(Closed) Anyone do a 180 on name change decision?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

As a staunch feminist, yes. I was NEVER going to change my name. Ever. Until DH made me Mrs HIs Name in his phone just after we got engaged. Suddenly I just . . . changed my mind. It doesn’t make me less of a feminist or his property. The great thing about feminism is our right to choose. And I decided to do what made me feel warm, safe and happy. I feel no guilt for it but I did shock myself. 

I think when you meet the right man becoming family is amazing and names solidify that really romantically. Do what you desire to do. There is no ‘should’ when it comes to personal matters. Your right to changing or co opting a name is a purely personal matter and don’t let anyone tell you different!

Post # 3
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Yes!  I didn’t realize that the decision to change my name would be made when we applied for the license.  I always thought I would keep my last name (I am literally the only person with my last name left in our family) but when I was put on the spot I was sorely tempted to use his last name.  He convinced me to keep mine and that we can always change it later. I’m not down with the hypenated names either. Some days I really feel like changing it but for now I’ll keep my own. Perhaps if/when we have a child I might feel differently. 

ETA: My husband hates traditions that make woman feel obligated to do anything. He said we might just have to come up with our own last name if I can’t deal with hyphenating. And if I hyphenate, he will hyphenate also.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by louiseza.
Post # 4
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I feel the same way! (and my husband is also 100% supportive of any choice I want to make) Since generally you have about 1 year to decide (without having to pay a lot of money or see a judge to change your name) I let the wedding planning dust settle and I waited 11 months before making my decision.  I decided to change my last name to his, I like how it makes it clear to everyone that we’re a family, especially once when we have kids, that way nobody is going to need to awkwardly inquire if we’re divorced or not.

Post # 5
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

I kept my last name for a few years. Eventually I decided to hyphenate, giving me the longest last name ever. I love it though 🙂

Post # 6
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee

I won’t lie, there have been times I’ve thought “hmm….maybe”. So far I’m still firmly in the nit changing camp, though. Anyway, you have time to decide- and you could even just use his name socially before making a permanent change, if you’re on the fence.

Post # 8
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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swonderful:  Us women have to stop judging each other. Feminism should always be about support and empowerment. Changing my name was empowering to me. It was an educated and truly joyful choice. I think there’s more to creating equality than simply retaining our maiden names. Feeling as though you are hurting the cause is proof that feminism needs to become a little more accepting and liberal within its main contingent. It’s sad to me that there remain factions as opposed to a united front. However I am a feminist who embraces my female urges as much as I embrace my human ones. Changing my name was delicious. I will not be judged or disapproved of for that. 

Post # 9
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I was similar. I really wanted a family name and had generally assumed it would be mine. Hubby’s is VERY Russian…lol Anyway, it turned out it was easier for me to change mine than for him to change his and I was suprised how happy I was to do it and how excited I was to get my new ID. 

Post # 10
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I planned on changing my name, but last minute became sentimental and now have my maiden name as part of my middle name. 

Post # 11
Member
881 posts
Busy bee

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swonderful:  One of the wonderful things about feminism is that we have the right to choose what is important to us and follow our hearts! 

If it makes your heart sing, then let it sing! 

Post # 12
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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swonderful:  I completly agree with 
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soontobemrsKB92615: I love that because of feminism, I have a choice. I still don’t know what I will do, and he isn’t pressuring me to decide, and I love him for that (and many other reasons!).

 

Honestly, I wish our names worked well together so we could make up a new one and both change to that, lol.

Post # 13
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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Yipeebee:  You and me are the same! I always said I’d never take a guy’s name or would hyphenate at the MOST.

Then I met Mr Knitter 😛 I love the idea of us becoming a family and our future kiddos having the same name as both of us. I’ll probably use my maiden name as a middle name for a kiddo as it’s a nice name.

Post # 14
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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swonderful:  I am like 99% sure I won’t change my name. I’m 30, I have professional licenses, graduate degrees, etc. PLUS I changed my name (with zero hesitation) for my first marriage, and unexpectedly ended up having such a difficult time with the change (there were other complicating factors of course).

When I met Fiance, though, he has a really lovely last name, and it’s shorter and easier than mine, and it has nice connotations. His family is wonderful, he’s wonderful, he doesn’t care if I change mine, etc. I go through phases of feeling torn and wanting to take his, because my father’s (adoptive) father was a horribly abusive man and my dad has had no contact with him since he was a child. I love my name because it’s mine and my dad’s, but there’s no real positive family history, you know? So I am tempted to take FI’s name because his family is actually really nice! BUT feminism! And patriarchy! And what message do I want to send to my children? 

So even though I know that feminism is about the right to choose, and even though I think I have really valid reasons to change my name (and Fiance is open to us both hyphenating if I wanted, or hyphenating the kids’), I still feel torn to keep true to who I feel I am. 

All that to say, I can definitely see myself doing something similar to you at the last minute 😛 I hope you find peace with your decision!

Post # 15
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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swonderful:  I absolutely get it. Fiance is 100% supportive of what I want, but I’ve been torn between 1. No change, 2. Move Maiden to either second middle or 3. Double my last name, no hyphen. All of this with the intention of keeping maiden professionally and using married, I don’t know, whenever I feel like it I guess. For the majority of my thought process, I’ve been in the no change camp. And then two night ago, as I got suckered into some Vista print add-ons, I typed our married name into a return label, and couldn’t stop smiling. I was shocked, and even more shocked that I ordered them. I decided if I change my name, $8 is no big deal. And I’m still not sure of what combo I want. But sometimes something just shifts, especially the closer we get to the date. Luckily, everyone who knows you as the feminist that you are will still know you as that person. Your actions always speak louder than your name. 

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