- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2016
I haven’t completely or “officially” cut my mother out, but I only see her about once a year at family gatherings like Christmas. She tries to call maybe once every couple of months, if that, and I just don’t answer. She doesn’t email or text or anything like that. I haven’t bothered letting her know that I don’t want her in my life anymore because on the rare occasions I see her discussion is limited to small talk, and although it stresses me out I can deal with it.
After years of verbal abuse, our relationship pretty much ended when I was 18 and she told me essentially the same thing OP’s mom did; if my dad didn’t want me she would have aborted me.
I sometimes feel guily about cutting her out and not answering her calls because when I was 10 she was diagnosed with brain cancer, and has never been the same since. When she went through radiation some parts of her brain got fried (like she can’t do simple math anymore and her fine motor skills aren’t so great), so this likely explains some alterations to her personality. However, while she was ill (she’s been in remission for nearly 15 years), I think she discovered that she liked being taken care of, and has continued to totally take advantage of the people around her.
Anyway, this is getting much longer than I intented! When I start feeling guilty I just remind myself that it doesn’t matter how she got to be this way, she’s a nasty and toxic person, and I don’t have to subject myself to that.