(Closed) Anyone elope and not tell anyone – then big wedding later??

posted 10 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 17
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

From what I’ve heard it’s becoming more popular these days.

Post # 17
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I want to do this, honestly because we decided to live together 1 years ago and im a strong christian now and i rather not live in sin anymore. and its on for us personally and then have a wedding later as if we never got married before. i really want to do this and not tell anyone at all and go to tennesse. we never know when we will go and i feel more comfortable if we live together and be married then not be, God could take us tomorrow and there we would be. ALSO WHAT ALL DO I NEED FOR AN ELOPEMENT? should i take a bouquet flowers, what should i wear, should i have ring boxes, i wanna do unity sand in a bottle? opinions? guidance? THANKS EVERYONE 🙂 GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!

Post # 18
Member
2502 posts
Sugar bee

My FH and I are probably going to go this route for tax reasons. We’ve joined our finances, and want to be able to file together. Our incomes are so differenet that filing together would actually save us a couple thousand dollars. So we’re going to head to the courtroom something before the end of the year, and then wedding is Spring 2017. We’re not planning on telling people before the wedding, because we don’t want peope to get the wrong idea – for us, going to the courtoom is NOT when we “get married” – it’s just legal paperwork that we happen to be filing several months ahead of schedule. When we will be married is our wedding day, when we stand up together in front of all of our family and friends and make promises to each other.

Post # 19
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016

That’s exactly what we did …and for insurance!! 😀 We were enganged 11/14 and Jan 15 my husband chipped his tooth which in turn cracked it and it had to be pulled…he had NO insurance, but I did.  So he paid for the tooth out of pocket and I jokingly said let’s just get legally married to get you on my insurance…wellllll after some thinking it made a TON of sense so we did it, Jan 23, 2015 is our ACTUAL wedding day but we had already had 4/16/16, the day after our 3 year anniversary planned as our “day”! So we wanted to keep it just the two of us and go to the courthouse BUT our family wouldn’t allow it, they ALL had to go…so we had a small ceremony at the courhouse…but are still having our BIG day 4/16/16! 😀  It has been amazing!

 

Afterward we gathered at a local restaurant for dinner and my cousin, who is my Maid/Matron of Honor bought a cake so we had dinner, drinks, and cake 😀

Post # 20
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

My now husband and I just eloped yesterday without telling anyone! We were so stressed about the expectations that my parents had put into our wedding that we wanted to have our special moment for just us. He’s in the military and could be deployed anytime so it was not only just for us, but it was somewhat practical. We plan to have a “pretend” wedding later with all the family in the next year. I haven’t told anyone just to avoid hurt feelings. But honestly, I am so glad we did it. 

Post # 21
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t appreciate the dishonesty of it.

I’m just as happy to celebrate your vow exchange ceremony (or whatever it’d be called) as I am to attend a wedding…but some people aren’t. Some wouldn’t attend a “fake” wedding, and those people should be given the information they need in order to make that choice for themselves. 

Post # 22
Member
1707 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

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peggy09 :  I didn’t really elope. Just got married in my husband’s church in his pastor’s office with my mediate family. It took a good 10 minutes and then we were out. We both planned to have a ceremony later on. I mean I bought this GORGEOUS dress I never got to wear.  I’m like….its been 5 months since Ive married the guy and everyone knows I did, there’s no point in having a ceremony now. But what I plan to do is have a “honeymoon” vacation on our 1st year anniversary.  And leave it at that. 

Don’t stress if you can’t or don’t have time to have a ceremony for your family. We saved THOUSANDS of dollars not having one. But if you really want to have a wedding, go ahead. Have that planning experience 🙂 have memories and photos. Itll be great. 

Post # 23
Member
1707 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016 - Garden

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tinneranne2 :  I wouldn’t consider it as “fake” if they love each other and want the family to share what they shared when they got married. I would just consider it as a second ceremony 🙂 their love and vows to each other are real, theres nothing “fake” about that.  

EDIT: but I do agree with family members having their opinion about their decision. I had my family members mad at me too. But it is what it is. 😏 let them be mad. I’m not living for them.

Post # 24
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee

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princessbee1991 :  I don’t think there’s anything disingenuous about the sentiment that’ll be expressed, and certainly some people won’t mind that it isn’t technically a wedding (as the couple would already be married).

I know people who would, for example, take off work or travel for a wedding but would not go to the same lengths to attend a second ceremony, as you describe it. I’m all for giving people honest information and letting them decide for themselves, rather than leading people to believe something that isn’t accurate.

Post # 25
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

Congrats!! I am eloping too. We are telling people but not blasting it on Facebook and I don’t talk about it at work. I am being under the radar bc I was engaged before and when the wedding got cancelled I was really embarassed. I am being superstitutios this time. I personally am choosing to elope just us two to an island. I dont have it in me to be going back and forth with a caterer, band, florist, videographer, officiant, all the guests, entertain them when they come into town, room blocks, linen company, transportation company, favors, cake maker etc. I would be the one paying and its just not worth it to me.  I just want to look good in my pictures, have fun, and marry my Fiance LOL. 

But do what makes you feel comfortable. There’s no one that I feel is necessary to be with me when I get married. I am older too in my late 30’s and not close to my family also my mom died so I would be planning all myself plus she wouldnt be there either. My Fiance is almost 40 and his parents are disappointed but they understand. Again, they arent paying, I would be. 

Post # 26
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

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enoh102 :  how did you do that. What did you tell the officiate to have a real wedding not a vow renewal? ?

 

Post # 27
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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peggy09 :  I’m on my second marriage, but my first husband and I did this. It was incredible. It was just the 2 of us and so heartfelt. We included our parents, and both cried a lot.

I did find afterwards that I did not give 2 shits about the wedding, which surprised me. I kept wanting to say screw it and tell everyone. If we would have gotten a photographer with the first one I would have. Just something to consider– once the important part is done, the rest falls into perspective quickly.

Post # 28
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

delete- duplicate

Post # 29
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

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tinneranne2 :  The one thing about it that I love is that no one knows a thing unless the bride & groom say something. Therefore I can’t agree with it being “dishonest”. A couple has the right to choose how they get married & whom they share the information with; if at all. They have the right to hold a special secret also.

People who get married on paper for insurance, tax or military purposes shouldn’t have to forfeit everything that comes with a traditional marriage. I think they should still do the engagement & the showers & the big wedding & reception as long as that’s what they want. 

Just because life’s circumstances push you to make a choice such as this; it shouldn’t keep you from having the wedding and memories of your dreams.  

Post # 30
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee

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perfectpisces :  Also known as a continuing misrepresentation, a lie by omission occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception (in this case, that the couple isn’t yet married).

Lying by omission includes failures to correct pre-existing misconceptions (in this case, that guests will be witnessing a legal wedding ceremony). 

I don’t begrudge anyone their party. I do resent being intentionally mislead, which is what I feel this amounts to. 

 

(Edit – my text is showing up really big on my screen? I’m on mobile, so I am not sure why. Sorry)

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