Post # 31
Cheekie0077: THIS. +1
I was going to ask if you could just be tired (I make optimistic plans when my energy level is high, then after a particularly long day @ work I just want a hot bath & my pjs) or maybe just value your alone time, but when you got to the part about tuning out your friends and not really caring what’s going on in their lives….I don’t get that. If you weren’t talking about going to spa days etc on your own I’d worry you were depressed, but you seem to have avid interests in other things, just not your friends, so frankly I’m at a loss??? You don’t seem to care about them, so why continue to make plans and then feel like they’re at an obligation? Take a step back and give yourself time to evaluate the situation as well as see if this ‘break’ makes you miss them. It may be nothing more than outgrowing certain friends or activities, but if you find this indifference continuing and/ or permeating other areas of your life, you may want to seek out the advice of a therapist.
Post # 32
I have certain friends who are so close that when I tell them “there is no way I can come out to meet you, come here instead…yoga pants required!” they TOTALLY get it. We have movie nights and crochet/knit together and we just talk about whatever comes to mind. It’s fabulous. There are many times when we call each other and say “hey, you’re not going to get me out of my house, but can you come here?” and it works out. To be honest I would much prefer hanging out at my house with friends or a friend’s house instead of a restaurant or a bar or whatever.
I also am one who feels gleeful sometimes when plans fall through. Like if I don’t have to get my butt up off the couch and put on a bra, I call it a win! Haha.
Post # 33
I am the same way….I am an introvert through and through and I’d I talk to my friends once every couple.of months or so, I am good.I tend to go MIA a lot, sometimes weeks at a time.People leave me exhausted.I do everything by myself.The only people I don’t get tired of are my kids and my sister.
Post # 34
julies1949: VintageGirl1020: I was like maaan this thread is about to get very interesting LOL😂
anonymousbee12321: Im pretty intraverted so I really dont like spending that much time with people ever. 75% of my time outside of work is spent with my Fiance and family and pets. The other 25% includes Yoga and errands and like 5% or less is spending time with people outside of all that. So like almost never ever. I have the hardest time picking BMs (MOH = little sister 22y.o. and 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man is my Future Sister-In-Law 31 y.o) and I have like 3 other closeish friends but i dont think close enough to make BMs. The rest of people I occasionally interact with are FIs friends and that is like 2-3 times a year! Lol oh and the random dog owners that my dog is friends with, when I see them in the park.
Post # 35
anonymousbee12321: Um this is 100% me. I will say I spend A LOT of time with family though so I’m not just sitting around alone at home.
Post # 36
Why do your friends outside of work talk about work all the time? And is career a sensitive/bad topic for you? You know you CAN change the topic when you’re one on one with a friend so you don’t just talk about one thing all night (if your friends only talk about one thing, they have poor social skills. Are they interested in YOU? If not I would feel drained out and meh too).
Post # 37
RobbieAndJuliahaha: I think a big part of it might be tiredness. I don’t have a very high energy job, I basically stare at computers all day. It’s not physically exhausting, but very mentally exhausting. Usually when one of my closest friends texts me for plans, it’s either in the morning or afternoon when I’m still energized, which is why I usually say yes. I find that it’s the times I’m tired/low energy is when I don’t want to make these plans. Then the day comes, I get through the work day, and then think “Ughhh time to go meet so and so for dinner/drinks/whatever”. I think one of the reasons I prefer a group setting is because the larger group of people helps me feel energized? Like theres so much going on it’s not just a back and forth between me and one person. It’s easier to tune out one person (and I swear I don’t do it on purpose, it just happens), than a whole group. I also used to work with the public, and I think that’s where it all began. Talking to people non stop for 8 or more hours a day made me not want to talk to anyone when I got home. I think that was the start of me enjoying alone time more often.
ljm308: it would probably be a good idea if I started saying something along these lines. Like “hey I still want to hang out, but I’m so exhausted, would you just want to come here for food/wine/whatever”. Maybe being at my own place or even if they say they prefer their house, I’d feel more comfortable than having to fix myself up , drive to the place, and then drive back home where it’ll most likely be late and time to get ready for bed.
