Post # 1
So, I always wanted 3 kids two girls and a boy! However, I never planned on marrying a man with 2 kids that live with us either. Now that I am I am thinking more and more that I don’t want any kids, it’s just too expensive. We plan to move to Cali it’s always been something I wanted to do but we aren’t doing that until exactly 4 years. Because we bought a house so we will be in FL for a while. Either way both locations are crazy expensive to raise a family of 5. I mean we’re both college educated and have great jobs but I just worry that 5 kids is just not affordable with the forever rising inflation and the lifestyle that I’m not willing to give up. Kinda sucks but I think I am definitely going to get on Mirena and block the thought of babies out of my head! I am from a family of 5 kids and we always got what we wanted but it’s definitely not a scenario I wish to recreate. My Fiance gets so mad when I say this, he goes well have 1 kid umm no it’s 3 or nothing! That’s just how I feel is this selfish or am I freaking out for no reason? Does anyone else understand? I just hope I don’t resent him for not having them when I’m 45. LOL
By the way has anyone tried Mirena?
Post # 3
I can relate to some of what you’re saying. We just got married almost 2 months ago, first for both of us. I’m 38 and he’s 43. I teeter on a regular basis with this decision. He can go either way. I do consider the lifestyle change that could occur if we do have a child and the financial burden it will put on us too. I’m not saying that it wouldn’t be worth it but it’s a very difficult thing to think about. I always wonder if I would regret it years later if we didn’t and then I wonder if I would regret it if we did!
We’ll make the decision probably some time next year because once I hit 40, that’s the end of the road for me.
I was going to go on Mirena and I know there are several girls on here who have used it. I didn’t go on because we might have a child but if we don’t I’m definitely going with Mirena. Do a search on weddingbee for mirena and you might see some older posts.
Post # 4
i have a friend on mirena! she loves it.
Kids are expensive but the joy you get from it overpowers the financial woes (i think, i dont have kids yet) only you know what you can financially support.
My parents have 5 kids! i loooove having a (midsized) family! i say midsized because my fiance is one of 13 kids. our parents arent well off or anything but both sides have done a wonderful job supporting their children. i know my parents had some struggles but i know they wouldnt trade it for anything.
Post # 5
I’ve got a different reason for not being sure about wanting kids – I had such bad parents myself I worry it’d be the greatest misdeed to any child to ahve me as a mother – I worry that I’d either be too smothering or too aloof or both – sure to warp some poor child.
Post # 6
we are not going to have children – its never been something either of us wanted
Post # 7
can I ask what might be a personal question and if you don’t want to answer, that’s fine but how did you absolutely know you did not want kids. Did you know before you met your husband? Was this something both of you came to the conclusion to when you met?
Post # 8
@superplannerbee: Do I understand you correctly that you’ll only have children if you can have three?
I have to say that doesn’t make much sense to me. Regardless of what you always envisioned, life happens – You could find out you’re infertile, you could have all boys or all girls, you could have one, or two and not be able to have a third or decide that one or two is quite enough.
I don’t believe you should discount your husband’s feelings or stick to your guns about a certain number because you’ll only accept all or nothing or the vision you had growing up.
Post # 9
@superplannerbee: I have Mirena and it’s awesome. The first few months suck, but after that I have no complaints. Ask your OBGYN about it. Some of them will not give you the Mirena unless you have already had at least one child. It’s easier to insert if your cervix has been opened before. (that’s what my OBGYN said)
I have one child and we plan on two more. I’ve had my fun in my early 20’s and now I’m ready to settle down and watch my children grow up. I’m getting teary thinking about my daughter going to kindergarten next year. 🙁
Post # 10
We’re not really planning on having kids; I know DH would like one, maybe (in the far, far away future) but we really enjoy not being tied down.
Post # 11
Yes, I realize I can’t determine the sex. Infertility is not really a concern of mine though I do realize anything can happen. My point is I don’t want 1 child. I would feel like I am sacrificing my wants by having 1 because he already has 2. At least this way if I have 0 I have no lifestyle change. I feel like if I am going to make the sacrifices for one I might as well have 3 being that’s what I really wanted. Either way I have made up my mind about Mirena that will at least give me 5 years to ponder lol. But I do appreciate the feedback.
Post # 12
eloping and I are in the same boat so I figured I’d answer your question. My fiance and I discussed the fact that neither of us really wanted children before we got engaged. I’ve never wanted children, but going into the conversation I was willing to compromise and maybe have one if he felt very strongly about it. Luckily, he felt the same way. He actually brought it up first, that he’d never felt the need to have children. It was really cute how he brought it up so delicately because we both like kids (have worked in kids programs/love our nieces &nephews), and I think he would have compromised with me as well. It was such a blessing and weight off my mind that we agreed on it. We haven’t 100% ruled it out. I mean I’m still young and I don’t know how I’ll feel 10 years from now, but I’m pretty sure we’ll end up being a couple without kids (and perfectly happy with that :D).
Post # 13
Can I ask another question? At times I”m feeling the mommy pang…nothing crazy, but I do feel it here and there. Do you/have you ever experienced that?
Post # 14
I think you and your fiance should really discuss this before your wedding. Not being on the same page regarding children can turn into a huge issue down the road when youre ready for kids.
Post # 15
True it can be a big issue but when we first began to date he said he didn’t want any and thought he was done. I only think he wants one now because his kids live with us now and everyone knows how that goes.
Post # 16
@stephinPA: I also thought I would answer your questions.
My husband and I both decided that we didn’t want children before we met. My whole life I have never wanted children, and he was the same way. It is great that we found each other, b/c we both feel so strongely about it.
So, what is the reason why? Well, I can’t pin point and neither can he. I had a great childhood and excellent parents. His parents are really weird, but wern’t terrible. So our childhood has nothing to do with it. For some reason, we just don’t have the desire to be parents. I really don’t like being around toddlers (age 2-4) they drive me nutty, but I adore babies, and adore children over the age of 5, same w/ hubs. As bad as this may sound, one of the main reasons is that I don’t want to deal with having my own child. They are always there, they always come first, and the stress! I like my alone time and my alone time with my husband, I love living a free life and only considering my husband when I make decisions vs. having to think about the welfare of my child. And I know if I had a child I would be super involved and stressed about them all the time, thats my personality.
And to answer your second question, nope never get the mommy pang. But, I do want all my friends to have kids though, so I can spoil them and dress them up and enjoy the fun times, and let them have the stressful times, lol 🙂