Post # 1
So my Fiance and his ex wife had 3 grown children and several grandchildren. One of his daughters lives out of town and came home for a visit a few weeks ago. Since 2 new grandchildren were born over the summer, the kids wanted new family photos taken. Months ahead of time (when the photo issue came up) the ex wife texted him to see if he would be agreeable to a picture with just the two of them and THEIR family?? He told her No, but if she would like a picture with the ENTIRE family (including myself and my daughter) that would be acceptable. I should mention that before he replied to her, he ckecked with all of his children to see if one of them by chance wanted the picture for whatever reason. They basically said they all thought it was absurd!
Fast forward to picture night… pics taken of the entire group… her with all the kids and grandkids….us with all the kids and grandkids, etc etc. After all was done, she asked again “do you think we could get a picture of just OUR family”….UGHHHH…. and again he said “No” plain and simple. She ended up getting mad that she didn’t get what she wanted and left!
I mean, Fiance and I have been together almost 5 years… and they were divorced 8 years before that! How long will it take to sink in before she realizes that he is not part of her family anymore…. there is no OUR family where the two of them are concerned. His family includes the kids… and her family includes the kids, but are we (FI and I… and the adult children) the only ones that thinks her request is just plain weird!
Fiance thinks that she is just plain delusional and in her mind it will be her, him and the kids till the day she dies. Since she is the one who filed for divorce and moved out, I can only imagine that she is the type who doesn’t really want a life with him… she just doesn’t want him moving on either.
Post # 3
This is just from my perspective, as a child of divorced and remarried parents:
I always like having photos of just the people that can never be removed from my life via. divorce. I know it sounds awful but when your parents get divorced once, there’s no naive illusion that it could never happen again. And while I’m totally happy with having pictures taken of everyone, I always want the same photo taken with just the blood relatives. I’m thinking particularly of my wedding photos. Do I want photos of my mom, dad and step-parents? Absolutely. I also want photos of just my sisters and my mom and dad and I. Because, God forbid anything happen, I don’t want to have to not display my family wedding photos because they now have myex-step-parent in them.
Why his ex-wife would want them I don’t know, but I can see a valid reason for his children wanting them. Sorry to disagree with you 🙁
Post # 4
If his children didn’t want them, it’s fine. For me, I got a picture of me, my dad, my mom, and my brother at graduation, his graduation, and my wedding and they’ve been divorced since I was 7 and none of us think it’s weird. I also got pictures of me, my dad, my stepmom, and my husband at my wedding; all of us and my grandma; my mom, my brother, me, and my husband; etc. However, we did not get a picture of me, my husband, and both his parents because there’s a lot more drama there so we did two different photos, one with just his mom and one with his dad and stepmom.
It depends on the family. If the rest of the family isn’t comfortable with it, she should let it go.
Post # 5
Agree with AdriannaJean:
This is “the price you pay” when you marry a Divorced Man with children
His current family may be you and yours… but he will FOREVER be the Father to those children that he had with THEIR MOTHER
He doesn’t have to LOVE her any more…
BUT he can’t just snap his fingers “and make it all go away”
Life doesn’t work like that
— — —
And for the record… I am an Encore Bride / Divorcee about to marry an Encore Groom / Divorced Man
He doesn’t have a lot of interaction with the Mother of his children… but every once in awhile something does come up where it is “all about THEIR family” and not ours (usually something related to the kids… a Wedding like the PP said, or College / Uni Graduation, Illness, Death of a Relative etc)
Honestly there is no reason to be jealous of this other woman… he’s been there done that. And now he’s with you. Being jealous just doesn’t make any sense at all… there will be years and years in front of you… can’t get all wrapped up in this too tightly… as it will cause tensions in YOUR MARRIAGE
Post # 6
It depends how it’s done. If mother and father are on opposite sides of the photo (with children and/or grandchilren in between) so there’s no implication that they are a couple, I think it’s ok. It’s not a photo I’ve ever wanted (with my divorced parents) but I think my sister might have done that at her wedding.
But I agree, if the kids don’t want it, it’s weird for the ex-wife to want it. Anyway, she left, so problem solved 🙂
Post # 7
Oh I’m not jealous of her at all… I get all of what you said. There have been wedding pics and graduation pics, etc of just the family since I came into the picture, and we are totally cool with that. I also have a daughter from a previous marriage, so trust me, this all goes both ways. I really DO understand!
And Fiance an both understood the point if one of the kids wanted the pic for their own reasons.. but they didn’t. And we’re not trying to figure her out by any means (that would require a professional… and probably several years worth of services) it was just a rant more than anything.