(Closed) Anyone else downsize their ring or turn down a family heirloom.

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
3286 posts
Sugar bee

Can you keep it and wear it on special occasions? You can get the best of both worlds. I know that is not really what you are asking but it seems like an option. 

Post # 3
Member
1644 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I dont think its selfish at all to not want to wear an heirloom 24/7 thats not your style. However, I kind of agree with Ukulele. I have lots of jewellery from grandma that isn’t my style at all but I kept it because she did work hard to give it to me and just made sure to wear it around her.

I don’t know if you guys want kids but if you do it would be great to have stuff to pass down to them. Like that ring. And if you don’t want kids, give it to a niece later on who will appreciate it.

And this way you still get to wear a ring you love too (new engagement ring) ๐Ÿ™‚ best of both worlds like she said ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
508 posts
Busy bee

Not really an answer to your question either, as I didn’t turn down an heirloom myself. BUT … would it be possible (without offending the family) to use the diamonds from the heirloom cluster ring to make a simple diamond band for your wedding band? Perhaps you can have the jeweler replace the diamonds with other stones (e.g., maybe birthstones for the family members) and gift that ‘renewed’ piece back to Grandma so it’s sentimental to her and connects you both? Just a suggestion. 

PS – Congrats on your engagement! ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 5
Member
1797 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

So you have a picture of the heirloom ring? I ask because I agree with everyone above perhaps it can be a piece you wear occasionally OR what my initial thought was exactly what TheMotherThing said, perhaps you can alter it into a daily wear? MANY bees on here who are gifted diamonds reset them and have much success from that. That way you don’t have the feeling of turning it down, but at the same time create something more to your liking and still have a piece of history that you can pass down? Either way we would love to see both. But especially your new ring when you get it, it sounds gorgeous. Congrats. But at the end of the day do not have guilt. what would be wrong would be if you took the ring and wore it and hated it and it caused resentment. Or if your were bullied into wearing it or you took it and sold it or something to that effect. I truly think you are doing everything right. 

 

Post # 6
Member
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

They wouldn’t allow you to reset the stones into a wedding band or something, would they? I had a very large aquamarine from my grandmother sitting in my jewelery box and just sent It to Florida to be recut and reset into something I’ll be happy to wear daily. With the permission of my mother, of course. She actually ended up loving the idea, because it’s the stone that is sentimental. 

Post # 7
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your own ring. A lot of responsibility comes with family heirlooms, even in the best of circumstances. My mom’s engagement ring is an heirloom and I’ve never seen her wear it.  Not once. It’s a beautiful ring that sits in a box for fear it will get damaged. Obviously, I don’t know the climate of his family, but sometimes people attach strong feelings to heirlooms and the recipient ends up in a no win situation.  The ring might be better off with grandma for now.  Enjoy the ring that you design!

Post # 9
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee

FWIW, I don’t think that asking for a smaller/simpler/less ornate ring is even remotely high maintenance.

Post # 10
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

I think you are doing the right thing. You need it to mean something to you. Whilst I haven’t been passed an heirloom down to me I understand that they aren’t always everybody’s taste, it’s a wonderful gesture from them and they seem very understanding that you need something for you…you aren’t being selfish don’t worry about that!!

sounds like you are going into a wonderful family ๐Ÿ˜ please update us on your ring choice and congratulations!!

Post # 11
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

You are being so nice and understanding about the situation and so is his family… you are lucky, girl! Don’t spend another second worrying about it.

Just be sure to thank his grandmother for offering the heirloom and enabling you to get your dream ring. She’ll be happy to feel involved.

Post # 12
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
jezamor :  I did, but it was from my side of the family so a bit different from your situation. I turned down a 2 carat family diamond because 1) the size wasn’t my taste or practical for my career 2) my now husband had always pictured picking out a ring and purchasing it himself 3) I didn’t have a relationship with the former owner so it wasn’t particularly sentimental to me and 4) I knew another relative really really loved it and I didn’t mind them getting it instead of me.

Glad your situation seems to have resolved with everyone happy!

Post # 14
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

I turned down an heirloom ring.  My husband’s great aunt, who had no children of her own, gifted him a 2 carat marquise ring.  He offered it to me and I thought it was too big for my every day taste.  I also didn’t like the pointy ends.  I got more crap from people outside his family, like friends, than his family.  My SIL (husband’s sister) was gifted a diamond band and I knew she loved the marquise solitaire, so with my husband’s blessing, I offered to swap with her.  I have a beautiful diamond band RHR and she reset the marquise and wears it as her engagement ring now.  It was a win-win for us.

Post # 15
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

I am not yet engaged but my boyfriend and father really wanted to give me a ring that belonged to my grandmother. I was originally excited to redesign it, however, I could not get over the fact that it was a round diamond. I really want a radiant! Finally, I spoke up and I think I initially hurt my father’s feelings but now he understands that it just wasn’t my dream. I will one day inherit it (again) and use it for a RHR. It just was not the right fit for me. Now the radiant size will be an upgrade not a downgrade but I would do whatever works for you. Family/inlaws will understand!

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