(Closed) Anyone else doing premarital counseling with a pastor they don’t know?

posted 8 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Well I certainly wouldn’t let your concern override in your thoughts. I would just be straight forward with the Pastor and see his take/stance.

Is it an absolute for ya’ll to be married at the church by that pastor? I’m sure that if he’s just a no go that you and your Fiance can seek other options πŸ˜‰

Post # 4
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I feel for you and I sort of know what you’re going through.  I’m Episcopalian, and our parish priest, who I was very close to, left last year.  We have in interim rector right now.  I’ve gotten to know him, we will be doing our counseling with him, and I think it’s going to be just fine.  Our new permanent rector could be arriving right around the time of our wedding though, so that might throw a wrench into things!

I live with my Fiance, too, and our priest didn’t bat an eye.  Episcopalians tend to be pretty liberal, but if religions started not marrying people who lived together first, there wouldn’t be many weddings!!  You’ll be just fine.  Smile

Post # 5
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

you should be fine – my father is a baptist minister and i have helped him put together many of wedding packets for the couples he councils and basically all the premarital counselling entails is you sitting down with your FH and the minister and going thru the main topics of concern for marriage.

like discussing children, finances, workloads, “intimacy”, etc. things of that nature.

he also helps you with looking for passages for your wedding and making sure that your heart is in the right place going into the marriage.

if there are glaring problems he might point those out and get yall to work thru them, but i have never heard of a baptist minister refusing to marry a couple (as long as it was within the rules of the church).

hey and if push comes to shove, my dad is ordained in VA, so gimme a call if you run into problems! lol i am sure he will marry yall πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

We will prob do pre-marital counseling with our pastor however we also just signed up for  permarital class offered by our county I’m a little nervous about the different opinions and the group setting. But I think pre-marital counseling is a good idea. Hope it goes well!

Post # 7
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

We got married in the same church as my parent’s but like you really didn’t know any of the pasters there.  We had also never met the guy who did our counseling there until we showed up that morning.  It is a very old, conservative Presbyterian church and they didn’t bat an eye at the fact that neither Darling Husband or I attend church services or that we live together.  I wouldn’t worry about it too much – I’m sure you’ll be fine!

Post # 9
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Not to make you more worried, but does the pastor already know that you live together?  My now husband and I ran into this problem with the church my parents go to (and we had started attending).  It’s a very similar denomination and basically the church refused to marry us because we were living together unless we had the ceremony within 3 weeks (and then they were still reluctant).  We said no.  

Post # 11
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I am not southern baptist, but have been in different shoes here. I started premarital counseling with my husbands best friend who was ordained and my ex was super excited about him marrying us. We admitted that we were intimate and the pastor gave us directions to spend the next 3 months 100% apart. It was a disastor! We started lying and stealing moments together, which made being intimate the biggest desire. We ended up getting married by someone else and it was terrible…

My Fiance and I live together now and have started going to my home church. We had saught counseling with the current pastor and got along with him very well. His term ended a month before we got engaged. So we started counseling with a brand new pastor. It has been a good experience thus far. It has given us a relationship with a pastor that we might otherwise have never gotten to know. He encouraged us to follow the word of God, but also understood our situation. He even suggested sleeping in seperate bedrooms. We continued to be honest with him and he has respected our honestly (loving the sinner and not loving the sin). It has really been uplifting and helped my relationship with God much more than the previous situation.

Good luck. I hope that you can be honest without harsh consequences. You are honoring God in making a marriage commitment, even with the “sin” of premarital sex… which I obviously am guilty of myself.

Post # 12
Hostess
16215 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We are in a very similar situation. We are getting married in the church my parents used to attend and that my FI’s family used to attend. His parents were married there. But we’ve only met our officiating pastor once so far.

I think that as long as you genuinely participate in the counseling, everything will be fine. Sure, some denominations can be more strict and critical than others, but the pre-marital counseling is there to help you, not to attack you.

I am not sure what advice to offer aside from approaching the sessions maturely and respectfully and honestly. The pastor will work with you to make your fears go away. πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We’re actually on our 2nd pastor so far, and I didn’t know either of them. The first, however, was a pastor that had been mentoring my fiance for years and the 2 times we met with him I was very uncomfortable. He seemed to be more protective of my fiance and trying to find all my flaws, which brings us (long story short) to the new pastor. Didn’t know him at all either but the first time I we met with him I was completely at ease. I don’t mind spilling things to someone I don’t know at all…it is more who you can click with and be comfortable around. Sounds like you found your fit!

Post # 15
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

We go to our first session with our new pastor next week. My Fiance and I already live together, and we have two little girls, and I also have a son from a previos relationship so I am super nervous! We attened church but not every wednesday and sunday like most of the other members of the church I am just praying that all goes well. We had wanted to have a garden wedding, but my Fiance mom is really religious and made a big stink about it. She thinks that if we dont get married in a church then our marraige”wont count” with God And she really used the term “wont count”! can you believe that

 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

The pastor we are using knows my fiance REALLY well (was his campus minister in college) and doesn’t know me at ALL. I hate new social situations to begin with, so I was SUPER SUPER nervous about starting premarital counseling. We had our first session last night, and I’m still kind of nervous (he’s a very “get down to business” personality), but since he knows my fiance so well I think it’s all going to be ok πŸ™‚

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