(Closed) Anyone else actually prefer to adopt, regardless of whether you CAN have kids?

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 17
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I do plan to adopt as well. πŸ™‚

Post # 18
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@kate169:

Yea I really like the idea of adopting a kid/young teenager from America too.  My husband isn’t crazy about the idea though only because he thinks (and rightfully so) the kid will have a lot of emotional problems and will be a huge problem.  I’m confident I could handle that situation though.

Angelina and Brad are the ones responsible for the IA fad lol I swear it’s like the kids are their accessories!  But I know that sounds mean…I’m sure the kids are taken care of and loved.  I just can’t help but question why they haven’t adopted an American kid yet.  And I also question why a lot of stars are constantly over in some foreign country getting involved in starving kids and those kind of programs.  I think it’s great and I know there is a bigger problem in the world than what is just going on in America but I NEVER see any stars doing anything to help our own foster care system.  It’s weird.

Post # 19
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would have never thought about adpoting until I met my FI’s parents. They were foster parents for over 15 years and ended up adopting 5 children. Pretty soon I’m going to have a 3, 4, 8, and 9 year old sisters in laws and a 13 year old brother in law. I love these kids so much and I don’t even want to imagine what would have happened to them if they were never adopted by FI’s parents.

When the time is right for us, I would love to for us to become foster parents and hopefully adopt.

Post # 20
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I thought this was just me!!! I have never had the desire to have my own children, and as of now Fiance and I are undecided about whether we want a family. But if we ever decide that we do want kids, I would like to be one of those people who adopts the older children who have been in foster care or an orphanage for most of their lives. I feel like those are the people who need to be helped the most, and who are often forgotten.

And honestly, if I could skip the stage where they need help going potty and feel the need to ask the same question 97 times in a row, that would be awesome. Just kidding. Kind of.

Post # 21
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We’ve discussed it at great length as well, but haven’t made any real decisions.

I feel like there are so many kids in the world who need families, and I don’t always see the sense in bringing more into the world, when there are already others who we could take in.

It’s definitely not for everyone, and there are a lot of things to consider, but we’re highly in favor of adopting, whether that’s initially or later, in place of biological children or in addition to them.

Post # 22
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Miss Fish:“And honestly, if I could skip the stage where they need help going potty and feel the need to ask the same question 97 times in a row, that would be awesome. Just kidding. Kind of.”

 

LOL my thoughts exactly.  However I have no doubt in my mind that if/when I have my own child, I’ll be a great and patient mom during those stages.  But yea…I’d like to fast fwd to the first day of kindergarten myself haha.

Post # 23
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would rather adobt. Fiance wants his own. He thinks his genes are the best. :/

Post # 24
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I felt that way and always wanted to adopt. Darling Husband, on the other hand, prefers to have children of his own.  I tried to compromise and say one of each; but he’s scared that the adopted child would not feel equally loved. 

I would not have biological children with anyone else, but with time, I became excited to have our own. I still hope that someday he’ll come around and open up to adopting after we have our first…

Post # 26
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@cbee: depending on where you mean by “abroad” be prepared to have your heart broken and to come wishing there hadn’t been red tape preventing you from adopting every child you met… I’ve spent a bit of time volunteering at an orphanage in a very rural part of the world, and know a couple who tried to adopt a little boy who they met there and were denied repeatedly, with no reason given. They ended up adopting another child who they had never met, from the same culture. Also, seeing 30+ babies, two dozen kids ages 2-17 (all with special needs that prevent them from being adoptable) and knowing that there are only 5 paid adults to take care of all of them, 24/7, and a handful of volunteers who come and go … it will break your heart. πŸ™

Post # 28
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I’m adopted! πŸ™‚ My parents adopted me when I was an infant, from the US. They’re white and I’m black. As a kid, I wanted to be like them and adopt two children and have two of my own. However, that has really really changed! I don’t want kids at all… at least I don’t think I do. My Fiance and I decided that we will discuss the whole kid thing in 5 years. But we’re pretty sure we don’t want them. We discussed adopting in the future as well. If that were to happen it would probably be domestically, but we’re not opposed to internationally either. We’ll probably go for an infant/toddler. I’m a Social Worker and used to work in foster care/adoption. I definitely have a heart for it. But I just don’t think either one of us are prepared to raise a kid that remembers their birth family. As a couple who is unsure of whether we want kids… we would probably be inclined to have a dissolved adoption if we did adopt an older child. And I just can’t imagine being the cause of yet another painful broken relationship/family for any child we adopt. I really respect those families who are prepared to deal with the emotional issues that come with older adoptees! We’re just not that family. We have more experience and heart for dealing with race issues (which would definitely happen if we were to adopt). LOVE this thread though πŸ™‚

Post # 29
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@nontraditionalmiami: All adoptees have issues…all the ones I know do! And all the ones I’ve *met* in online support groups say they do as well. 

And if you think about it, why WOULDN’T someone have a little bit of baggage/abandonment issues after being given up for adoption? I’m a pretty normal person, but I struggle with feeling wanted and feeling like I belong. Being the only Asian I knew (and even now I don’t spend much time around Asians) I started to develop a lack of cultural and racial identity as well. 

Food for thought: I went to therapy when I was in high school because I was depressed. The dr I saw also treated five, FIVE other Korean adoptees in an area that has a very, very small Asian population. I think there’s something to that.

Anyone who is interested in adoption issues affecting adoptees should really check out “The Primal Wound” by Nancy Verrier. It’s an eye opener for sure and in my book a must read for those considering adoption πŸ™‚

@cbee: I hear you….but I think it’s better for a person to admit they aren’t able to love an adopted child as much rather than to beat themselves up for it, possibly adopt or get talked into adopting, and then treat the child badly/differently. There shouldn’t be any shame in admitting youre not cut out to be an adoptive parent. I know I’m not made for it!

Post # 30
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Adoption in Canada is difficult & somewhat different than adoption in the US in that the majority of the children available for adoption are First nations Children or Special Needs Children. First Nations children can take up to 10 years to have the process finalized and under current Canadian Law, their biological parents retain their rights to access to those children for life. So if one day the bio mom/dad decided they want their child back, they get their child back lickety split despite the thousands upon thousands of dollars spent on the legal & adoption fees.

On the other hand, children with special needs must be adopted by the right families, with the right dynamic & access to the financial, emotional, and educational resources to raise those children in a healthy, happy environment. We are not that family — we might be financially well off for the moment but any sort of life long medical condition can change that in an instant.

As for the other [domestic] children available to adopt, the cost of legal fees and adoption fees is a fairly large stumbling block, as are the enormous waiting lists. It is something we have talked about, but have not seriously considered due to these factors.

We aren’t keen on international adoption since it seems a very lucrative business and that doesn’t sit extremely well with our morals.

Post # 31
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee

@missmouse29: Oh this info kinda makes me sad that its so difficult when I know the best thing for these kids is to be put into safe, loving homes instead of being bounced around in foster care and other programs.

The topic ‘Anyone else actually prefer to adopt, regardless of whether you CAN have kids?’ is closed to new replies.

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