(Closed) Anyone else dread hanging out with friends?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

It just sounds like you need friends that are in the same place as you. My SO and I are having this issue. Most of the time, we would rather just go home and hang out with each other. But that’s where we are in our lives. 

Post # 17
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sounds like you’re just not interested in having friends. I’m not one to judge but I agree with 

tessadub:  that you should just be honest with them about it. That way you don’t have to dread seeing them anymore.

Post # 19
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

me and my SO are both this way. We usually just want to do something together or on our own. It’s not that we don’t like our friends. We are just more introverted and get a bit of social anxiety. 

Post # 20
Member
4082 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I was with you until you started talking about how you don’t listen to your friends at all when they talk to you about their lives and you don’t care about your friend’s new job or your other friend’s due date…that sounds ridiculously selfish…Sorry. I might not wanna hang with people a lot and I might be a bit of a flake but I definitely genuinely CARE about my friends and their lives… What’s the point of even talking to other people if you can’t stand them or don’t care about them?

Post # 21
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee

The older I get the less I like to do nights out. Hanging out with certain friends can seem like a chore at times, while haning out with other friends it is amaizing.

Sometimes if I’m dreading doing something (or hanging out), once I’m there I end up having a great time. As OP said, if you continue on this path you are going to push all your friends away. Friendship is a two way street. Hope you figure it out.

Post # 22
Member
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am very introverted, and sometimes it can be hard to get myself out of the house to hang out with friends unless we have planned it out. I do prefer to spend time with my close friends one-on-one or in small groups rather than large gatherings. I find it awkward if I can’t/don’t spend much time with someone in the group. Maybe you’re just super particular about who you spend time with. I can’t really relate, but hey, different strokes for different folks. 

Post # 24
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I definitely feel this way SOMETIMES and in regards to SOME groups of people.  Professional obligation type things, or Meetup groups (which I’ve stopped going to because they never got less awkward).  However, with my actual friends, I love spending time with them and can talk for hours.  Although sometimes I’m like “ugh, I’m tired” when I actually see them I get energized.  That’s definitely not the case for those other social obligations, but I still force myself to go.

I do think there’s value in being social (actually, it’s proven that close social relationships improve the quality of your life).  So, I’d maybe try meeting new people or spending one-on-one casual time with those who you really connect with.  I have a hard time with the forced, formal, polite conversations, but come over to my house and just chill and drink some wine?  That’s a different story.  I just can’t be like that with some people though.  

I moved to a new city almost 3 years ago and I still haven’t found those “talk for hours” type of friends, and it really saddens me.  All my friends like that are back home and I really miss social time where I can actually be myself!

Post # 25
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I would talk about cat poop if my friend was truly that interested. I love her therefore I care and will sit through anything. I’ve been dumped by friends who were “at a different stage in their life” and you know what? Good riddance! True friends will last through anything. 

 

Post # 26
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

We have limited hours in our lives, don’t spend it with people you do not care for.  Likewise, don’t waste their time sharing their personal life with someone who doesn’t care.  It’s a win-win for both parties. 

Post # 27
Member
4082 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

anonymousbee12321:  idk I think sometimes part of friendship is genuine interest and love and respect for that other person & what they have going on in their lives. I might not be interested in babies or care for them so much but I try to visit my friends’ babies/children as frequently as I can, bring them a small gift and spend time with them, it’s definitely not my favorite thing to do or even talk about but it’s part of my friends’ lives right now and that is what makes me interested. Also because the interest is reciprocated. My friends might not want to talk about my wedding or aren’t really interested in planning but since it’s part of my life right now they ask me about it and seem happy to hear about it… Maybe we’re all “faking it” idk but your op just came off as kind of callous Even though maybe you’re not meaning to be…

Post # 28
Member
4082 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

tessadub:  I think this is what I was trying to say. Good point, that’s exactly how I feel Too.

Post # 30
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I work with the public. By the end of the day or week, I really don’t want to talk to anybody at all. I’ve used up all my “people juice”. It’s made it hard for me to keep up with people that I don’t work with because all my “juice is gone” 

I’m also an introvert so I find talking to people to be exhausting, even people I love(outside of my husband or family). I’ve always wished I was a social butterfly. 

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