Post # 1
Over the months, I’ve read about creative ways people are incorporating marriage equality sentiments in their ceremony/wedding. While the topic is HIGHLY controversial subject among my circle, I’m starting to feel like a big hypocrite when it comes to getting married.
I feel very strongly about marriage equality and the right for everyone to marry. I felt that way prior to being engaged and even stronger after experiencing the transition. I can only imagine how much more after being married.
Has anyone else felt guilty about being able to be married while their other friends/people in general are not able to? It leaves me with a sick feeling in my stomach, honestly….
Post # 3
Yes, it makes me feel really guilty when I stop to think about it. It’s hard to be excited about wedding planning sometimes when I consider how unfair it is that some of my friends in serious relationships can’t plan for a (legally recognized) marriage the way I can just because government tells them so.
In the end, we decided making a statement for equal rights for people of all sexualities during our ceremony and the White Knots are what is right for us. But the thought has certainly crossed my mind before.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I agree, I feel really guilty about getting married when my oldest friend, who I’ve known for 20+ years, can’t marry his partner. It’s devastating.
I posted about it here, and now that I’ve learned more about the White Knot campaign, I think we’re going to do that as well.
Post # 5
It makes me feel TERRIBLE!!! I have a number of gay/lesbian friends who will most def. be there on our wedding day and like good friends always do – they’re always asking how wedding plans are coming. I know they’re excited for me and I love them for it – but I feel so guilty talking about florists & votive candles when I know the stubborn laws they’re facing.
Since we’re having a Catholic mass there’s no way we can incorporate something into the languge of the mass but we plan on mentioning something in the programs for the ceremony.
Post # 6
Yes, I feel guilty about it, and FH and I (after our state voted down gay marriage), seriously discussed not getting married until there is full marriage equality.
I have many gay friends (and some relatives), and discussed my feelings with them, and all that I spoke to expressed to us that they didn’t think we should forgo our marriage, and after talking with them, I agree. You not getting married won’t have as much impact as other activities like becoming politically involved, fundraising, campaigning activities, donating $/time, etc will.
Instead of favors, we are donating to EqualityMaine (our local, pro-marriage equality group). This doesn’t really make me feel totally better, because I still feel like a hypocrite….I don’t think there is any easy answer.
Post # 7
I can imagine how devastating and conflicting that may feel. Fortunately Canada has marriage equity, hopefully the US will follow suite soon!
Post # 8
Yes, I think it is awful. I think marriage equity is the way to go!
I think it’s really sad, but I’m not going to give up my own rights to make a point. Every gay person I’d known has said that we straight people shouldn’t not get married just because they can’t. If marriage makes us happy, they want us to do it and be there when they can finally some day, too. If that makes sense.
Post # 9
I’m with Future Mrs. Martin, I celebrated with my friends SO HARD when marriage equality came to England. Although in Scotland it’s still not law we’re slowly getting there. I can’t imagine what it must feel like 🙁
Post # 10
I am deeply sad that not all of my loved ones can get married, but I don’t feel hypocritical. I believe marriage is important, and all loving pairs should be able to take part. Not getting married in protest doesn’t forward that position, and one more pro-equality pair getting legally hitched doesn’t hurt the cause. You don’t beed to feel like a hyprocrite.
Post # 11
I have always been a supporter of marriage equality but I have not considered not getting married. I can say that since getting engaged, I have become even more aware of how unfair it is that not everyone is allowed to get married. Everyone should be able to experience this. I, too, would like to incorporate some sort of marriage equality sentiment at my wedding or reception. I am getting married in a Presbyterian church, so I am not sure that I can do it there, but I was thinking about incorporating it at the reception. The only thing is, as progressive as my fiance and I and our wedding party are, the wedding is in Oklahoma City. Many of the guests are from the area and, not unexpectedly, very conservative. I want to tell them all how important this is to us, while not upsetting guests. Any ideas?
Post # 12
@Miss Olive: I went to a wedding where, on the back of the table number cards (which were little tent cards), they printed a quote from the Massachusetts Supreme Court case that legalized gay marriage (pasted below). It’s very neutrally written, but definitely holds the case that you belief that everyone should be able to get married.. and probably won’t offend conservative guests. It could also be printed on a program.
FROM GOODRIDGE V DEPT OF HEALTH (Mass. 2003): Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations….Without question, civil marriage enhances the “welfare of the community.” It is a “social institution of the highest importance.” It is central to the way the Commonwealth identifies individuals, provides for the orderly distribution of property, ensures that children and adults are cared for and supported whenever possible from private rather than public funds, and tracks important epidemiological and demographic data….Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family…. Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition….It is undoubtedly for these concrete reasons, as well as for its intimately personal significance, that civil marriage has long been termed a “civil right.”
I, too, feel extrememly strongly about Marriage Equality. We plan to include a note in our program or in the ceremony about it. I wouldn’t mind having a “commitment ceremony” and not being married legally until everyone can, but I need health insurance…
Post # 13
I don’t feel like a hypocrite, but I do feel sad. Now that I’m actually getting married, I appreciate what’s being denied to my friends in a much more visceral way, and that can be difficult.
What makes me feel better is doing something proactive, whether it’s in my personal or political life, to further marriage equality. Even if it’s just something small.
Post # 14
I feel the same way. It makes me very sad that I am able to have civil rights that others are not allowed. In some ways I feel pretty guilty about it.
Post # 15
Nope it doesn’t bother me one bit. As I don’t believe in the rights of everyone to marry. It’s of my belief that marriage belongs to men and women that is ONE man and ONE woman. If you’re not following that, then you are indeed sinning. Do I have gay friends? Yea. Do they want to get married? Nope (I’ve asked). If you’re wondering my closest homosexual friend will be invited with his boyfriend to our wedding. All of my non-married friends regardless of sexual prefernce will be invited along with a +1.
Post # 16
I’m a huge advocate for marriage equality, and it makes me incredibly sad that some of my friends can’t get married or have their marriages recognized in other states. (I’m from MA, so my friends are able to get married there.) I will still get married, but I also won’t stop advocating for marriage equality.