Butterfly6: ana2017: JLFinch: I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way! lol
Post # 38
littlechickie: I think anymore it’s just one of the only things we have in common. That we have a job lol. It’s not a sensitive topic for me, it’s just annoying to be at my job all day and then talk about it. I’m out to have fun, I don’t want to think about work. Usually, we start by asking each other what’s new and my friends will talk about their jobs, then ask me about mine. I tell them, and then I try to change the subject, but it always somehow comes back to their hottest office gossip. I don’t even work there, I have no idea who these people are, and I couldn’t care less! I guess I should have clarified that it’s not like they’re talking about their job duties or aspirations, but “omg he said this” and “she hooked up with him” and im just like “yeah we have drama too but I try to stay out of it”. Then they ask me what kind of drama!! That’s when I try to change the subject. But then they’re like “oh I forgot! My boss is off tomorrow so we’re all having a casual day and were not going to follow this rule…” It’s very aggravating lol
Post # 39
anonymousbee12321: I don’t think there is anything wrong with you or how you feel. As another PP said, maybe you’re an extreme introvert? I am an extreme introvert. If I could never leave my property I would actually be ecstatic. I work in a job that I love but drains me because I have to talk to people all day long. In the evenings and on weekends, I want my time to myselF. Calling or seeing friends feels like more work Because I have used all of my energy at my actual work. Fiance has learned that I need my down time even from him.
Post # 40
Yes, to an extent. I am relatively introverted and work in a VERY extroverted field. At the end of my work day, I rarely have enough energy for sustained conversations with my SO until I unwind for a little. A lot of the time, making plans with friends seems so effortful because I am exhausted from my work week and I have a bit of social anxiety. However, I always make as much of an effort as possible to only make plans I will follow through with. I care about my friends and don’t want them to see me as a flake.
Post # 41
Im like other PP’s in that I also cherish my alone time/time with Darling Husband. He’s the only person on the planet I can spend all my time with and not get bored or tired of. I have spent up to a month alone and still dread a night out, but i make the effort and always end up having a great time. So that dread makes no sense to me.
However i’ve also made the effort to whittle my friends down to around 10 extremely close people who share my outlook and values somewhat so that there’s always discussion and laughter and no awkward grating of personalities
Post # 42
I had to laugh after reading the 1st paragraph bc you described me to a T! I think that my issues come down to a lack of energy. I have lived in chronic pain for 10 years & have insufficient adrenal function…both of those things cause you to be exhausted! So I get excited about doing something with a friend, bc I spend a lot of time by myself & laying in bed, but when it comes to the moment, I’m just too tired. It’s been this way for many years.
Post # 43
Peanut-Sue: after reading yours and a lot of other comments, I do think the whole lack of energy thing probably plays a bigger part than I thought. I have a minor heart condition. Nothing life-threatening, but after speaking with multiple doctors, they all told me that the main symptom is fatigue. So when I factor in the heart condition, plus work… it makes for a tiring day if I also have plans. At least on the weekends it’s not as bad since I can sleep in a little and relax more, but my friends are usually busy on the weekends so unfortunately, they try to meet up during the week. Maybe my zoning out has more to do with me being tired instead of being bored by my friends. If that’s the case, I feel like a much better friend instead of being someone who seemingly just doesn’t care lol
Post # 44
anonymousbee12321: awwww lol. Fatigue on top of work & life is very debilitating. So how can you care about what’s going on with everyone else when you’re too tired to care? We only have a certain amount of ourselves/energy to give to each day…and sometimes we just don’t have anything left to give. I’m sure you’re a good friend 🙂 you just have less energy than everyone else.
Post # 45
I can definitely relate! Although for me, the word “dread” is too strong of a word. I do enjoy hanging out with people but I loooooove doing nothing at home haha! That’s my favorite thing to do! Whenever I am asked to do something, I do always go and am social, but there’s alllllways that voice in my head right before I’m supposed to go, that says “ugh I wish I was doing nothing tonight.” On some occasions, that voice wins and Ive pretended to be sick. I try so hard not to let that voice win. I thought it was only me that has that voice!!! I also want to say that when I do go do something with my friends/family, I always have fun and usually say to myself, I had a great time! And I don’t tune them out or anything. But there’s nothing better in the world when it’s a Friday night and I have zero plans for the weekend.
Quick example of how my brain works: friend wanted to hang out last month – chat for a bit at her house and I hadn’t seen her in a while. she said the time that she was available in the morning and in the afternoon bc she had something to do mid-day. I purposely chose the morning to see her because we had a time limit. My brain already starts thinking ok if I go over in the afternoon, what time will I stay until? Do I have dinner there? I don’t want to make them feel as if they have to feed me. are they going to want me to call my husband and have him come for dinner? This is so far for him, he won’t want to drive there. I had a wonderful time seeing her but when it was time for me to go home, I also looked forward to getting home and putting on my pj’s! Maybe I’m just someone that likes small doses of people? I also dont have a lot of energy after working all week.