(Closed) Anyone considering becoming a SAHM?

posted 10 years ago in Babies
Post # 78
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You know what?

I aspire to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. Without my mom,I won’t be where I am now. Not exceedingly successful. But successful enough and I know she’s proud of me. =)))

xoxo,lala

Post # 79
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I already have 2 kids and work part time. To be honest I didn’t really aspire to be a stay at home mom. I am a nurse and with my schedule I was still able to spen a lot of time with my older daughter, but with the expense of child care we would be LOSING money each month. It is something people don’t often think about until they have kids. In the summer for pat-time child care we spen over $1,200 a month. Some people might not think daycare is a good thing, but when it is the right environmentvchildren grow and learn so much. Including socialization, which is very important to learn from the begining. I have heard horror stories from friends who are teachers and the kids have never played with other children.

With that said, I absolutely love being home more often then not.vIt is not easy to be home 100% of the time. It is definately a full time job. I also find it a nice break to be at work and do what I love to do. It keep sme form feeling burnt out from either “job”.

Post # 80
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I plan on being a WAHM {Work at Home Mom}, and as we’ve recently moved too far from my previous job to make communiting worth it I’m already working from home… so now we just need the baby! *lol*

I’ve *always* wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, in spite of my honors degree and post-grad work. So I’ve been building my little online business with that goal in mind, and we’ve tailored our lifestyle to living off just hubs’ salary. And I’m totally planning to take advantage of all you ladies who don’t/can’t be Stay-At-Home Mom and do some daytime day care! 😉

Post # 81
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Honestly, I’ve never really had the desire to stay at home.  Perhaps my opinion will change once I have a child, but I like working.  Like others have said, I spent a lot of time in school, and I plan to continue my education so that my Fiance and I and our potential future family can be comfortable.

Also, my mom was and still is a stay at home mom and I am so so grateful for that!! But I just have a different personality.  I have much respect for those who are SAHMs!

Post # 82
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

This post actually made me call my mom because she and my father were both professionals and I had a nanny who was waiting on me and my mom from the moment that I arrived home from the hospital and I wanted to know if my mom had any regrets and she said she would not have made a different choice. Me and all of my siblings have grown up to become well adjusted, educated, and successful in almost all realms of life. Each of us is either engaged, married or in stable long term relationships and we all can support ourselves in our chosen lifestyle.

My point is that I do not believe that “being raised by another person” is a terrible thing. My nanny was definitely influential in my life but when I think about who taught me about being a good person and helped me thru the hard times in life I think about my mom and dad. I definitely feel that tho I had a nanny I was raised by my mother and father and they did a damn good job.

For the most part I think of my nanny more like a grandmother or aunt than someone my parents paid to raise me because she definitely is a member of my family – she came to my high school ball games, graduation, college graduation etc and when she got cancer I came home from college to sit with her thru rounds chemo. I think that if you can find someone as wonderful as I had then you can have everything in life – a career and a happy healthy child.

Post # 83
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom, and I used to be a working mom!

I think the worst thing about trying to decide what is best for you and your family (if you have the luxury of being able to decide) is that most people have to make their plans before they know what it’s like to have children.  People who have watched children have a better idea.  But it’s still not the same as having your own.  You could say that you would love to stay home, then find once you get there that you want to pull your hair out.  You could say I don’t want to stay home, build up your career, and find when you have kids that you regret investing in your career so much, “because now you fel like you’ve invested too much money in your education etc. to stay at home”.  I’ve seen that with several fellow mommies.  You could find that you have a shortage of funds and can’t stay home, or a child with needs that more or less require you to stay home.

I worked after  our first was born.  He went to daycare.  We didn’t live near family.  It never felt right to drop him off everyday.  (And I hated it when the gals at daycare would tell me they got him to___ today.  -Stand up, eat solid food, you name it.  I felt like “I was trying to get him to do it.”  They stole my thunder.  Or maybe they were just better at it than me.)  My husband would drop him off around 6:30am.  I would pick him up around 6pm.  When we got home, I would have to hurry to feed him and make dinner. Then it was bath time and bed time.  That was a lot to cram in, when you are talking a window of maybe two hours.  Almost no time to play.  But wait!  There was lots of playing time on the weekends right?  Well not really.  Sure there was some, but the weekends were largely spent doing chores that we didn’t really get done during the week.  So when our second came around I stayed at home.  Yes, I wasn’t really into my career.  But it was a logisitcal as much as emotional choice.  Unless you have family around, you are going to stay home with a sick child, at some point.  Or go to a teacher conference or do lunch duty at school or doctor appointments. My husband is the breadwinner.  So it makes sense that I field the random changes in schedule and not bother his busy day.  It makes sense that I get chores done to free up our family to do family things on the weekends.  We send our kids to private school.  I can volunteer and spend time in class, and fulfill mandatory obligations too, without my husband missign a beat.  But obviously others are going to have different scenarios.  Some people have family help.  Some people need to work. 

For those who don’t have children yet, but think you can have it all.  I think that it depends on what you feel “having it all” means.  You can have a job and be a mom, certainly.  But you can’t be the most available employee and the most available mom at the same time.  At some point everyone will want you, and you’ll have to choose who gets you.  I understand with my husband, as much as he wants to say his family comes first, that really his work comes first.  And I get that.  Working, for him, is his (vitally) crucial way of contributing to our family.  But that means sometimes he can’t be available to us.  But again, I’m not sure what peole define as having it all. 

