(Closed) Anyone Else Dealing With This AWKWARDNESS?!??

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it’s generally an all or nothing with kids at the wedding. You either invite them all or none. People get upset if some kids are invited but theirs aren’t.

I for one, enjoy hiring a babysitter and going to a wedding sans kids. Good excuse for a date night!

Post # 4
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Get a babysitter so they can bring their “darlings” but they can all stay “home” at a hotel with pizza and not at the wedding…

Post # 5
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know that I would word it like that but I would say the sentiment is correct.  Instead of pointing out that you have no bond with their children and that is why they are not wanted at the wedding mayhap you can find a different way to convey that no they cannot come too?

 

I am sure some of these tactful wordsmith bees on here can help you reword it. 

 

ETA: You might want to send them some babysitter service information and suggest it to them but I wouldn’t offer to pay for the babysitter unless you are sponsoring it for all the guests. 

Post # 6
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think it’s fine. I’m probably going to be doing something similar. But all of the kids I’m not inviting are local. (That sounds random.) I’m also not planning an event with the intent that it is kid friendly (although I am inviting kids, and will have food appropriate for them.)

To really answer your question, I think it’s fair to tell people that are trying to add invites that you cannot accomodate their guests, only your own. 🙂 In a nice way.

Post # 7
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’ll be saying something like, “Sadly no, our guest list is set, and we really cannot accomodate your children, we hope you’re able to join us though, we’d love to see you!”

Post # 8
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s fine to tell them they cannot come. But I agree with the PP, I wouldn’t indicate that the reason they can’t come is because they aren’t close to you. I would just include the first part of what you have written.

Post # 9
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Due to space constrictions and and an already-large guest list we unfortuantely had to narrow down the list to only those children whom we share close relationships with.

Sounds fine to me, but your Fiance is the one that should handle this.

Post # 10
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i think part of what you wrote is okay but don’t let them know that they aren’t “close enough” to invite.  that sounds a bit rude.

i would respond by saying, “due to budget and venue limitations we are at our maximum with our current guest list and are unable to include additional guests.  we do look forward to seeing the two of you on our special day.”

Post # 11
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

I agree with pinkshoes! Leave any mentionings about children out and just say you’re at your maximum and you have exactly two seats set aside for them and leave it at that. If you insinuate that they aren’t close enough to you they might get offended.

Post # 12
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree most of it sounds fine except the “only those children whom we share close relationships with”


I would find it rude and not that it would make your wedding day any less great but I probably wouldnt go

Post # 14
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I never really agreed with the all or none thing.  I think you are fine only inviting certain children, but agree you shouldn’t mention that in your response.  Hey at least she asked!  We had several people RSVP for their children who weren’t invited. 

Post # 15
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i have been to numerous family weddings of distant cousins and such and my son was not invited but other children were.  i was not at all offended by this.  it was nice of her to inquire so i would not mention anything about children in your response.

Post # 16
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@abcdefg8989:  Just a thought…if some of the kids talk to each other, how will they feel when they hear Little Johnny was able to go to the wedding but Little Aiden is not?   Their feelings will be hurt and their parents will have to explain why.  I find it a bit distasteful to choose between children.  I feel like that’s the quickest way to start trouble.  There is no polite way to say that children are invited, just not hers.  Parents are extremely defensive about this sort of thing.  If you stick to your guns on this one, don’t be surprised if the parents don’t come and this decision starts a lot of family drama.

By the way, I don’t have kids but I find this extremely offensive.  I made a choice early on to have kids, and that meant all of them. 

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