(Closed) Anyone else cut a parent out their life? πŸ‘Š

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yep. I cut out my dad 15 years ago when I was 15. I loved him dearly as a child but as I grew I realized he was incredibly manipulative and made me have intense feelings of shame and guilt and anxiety I still deal with today. I decided I was just done w his BS and stopped visiting him, refused his calls, ignored his emails– nothing. I literally have not spoken to him since. Every once in a while he’ll try to send me an email but I don’t respond (my sister cut him out too and she has “weakened” and let him back in a few times and its ALWAYS ended horribly). I don’t regret it at all, I felt a huge weight off my shoulders.

Post # 3
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I had to do this with my mother. It was a long built up process. After many years of emotional and verbal abuse I had enough. I decided to call it quits when she started yet another fight with me the week before my first bridal appointment. It has been hard but I think its well worth it for me to have some breathing space and regain my sanity. She was so negative all the time that I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was always so stressed out when I was with her or talking to her.

Basically, I set my boundaries with her one last time, I gave her the opportunity to decide for herself if she wanted to maintain our relationship. I told her that if she was not respectful of said boundaries that I would have no problem cutting her out of my life. She agreed…two weeks later she blew up on me again and I said enough is enough. I hung up on her and we haven’t spoken since.

It certainly isn’t easy and there are times when I miss her (all these Mother’s Day commercials are hard) but it was the best decision for me right now. Good luck Bee. Stay strong!

Post # 5
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

 

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anonynonynony:  

you’re welcome! I do feel sad that I don’t have a dad – I have a great father-in-law though. I did have moments of guilt a bit when I was pregnant with my first child (his first grandchild) but I decided to not contact him (he knows now I’m sure that I have 2 children). Of course finding out he was a sexual predator really had made me thankful for my decision.

Post # 7
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

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anonynonynony:  Yep and it was well worth it. (Mine had many other problems though). I just simply walked away one day and never looked back. I gave no warning and did not even mention my plan because I did not want to be sucked back in. 

Post # 10
Member
9521 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I cut my mother out a decade ago after she kicked me out of her apartment and left all my stuff on the curb, including a laptop and other expensive items. I sent a registered letter explaining how I felt, and that I will speak with her if she can recognize the damage of her actions. I checked to be sure she signed for it so the ball was in her court. I didn’t hear from her for years, until she had cancer and needed someone. I helped her, as I would a stranger and after she was recovering I knew I just had no care left. She doesn’t want to be in my life anymore than I want to be in hers. 

As for my father, our relationship was severly damaged in my early 20’s. We remained polite but distance until my wedding. We had a huge fight and I do not expect a resolution.

It is tough because so many do not understand and can be very judgemental. It hurts, its lonely at times. But you have to do what is healthiest for you. Skip the phone call. Write a letter if you want. Or simply stop engaging

Post # 11
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I don’t speak to my mom. She has a relationship with my son but not me. I was close to her until around the time I turned 20, five years ago. I just woke up and realized that she wasn’t a mom to me my whole life. She was a weak woman that never truly raised any of her children. She bought us alcohol – I drank like an alcoholic when I was 15. She took me off of birth control when she knew I was sexually active. She let me drop out of school. She just didn’t have any responsibility for me and because of it, I just kind of went wild. I got pregnant at 16 and had a little boy when I was 17. She was so happy, it was sick. She always wanted me to have a baby ‘for her’ that it later struck me as basically intentional that I ended up getting pregnant so young. I was just so young and I feel like my mom ruined my life in many ways by not being a mother at all for me or my brothers. They’re depressed and obese. She hasn’t changed.

What really sealed it was a couple of years ago I asked her why she never told me she loves me and she said, “I just can’t.” When I was younger, I use to bother her all of the time telling her I love her, as like a weird game, and she wouldnt respond. As an adult, I realized I never loved her either.

Anyway, it happens. Sometimes the best thing to do is admit that you didn’t *choose* for this person to be your family and in that same regard, neither did they in the end. I wouldn’t write or get in touch in any way personally unless you do need some sort of attention or perspective here. I let it go and just stopped speaking to my mom outside of “hi, bye” small talk if I see her. If your mom doesn’t really try normally to be in touch then it probably won’t be hard to maintain the silence without conflict.

Post # 12
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
anonynonynony:  In a weird way it is comforing to know that other people have gone through this and are doing alright.

and like the PP I also have no regrets….for me I basically put the control in her hands. I laid out my expectations and clearly stated that if she couldn’t meet them then I was out. You have to follow through when you say such things though so be prepared to follow through if you make the threat!

Post # 14
Member
3327 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’d just ghost her. Stop replying to texts/calls/etc.

I guess I sort of have cut my dad out of my life. Though, he wasn’t really there to begin with. I have his new Girlfriend on FB (new as in, like 4 years), but I haven’t seen him for probably 10 years, and haven’t talked much more than that.

It really sounds like it would be better for you mentally to have her out of your life. I’m sorry she is being so terrible to you!

Post # 15
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I cut off my entire extended family, started with just my parents and siblings, and I don’t regret it a bit. I always thought I was overly sensitive, annoying, dramatic, etc. Only because that is what I was told by my parents all my life. They were high all throughout my childhood and physically abusive. It took having my children to realize they’re assholes and I’m a normal, semi well adjusted woman. The cut off lead to therapy and it is SO validating. The last thing you want to regret is keeping negativity in your life as it is too short. I’m sorry you didn’t get the mother you deserve.Β 

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