Post # 1
The simple truth is that we won’t be having many guests at our wedding. We’re a lesbian couple, and though we’re lucky to have our immediate family’s acceptance, most of our extended relatives are Catholic and would not come even if we wanted them to be there. (I really don’t, as I don’t want anyone to be there who would vote against our relationship at the polling booth.)
On top of that, I’ve been moving around a lot for the past several years, and as a result of that I feel like I don’t have a lot of friends. I have a few close friends scattered across the country, but none that are the type to be involved in my wedding planning, want to throw parties (or even attend them), etc. I’ll be lucky if they can all afford/have the desire to come to our wedding.
And even though our immediate families are suportive, our parents are pretty uninvolved (well actually my dad is also religious and he is in denial, but he and my mom are divorced). I know no one is going to throw us an engagement party, a wedding shower, rehearsal dinner, bachelorette party, etcetera.
I feel like a brat who just wants attention, but sometimes I feel so hurt and lonely that friends/cousins etc who get engaged are fawned over and celebrated and it’s such an “event,” but ours will be a quiet little affair. The most important thing is that my fiancee and I get to make our commitments and promises to each other, and I’m sure we’ll have a pretty good time, but still.
Can anyone else relate?
Post # 3
@moonadea: I don’t think you seem like a brat at all, my dear!
Most of our guests will be family; FH and I are at a kind of awkward point in life where our friends are all scattered all over the country because we both graduated from college within the past two years, and frankly, none of them are REALLY close friends of ours.
Our mutual really close friend is going to be our officiant, but other than that, we are really in the same boat as you when it comes to not having a ton of close friends.
Just keep remembering what the wedding is all about. Hold on to your fiancee all night and enjoy your time as a couple; I would express your concerns to her so she can make sure to stay by your side, although she probably would anyways. 😉
Congratulations, and I hope your family will become more supportive as time goes by. Don’t stress! 🙂
Post # 4
I totally feel you. My partner and I are now three months away, and people have really started to get excited. But at the beginning, it was pretty awkward. Family members were supportive, but didn’t really know how vocal they should be. No one threw us an engagement party, even though they had a MASSIVE e-party for my sister and her husband a couple of years ago.
At first I was really bothered, but then I just decided to let it all go, and trust that my day was going to be beautiful and special. And while it hasn’t happened yet, I truly believe that it will be everything that I have dreamed of.
Just try to focus on the parts of the day that mean something to you. Once the people around you see how comfortable you are, they will become more comfortable.
Post # 5
We didn’t have a lot of friends at our wedding either. Our wedding ended up being only about 30/40 people mostly family. I didn’t have any of the prewedding things either like a shower or bachelorette party. Yes those things got me down a bit but it isn’t the whole point of the wedding and we still had a good time.
Post # 6
I felt your sadness as I read the post and you are completely warranted in your feelings and you are not a brat! You do deserve all of that, without a doubt. You never know, you could be a little surprised at what will happen within the next year. Let me ask you, since you leave in a large metro area, would you ever consider attending a meet-up? They have them in a lot of cities, my friend goes to one here in Chicago. They are fun, you pick what you want to do. She’s made a lot of new friends. You’re far enough out on your date that you can make new friends and include them possibly in the wedding fun. They are great for people that are moving around the US as well which you said you’ve done. You can just go or you can bring your fiancee as well:
They have one for lesbian couples as well, so you and your fiancee can meet some new couples!
Post # 7
I couldn’t read this without telling you that I wish we all lived closer to you and could throw you a shower or rehearsal party. I’m so sorry.
Post # 8
same here, most guests will be family. I have moved a distance from my friends a while ago so who knows whats going to happen. we are having 150 guests technically but Im not sure if we will have enough people who want to make the trip here. Oh well Im still gonna have a good time!
Post # 9
@MapleBecky: It’s so funny you said that, because when I read this post (and other similar one’s) I always want to be like “I’ll throw it!” This one in particular I understand quite well. This stinks.
Post # 10
I just wanted to tell you I read your post and it reminded me a little about how I felt going into my bachelorette party (which I planned by the way — as a girls’ weekend, not really a bachelorette). I was sad that only 3 of my friends were going to be there b/c 2 others who said they were going to come bailed at the last minute. I felt like it was going to be a total let down, but once I was there, I was surrounded by so much love from those few friends, that I could not have asked for a better weekend. I think once you are at your wedding, you will have an amazing time no matter the number of people that are there. And, an added bonus is that with less people you can talk to everyone and you know that everyone there supports you 100%!
Post # 11
I have to say I read your post, and it felt like I wrote it myself. I completely feel similar to you. I am in a heterosexual relationship, but since we are young (20 yrs old), our family has been extremely unsupportive, even though we have been together for almost five years, and living together for over a year.
I don’t have many friends either, mainly because I was in a serious relationship for most of high school and all of college. Most of my buddies wanted to go out and party and meet guys, but I had a more homebody, family oriented, tendency. As a result, I grew apart from my friends, for the most part.
Because the lack of support, I know I won’t be getting any of those parties either. And DON’T THINK YOU’RE A BRAT! You’re not being a brat, or an attention hog, or anything like that. I feel ya. For me, it is because I am so excited, that I want to share my excitement with others and celebrate!
The main thing is that you love your fiancee. Because in the end, your marriage won’t be based on parties and negative people, but you and your partner. It is ALL about you two, and no one else, so don’t let anyone else get you down.
Congrats on your engagement and wedding! Know that everyone here supports you completely. <3