’s worth being there for my kids. I can catch up to new technology…but I can never get back the time I was unable to spend with my daughter….just my reasons…no slams aganst anyone else

Post # 71
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I will be a Stay-At-Home Mom.  I respect women who maintain an outside career and those who make home their job,  Both lifestyles are demanding and challenging in different ways.  To each their own, right?  I don’t believe it makes me less driven in my career now because I want to leave it eventually.  I see it as a career move, I guess. 

This is what real feminism is about: we get to choose without being judged for it.

Post # 72
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

I plan to be a stay at home mom until they are all at school. I REALLY don’t want my kids in a daycare.I never went to one and I don’t want them in one.( my grandmas watched me b/c they were younger then) I WISH my mom could watch them, but the thing is, some people don’t live near family. People move after college. My mom isn’t old enough to be retired anyway.

I teach now, so I have no problem staying home because I’ll be teaching my kids, not eating bonbons and watching the soaps.LOL If my mom was retired, I’d feel differently. My grandmas are still alive, but I prefer not to ask them to baby sit. They are 71yrs old and don’t need to be burdened like that. It may not be a burden to some, but I see how some of my cousin’s drop their kids off and it irritates me to no end.

My mom worked and I see no problem with working. I got a Master’s degree to prove I want to work.LOL But when the kids go to school, I’ll get back in the workforce. My SO has no problem with this. 🙂

Post # 73
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@chicagowife: your post could have been written by me! This is a decision many women struggle with. What is interesting is I have gone through most of my life so far thinking I could NEVER be a Stay-At-Home Mom, not because I think it is bad (my lovely mother was a Stay-At-Home Mom, and I LOVED it), but because like you, I almost feel guilty tossing my years of education in water to stay home. I went back to school for a second degree too, and will have loans from that, so I will work for a few years before having kids anyway.

One option I am considering, at least until the kids are in school, is to work part-time. I will be a nurse (as of next June) and the hours in nursing are long (typically 12 hour shifts), which makes it challenging to raise a family when your parent’s aren’t there to help you. That way I could still have a career and kids.

Could you work part time rather than completely give up your job? This may be an option for you if you didn’t want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom full time.

Post # 74
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I stayed home with both my kids for the first year. With my Dear Daughter4, I went back to work part-time initially and then full-time. My XH watched DD$ full-time (he is self-employed) and then it went down to 3 days a week with a nanny and 2 days at week at home with dad until she stared preschool a year ago.

The only way I would ever have another child is if I could stay home for the first year at a minimum (and preferably two). I feel that is the very minimum every parent should do for bonding with their child, although I know it’s not always possible.

However, once the baby was in school full-time I would want to go back to work. I don’t think I have the personality to just stay home cleaning, or running family related errands during the day and, although I think volunteering is noble, I’d rather spend my day working to help my kids have all the things they want in life. Still, at the beginning, I would HAVE TO be a Stay-At-Home Mom. This is non-negotiable in my book.

Post # 75
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Being a Stay-At-Home Mom has always been what i wanted. i have very traditional views on marrieage but thought i would never have the chance. when i talked to my fiance about it he thought it was a great idea. we want a large family and i want to be there to raise them. we won’t be having children for quite a few years so i’ll be working until he gets a job. THEN i’ll finally be a Stay-At-Home Mom. =) we’re very excited

Post # 76
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am a nurse, so I have a lot of flexibility with when/how much I work, and it makes it really easy to “have it all” to a degree.

Our plan when we have kids is that I will take my 1 year maternity leave (in Canada we get one year off, and you receive maternity (unemployment) benefits for that year). After that I will go back to work as a casual staff, and only work when my FH will be home until our kids go into school (so I will work evenings/nights and weekends, when my FH is not travelling for work (he travels about 1 week/month)), I will probably work somewhere between 10-20 hours a week then.

Once our kids are in school I will work day shifts during the week as well as evenings/weekends when my FH is around (he travels for work a lot though so I will probably work mostly day shifts).

My mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom until we were all in school, then started working as a teacher, and it was a great balance. We had about 1-2 hours of after school care, and the rest of the time we had a parent at home.

Post # 77
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We will be hopefully trying for a baby as soon as we are married next year.  I have no intention of being a homemaker.  It’s not really feasible financially for one of us to not work.

I will say that daycare providers do not raise your children, just like teachers do not raise your children when they start school.  I went to daycare as a child and I had no doubts at all about who was raising me – my parents, not Miss Amy from the daycare center.

 

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