(Closed) Anyone else do all the cooking in the relationship?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Who does the cooking in your relationship?

    It's all me and I'm fine with it.

    It's all me and I wish he would offer to cook every once in awhile.

    He's in charge of making dinner, I can't cook for the life of me.

    We like to cook together or take turns in the kitchen.

  • Post # 32
    1197 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    To be honest, our slow cooker does the majority of the cooking!

    Post # 33
    472 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @Jewelieee:  I’m in your fiance’s shoes; I am a mediocre cook and I have zero interest in learning how to do it better (I’m fine at all the basic tasks, but I’m easily distracted and not interested in experimenting with flavors etc), while he’s a fairly particular foodie and an excellent cook. So while he could insist that I cook, and I would agree to because it’s fair, I would be miserable doing it and he would be miserable eating it. I also work longer hours and have a longer commute, so he’d be sitting home hungry most nights if he waited for me to come home and cook.

    Also, left to my own devices (which I was while we were LD for many years), I would eat steamed vegetables, cereal, and takeout. So it’s not like I dumped off a chore on him that I would otherwise do. If he didn’t cook, no cooking would happen. I make sure he knows that if he ever doesn’t feel like cooking, I don’t mind, I can scrounge the way i did before we lived together and won’t mind a bit.

    Cooking at home is a sensible, economic, and nutritious option, but if you have a higher standard of it than your SO, it’s in your best interest to figure out a way to accomodate your own wishes while reducing your resentment- have him do advance prep, or budget for takeout on certain days. Or just accept his blander offerings. You can’t make a passionate home cook out of someone who doesn’t share your tastes and interests in food.

    Alternatively, think about the tasks he does that you don’t enjoy or excel at (there are some of those, right?) and bear those in mind when you’re pissed about making dinner again. And if it doesn’t seem like enough to even out, figure out what it would take for a sense of balance.



    Post # 34
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Cooking and grocery shopping stress FH out & he’s not good at it, so we made an agreement early on that I would handle it all. I also have a shorter commute than him, so it makes sense that I’d get started on dinner when I get home. He handles other things that I hate.

    Post # 35
    1310 posts
    Bumble bee

    I voted for “we cook together” but realistically, I do most of it.  He likes to help, which basically means watching me me handing stuff and asking him to wash/peel/cut it, and he also cuts the raw meats because I don’t like to touch it. 😛  But I basically run the show in that I decide what to make (since he never has input) and how to make it.  He washes the dishes more than I do though, so it’s pretty fair!

    Post # 36
    4170 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

    @Jewelieee:  This is us. I feel resentful sometimes too. Fiance work lots of overtime and of course when I’m home first its a given that I should start dinner. but on days where he’s home for 2 hours before me, he sits around and does his own thing then I get home, workout, then cook dinner while he sits around. If I ask him to start dinner, he will but i have to tell him exactly what to make and how to make it. Then he’ll interrupt my workouts just to ask me how to do a certain thing or something.

    It doesnt help that I’m watching what I’m eating and he has no idea what I can have, plus he’s not a good cook. But neither was I when we met… thats what 5 years worth of daily practice will do! Every time he has to make dinner it’s canned soup or frozen pizza, neither of which I can have right now. 🙁

    Post # 37
    4766 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Jewelieee:  When I was working full time my husband would have to help in the kitchen.  you can tell him what to do.  That’s what we did.

    I don’t have a job right now since we just moved for his, in our situation I’m ok with doing all the cooking.

    Post # 38
    1119 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    DH used to be a great cook! But with me being on my second mat leave, I’ve been home for the past two years and the kitchen has become my territory. I think he forgot how to cook.

    I don’t mind because I love cooking, but I hope that he doesn’t lose the ability to do it because I’d love to know that if I were to go away for a weekend or something, he’d still be able to feed himself properly (not just the frozen leftovers that I always keep for days that I don’t feel like cooking!)

    Post # 40
    1722 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    It’s all me. In the 6 years we’ve been together, I think he made Valentine’s Day dinner once.

    But he knows the rules: if I’m not in the mood to cook, and he doesn’t want to cook, we’re going out for dinner. He’s cool with that arrangement and always has been, even before we married.

    Post # 41
    117 posts
    Blushing bee

    View original reply
    @Jewelieee:  One word for you: GRILL

    I used to do all the cooking, and like you, I’m not a great cook and I don’t really enjoy it. Then I invested in a grill (ok…we live in California so we can grill year round) and haven’t cooked a single meal since. That was about 20 months ago.

    I now am in charge of dishes.

    Post # 42
    889 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    @Jewelieee:  for your poll, I clicked on “we share,” because in the big scheme of things we do. Usually during the week I’ll cook because I’m home earlier than Mr. H, and since I plan the recipes I just make sure not to plan anything I don’t want to make, haha.

    Mr. H makes me breakfast in bed almost every weekend, and he’ll cook when he can tell I’m super tired or sick or something. He’s an excellent cook, it’s just that I normally beat him to it when I get home. I know he wouldn’t mind cooking if I needed or wanted him to.

    Also, since you mentioned you guys get home later in the evening (and I’m guessing you don’t like to eat that late?) invest in and use the shit out of a CrockPot! There are so many creative ideas and they’re all basically dump it in the pot and leave it to cook for you while you’re not home!

    Some other ideas would be to look into a cookbook like Rachael Ray’s 30 minute meals–now, I do think she bullshits sometimes about some recipes. There’s no way she did it in 30 mins. But I think if you picked the right recipes, you could have a quick yummy dinner almost every night, and before 8:00. 

    Make ingredients in advance too, if you can; if you’re making a casserole, fajitas, and soup in a week, for example, cook and chop/shred that chicken/beef/whatever up all at one time, and put it up in portions for each of those recipes.

    We swear by seafood too–it cooks quickly, and honestly it can be a very hands-off dish. Season some fish filets, onions, peppers, potatoes, and broccoli (or whatever veggies float your boat) and wrap them in tin foil packets. Bake it for half an hour at whatever temp is recommended for the type of fish you use. Yes, it takes 30-40 mins to cook, but you just stick it in the oven and chill. Plus with the tin foil, easy clean up.

    Sorry I got longwinded but I hope this helps!

    Post # 43
    2142 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I used to do most of the cooking, then we discovered Fiance is actually a better cook than me, so now he does probably 70% of it, haha

    Post # 44
    1344 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    We don’t eat the same food, so we each make our own food.

    Post # 45
    7603 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Our set up is the opposite of yours because if I made dinner it would be too bland for him. I’m the type of person that will eat just about anything and I don’t mind eating the same thing over and over. I will cook once or twice a week and I’ll help him out by stirring something but he is definitely the lead cook in our house.

    Honestly, if you don’t like the things that he cooks than the arrangement seems fair. My husband would much rather cook than eat what I make. I have tried to make things that he likes but I’m just not good at cooking for some reason.

    Post # 46
    459 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I do all the cooking. All the cleaning. All the laundry. All the things.

    DH wants me to be a stay at home wife/mom, and that was the plan, but since we don’t have kids, and my part time job wasn’t filling enough time, I was bored so I went and got a fulltime job.

    Now I’m in charge of all the “home” duties still, plus my nine hour work days and two hours of commuting a day. DH does work longer hours than me, though, and he is in charge of the finances which is less stress for me!

    Clearly we need to re-distribute some of the work haha, I hadn’t realized how unfair it was! Although, I do love cooking so I don’t mind. It’s just the cleaning the kitchen afterwards that I hate.

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