Post # 85
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Fiance and I have been talking about this a lot lately.  I have a master’s degree in chemistry, but currently am employed as a contract employee with no benefits or paid time off (oh economy).  Fiance is an attorney who will likely be a partner around the same time we are TTC.  So financially, we would be fine on only his salary.

I am planning on transitioning to teaching either HS or college at some point in the next few years.  So my tentative plan right now is to first work my current job along with an evening/weekend college teaching job, and once we have kids, leave my current job and retain the teaching job.  Once the kids get older or if the opportunity arises, I will seek out more teaching opportunities and possibly get certified to teach HS full time when they are in school.

I certainly don’t judge people who are on either side of this debate, I know Fiance and I have come up with the plan that works the best for us based on our financial situation and family goals, and I assume others are also making the decision that is best for them.

 

Post # 86
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

One of my undergrad professor’s wife has TWO PhDs in sciences (I think bio and chem, though I don’t remember for sure) and she’s a stay at home mom.

If it’s what you want to do, it doesn’t matter what came before.  You’re not betraying your education.  You’ve just decided that a different path makes more sense and will bring more happiness to you and your family.

Post # 87
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I loved school and always thought a successful professional career would be very satisfying.  I’ve always been domestic, but never pictured myself wanting to stay at home with my kids and that was one of the big reasons my previous relationship did not work out. 

Well, after graduating from law school and practicing for several years, it’s not as fulfilling or rewarding as I thought it would be.  And after meeting my husband, my idea of a fulfilling life has really changed.  I am really excited about having a baby and staying home to run the house for a few years.  Like others have said, the idea of working all day at a job I don’t love (and being stressed out even when I’m away from the office), paying for expensive childcare, and trying to take care of all of the chores around the house during the evenings/weekends doesn’t make me happy.  So although my husband loves being maried to an attorney, he is 100% supportive of me being a stay at home mom. 

Post # 88
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

For a long time, I never thought I could be a Stay-At-Home Mom. I always assumed my husband would stay at home with the kids, and he had no problem with that. But now, things are different. I’m slowly realizing that I’m the kind of person who would be completely happy staying at home with kids all day. I’m not sure if it’s because my current job sucks (and I hate it), or if because that’s really who I am. But lately, work just isn’t important to me and I’m realizing the truth behind, “work won’t be there when you’re on your death bed, but family will.” I’m not in a career where I can leave behind an important legacy or anything, so yeah, not as important to me. I think I could be totally fulfilled by raising a family.

But ideally, I suppose, I would own my own business and be a mom at the same time. I guess maybe I wouldn’t want to juggle working for someone else and being a mom, because I’ve seen how difficult it can be, and childcare everyday can get expensive. I would want a business where I would be able to be with my kids a lot during the day and still be professionally successful.

Also, when my husband and I discussed this, I found that it broke my heart to think about missing any firsts with my kids: first steps, first words, even the first laugh.

The only thing that really freaks me out about being a Stay-At-Home Mom is not being financially independant. I’m not sure if I could be comfortable not having my own money.

Post # 89
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would love to be a Stay-At-Home Mom if we can financially afford it. I would leave my day job in a heart beat to be one. The prob is now my salary is awesome. My husband has his own business so I would be his assistant when needed. If one day it booms this would happen. That would be my dream.

Post # 90
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I fully intend to be a Stay-At-Home Mom.  I’ve already had a great career, traveled extensively because of it, and have enough accomplishments to make up an impressive resume should I decide to rejoin the workforce.  I was laid off 9 months before our wedding and it put a lot of things in perspective.  We are in a position where I don’t need to work and we can be comfortable.  Not extravagent but certainly comfortable.  I took a part-time job and was able to spend a lot of time working on the wedding which was fabulous.  Now that the wedding is over we are trying for our first baby and the plan is I will continue to work part-time.  Living in the city I constantly see kids and nannies and I know there is no way I could do that.  I just believe that even the greatest nanny isn’t going to love and care for your child the way you would.  And I don’t want to miss a single milestone because I am at work- that would be devastating for me. 

For me work is just that- work.  I had a great job that I loved but it was still a job.  Just the fact that I’ve already had a successful career is enough for me, I don’t need to continue to work to find value in my day or justify my education.  I can see where I might take on some freelance work or do some consulting but as soon as I have a baby that will be my focus and my priority.

Post # 91
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m still not sure. I used to really want to stay home, but now that I think about it, I don’t know if being at home with little kids all day would really satisfy me. Still, I personally don’t like the idea of taking my kids to daycare. Ideally, we would live close to my mom and she would watch them!

Post # 92
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think being a Stay-At-Home Mom is such a personal decision. A lot of my close friends have started to have families, and none of them stay at home. Some due to finances, and some because they wanted their career too. My husband and I are beginning to talk of having a family and I want nothing more than to stay at home with our family. A lot of it depends on finances, but if we can afford it, I’ll be at home at least until my babies are in school. Surprisingly my husband is even more adamant about me staying home. Realistically it all depends on what we can afford, but I really hope I can be a SAHM!! 🙂

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