(Closed) Anyone dealing with personal issues that are overshadowing the wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
888 posts
Busy bee

I haven’t had any time at all to post lately, but I just had to come on when I saw this.  I really feel for you and just wanted to give you a big hug. 

I have a totally different situation which i have posted about here months ago but it is overshadowing the wedding for me and my family members.  I was abused by my parents in some pretty dramatic ways – long story short, I no longer maintain ties with my mother.  While my family actually supports this decision (they actually encouraged me to do this many years before I actually had the courage to cut my mom off), they still have a limited relationship with her. 

They can’t seem to stop bringing up the past and it’s very painful for me.  The veer back and forth between “you are such an amazing person to be successful and sane and have endured all of the things she put you through” and then going into detail about many things I have been trying to get past and don’t really want to discuss all the time to “we know she is an absolute monster  but we feel badly that she is not invited to the wedding.  It’s uncomfortable for us.” 

Yeah, well, sorry you are uncomfortable.  My mother occassionally calls me – to ask for money (despite a large amount she inherited from an ex) and curse at me. Sorry that YOU, family, are uncomfortable that I no longer want to deal with that.

I spena a lot of time trying to change the subject.  I don’t know if any family members will actually be at my wedding. 

That was kind of a vent I’m sorry. I am very sad today. I don’t know if I helped but I wanted you to know you are not alone.

Post # 4
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m really sorry you are going through this. I had this fear consistently, as my brother struggled with a drug problem, also. My parents put all their energy into dealing with him, and I truly felt like I got put on the backburner a lot (my husband actually got deployed my senior year and my parents were, let’s say, not helpful at all and i felt bad ever bringing up my problems to them), but got some advice from a coworker of mine at the time (whose brother struggled with addiction, also) and encouraged me to find other people to confide in and to withdraw a little bit. I was in a tug-of-war with my parents and my brother and it was bringing me down with them all. I couldn’t focus at school and I was losing sleep over it. Basically, I had to pull myself out of as much family drama as I could because I wasn’t helping and it was just hurting me in the process. It was really tough; the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It feels like turning your back on someone. 

I can’t say I have a lot of advice wedding-wise for you, as my brother died in a car accident a couple months before I got engaged, clean and sober. Life’s funny like that I guess. But I hope your sister can clean up her act. If not, it’s tough on everybody. It almost ripped my parents apart over the past few years.

Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to about this. I’ve learned that most people are really ignorant about addiction. Not on purpose…it’s just hard to relate and understand because drugs are such a bad thing.

Post # 5
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so sorry!  I can relate with family issues overshadowing the wedding.  My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and she is graduating high school this year.  Without going into detail, last summer a college guy did something very wrong and it caused a lot of drama (completely not the fault of my sister – she was the victim in all of this).  There was a court case and he was put into jail, but it took a long time for that to happen (at least from my perspective).  My parents were trying to support my sister as much as possible and my mom had to take a lot of time off of work to meet with investigators, lawyers, go to court, etc.  She nearly lost her job over it, which of course just made everything worse.  Everything seems to have settled down now… we’ll see how long that lasts.


I’m so sorry for what you’re going through right now!

Post # 6
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m going through some family drama too…Nothing like what you guys are having to deal with though…:/

My sister is 20 and used to be the “good” child. She was perfect, had money saved up, and was going to school. She started hanging with some other kids and they’ve really led her down a negative path. She started pretending to go to school every morning even though she had really dropped out. She’s spent all of her savings and is now facing repossesion on her truck. She also has threatened my mom with going into the military if people keep “smothering” her. Like I said, nothing compared to what you all have to deal with, but she and I used to be really close so it is hard to see her slowly cut all of us out of her life and just go down this path in life. I hate watching her make these bad decisions that I know she’ll regret one day.

I’m sorry you guys are going through such tough stuff!! You are strong women!

Post # 7
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

My mom just informed us a few weeks ago she’s flat-broke, filing bankruptcy and losing her townhouse of 18 years. Timing couldn’t have been any worse. It’s been such a struggle these last few weeks, but I’m hanging in there. Some days I can hardly summon the strength to get out of bed because the stress is just too much, but other days (like today) I’m happy, excited about the wedding and feel we can get thru all of this!

I’m so glad our wedding is only two weeks away, as I can not take much more of the planning. HATE the planning..ready for the big day and honeymoon and marriage! ๐Ÿ™‚

Sorry to hear about all of your stories. Hang in there! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry my other bees are facing drama, too. I don’t know about you girls, but I’ve never demanded attention in my life so was secretly hoping my wedding day would be the one time I’d actually receive a little. NOPE.

My grandmother passed away 10 days after we got engaged; my brother & sister-in-law made some very poor financial decisions, and my parents bailed them out to the tune of $200K; my Future Sister-In-Law got engaged 3 months after us and set her wedding date for 4 weeks before ours; my neice was born with hip dysplasia and needs corrective surgery; I could go on and on.

