(Closed) Anyone else disappointed in the proposal/ ring

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 46
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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MariContrary:  +1,000,000!!!!

Post # 47
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

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amandeebee:  I’m sorry you think I was being jerky, but I was being honest. I’m glad you deleted your previous thread on this, because I don’t think you’d want the words you said before existing on the internet next to your actual photo for everyone to see. 

You *need* to move beyond this, or you really aren’t going to mentally be in a place to get married (which it sounds like you’re not exicted about). 

If the proposal is the only thing holding you back, then *you* should propose to your Fiance. It doesn’t matter that your wedding is soon – he asked you to marry him, but did you ask him to marry you? Women don’t need to just be a spectator at their proposals. If you wanted something really specific, make it happen. You want the grand romantic gesture with the perfect details? Then arrange it (but you’re going to have to learn to live with this second ring).

Post # 48
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I think the underlying issue is OP is hesitant to get married. Yes?

Post # 49
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m sorry if the majority of comments are not what you want to hear OP but I think everyone is just trying to be honest with you. 

Your attitude and responses do seem very immature and so ungrateful… are you sure you really want to get married to this man because it doesn’t sound like it! 

I didn’t get much of a proposal….it was more of a conversation in the place we first met and there was no grand gesture or getting down on one knee etc. No ring at the time either… I’m designing it myself and won’t have it for another few weeks!

Does any of this bother me though? No, not one little bit!  Honestly,  I am so happy to be marrying the love of my life I wouldn’t care if there was never a ring and we just went down to the court house tomorrow. 

Your priorities seem WAY off OP and you really don’t sound ready to be making this lifetime commitment. 

Post # 50
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I will throw in my two cents… take it however you want… 

 

If you keep comparing your relationship/proposal/marriage… anything regarding your relationship or even your life.. to other peoples lives and relationships then I can 100% gaurantee your relationship will fail… Everyone is different.. every relationship is different… don’t get so fixed on the little things… we all dream about this big grand romantic gesture… guess what.. that doesnt happen to everyone.. Do you want to get married? If the answer is yes than focus on that fact that you clearly have a guy who loves you and wants to spend the rest of your life with you… would a grand proposal really change the way you see him?? 

Life isnt a TLC show… and if that is what you expect you are in for a world of disappointment… 

My suggestion is to start appreciating what you have with your fiance a little more or you need to decide if marrying him is really what you want… 

Post # 51
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Everyone leave the poor girl alone bc a year from now her next post will say “my husband is leaving me!” don’t feed into her self inflicted DRAMA.

Post # 52
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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amandeebee:  are you sure you should be getting married? I looked at your previous posts, you’re not happy with anything and you’re not even excited about your wedding in 3 weeks? I think you shouldn’t be getting married. 

Post # 53
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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amandeebee:  I’m pregnant and I was sitting an thinking about this two days ago.

 

I equate the proposal to conception. It’s just the start of a lifelong process. The engagement is like pregnancy and the marriage is the actual thing that matters. It will change and grow and it takes two people to cultivate it. The proposal is so small in the grand scheme of things. 

Post # 54
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Good lord.  Life isn’t perfect, OP.  It’s not a Nicholas Sparks book, a Nora Efron movie, or a tv show.  The minute you realize that life can be disappointing and isn’t fair, the sooner you will appreciate what life does give you!

 

Post # 55
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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amandeebee:  Well honey, you’ve got choices here. You can either continue to view life through a vale of tears and disappointment or you could step back and remember that you are engaged and presumably planning to marry a great guy.

Any lack of perceived perfection in the processes that got you to this stage need to be put in the past.  Only if you can’t drum up any positive sentiments then trust me, your wedding (and subsequent married life) is likely to be a crashing disappointment too. 

Never be under the illusion that everyone else lives the perfect life or had the perfect proposal or engagement ring either. Because life just isn’t that perfect! My proposal involved a cup of tea in our garden. Was I disappointed? No. Because I hadn’t created some sort of fantasy Disney Princess view of how these things should go. My wedding was great too. Because it reflected US and who WE are. It was not based around some unrealistic vision of romance gleaned from books, films or TV. 

If you constantly look for what might have been you put yourself in jeopardy of never appreciating what you do have. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by  .
Post # 56
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

How did he propose?  What did the first ring look like?  What does the new ring look like? 

Post # 57
Member
733 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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amandeebee:  

check out the waiting board where there’s a bunch of women crying out for a proposal. The very fact he has chosen you as the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with speaks volumes. Elaborate proposals / rings add nothing more to that, the end result is still the same = marriage.

think about it

Post # 58
Member
30 posts
Newbee

OK, so I was going to stay out of this, but I have some thoughts. Are you sure that you are happy with the man you are going to marry? I did not have an engagement ring, our proposal consisted of many conversations about wanting to spend our lives together, and our wedding was at the courthouse. So, pretty much no fancy trappings. That’s OK, I still get to spend the rest of my life with this great guy who also happens to be my best friend, and that is the important part! REally focus on WHY you are getting married in the first place. Nothing is perfect, although the way we did things was perfect for us. Does this make sense?

Post # 59
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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inukoro1177:  OMG ur post…reference threads…got me ROTF LMBOOOOO! !!! Bee, I want you as my bestee!

Post # 60
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

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amandeebee: Sometimes I read through posts on the Bee and look at other people’s stunning rings, which are sometimes “bigger and more expensive” than mine. I get jealous, in the moment. But then I put things into perspective and remember that my Fiance picked out my ring on his own and it is special. He actually mentioned to me the other day how in 10 years I will probably have another ring, and I got upset inside. I can’t imagine wearing something other than the ring he proposed with!

I completely understand feeling this way, and how seeing things on this site can make it worse. But it’s all about putting into perspective and remembering the connection between you two.

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