Fiance and I have been fighting so much. I know he’s the right man for me and that I want to marry him, but I feel like we’re throwing a really super duper expensive party for us and maybe 3-4 of our closest friends – the people who DO ask us how things are going. At that rate we’re paying $4000/head lol

Is this worth it?


Post # 9
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Not family, but…

3 days after my shower, one of my closest friends unexpectantly took her own life. That was a week ago, and ever since then everything seems so unimportant, including wedding planning. My energy and enthusiasm for life have hit an all time low. Today was her funeral and it was probably the hardest day of my life so far. I really miss her and can’t believe I now have to spend a lifetime without her, much less that she won’t be at my wedding to see me get married.

Somehow, I still managed to get 90% of my invites out today, but I think thats mainly because I’m functioning on auto-pilot at the moment.

Sorry everyone is going through crappy times right now. ๐Ÿ™ It sure throws a curveball in the planning, huh?

Post # 10
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

@noopnoop I’m so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine what you are going through. (((Hugs)))

Post # 11
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010


My sister is also a drug addict, and I can relate to your fears exactly. PM me if you want to talk.


Post # 12
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

So sorry you’re going through this. I’m in the same boat with drama overshadowing our wedding. I realized today that it’s totally affecting me – before I sleep I think about it, and when I wake-up the drama’s on my mind. What’s getting to me the most is the fact that I shouldn’t be going through this crap because it’s NOT even a family member and yet my family is involved! I’m so over it!

@noopnoop, I’m so sorry for your loss.


Post # 13
6 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

@passionfriut – My brother is a drug addict as well.

He’s been in and out of treatment centers and courts for the last three years. Needless to say, it’s put a strain on the wedding planning at times. 

It’s so hard because i swing back and forth between being angry at him for taking away the one time I should be in the spotlight and having fun with my Mom (I’m pretty shy, but was really looking forward to being a bride!) and then seeing what a life he’s stuck in and feeling terribly bad for him. 

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk/vent/etc. ((hugs))

@noopnoop – I’m so very sorry for your loss ((hugs))

Post # 14
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m so sorry you are going through this.  I couldn’t imagine going through such a tough situation ever, let alone during an engagement.

Can you talk to her in a intervention-setting?  I know this is probably the last thing you want to do before your wedding but I think trying to give her help and support her will give you leverage should it fall through and you have to tell her not to come.  Or it could work and get her on a path to healing.

Let us know how everything goes and keep coming here to vent!  It’s not good for your spirits to keep it bottled up.

Post # 15
14 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

Man!  Sorry to hear about all the crap us brides are going through.  It doesn’t seem fair!?!  I guess what we can do at this point is to be thankful for what we have instead of what we don’t.  After reading all these comments, I’m happy to be alive, in LOVE, and not a drug addict. 

But, believe me, I feel your pain.  My Dad passed away unexpectdly 3 months after we got engaged.  Seems like after that, everything went down hill.  I think everyone in my family forgot that we were getting married.  Thank God my Mom has been doing better and has been helping me more with wedding planning.  However, seems like the closer the day gets the harder it is for me to accept the fact my Dad will not walk me down the aisle.  It just sucks.  And Fiance and I were both laid off from our jobs and we owe over $1,000 to the IRS in taxes.  Yes, not happy. 

Lets try and smile Bees, we really have a lot to look forward to ๐Ÿ™‚ *HUG* 

Post # 16
24 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

My Sweetie and I deal with each other well. There have been so many new things going on that are so happy about in his family and so sad in mine.  Both of our family things go back for about 15 years.

He has an exwife and 2 kids from that marriage. It’s been a long time and his oldest just found him. His youngest is about 15, she hasn’t contacted him yet so he is waiting. The exwife cheated on him and married one of the guys, he then adopted the girls. My Sweetie agreed because he wanted the least stress for his kids.

My dad and I have a tentative relationship. He is a 65 yr adult who won’t take any responsibility for his actions and can’t admit when he did something wrong. A few days ago I had to kick him out of my house after he told me that he “hated my guts and never wanted to see me again”.  The back story is long and really not as invasive as it sounds.

My Fiance is so emotional right now, for good reason. Since I don’t know the girls at all I am apprehensive to meet them but still very excited.

Things with my dad still aren’t good. I really don’t want him to think he has any “right” to “give me away” anymore. I asked him when we were on better terms and now I want to recant that. I’d much rather walk myself down the asile. I also will be nervous all day about how he is going to behave at the reception. 

Honestly I’m just really pissed at anyone and everyone who tries to make all of this harder than it needs to be. We are already paying for everything ourselves. Just a little emotional support and understanding would be lovely!

I love my friends that are helping with the planning but they have kids and lives… My Fiance is my bestfriend and he really isn’t alot of help right now which I totally understand.

One of my managers was going to pay for the catering because she had a family member who was just charging for food cost but that fell through. She said she’d still pay but I know she can’t afford it.

Ok, that’s enough irritation for now.

We really all do need a group hug!

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