(Closed) Anyone else dread hanging out with friends?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
5816 posts
Bee Keeper

Cheekie0077:  THIS. +1

I was going to ask if you could just be tired (I make optimistic plans when my energy level is high, then after a particularly long day @ work I just want a hot bath & my pjs) or maybe just value your alone time, but when you got to the part about tuning out your friends and not really caring what’s going on in their lives….I don’t get that. If you weren’t talking about going to spa days etc on your own I’d worry you were depressed, but you seem to have avid interests in other things, just not your friends, so frankly I’m at a loss??? You don’t seem to care about them, so why continue to make plans and then feel like they’re at an obligation? Take a step back and give yourself time to evaluate the situation as well as see if this ‘break’ makes you miss them. It may be nothing more than outgrowing certain friends or activities, but if you find this indifference continuing and/ or permeating other areas of your life, you may want to seek out the advice of a therapist. 

Post # 32
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I have certain friends who are so close that when I tell them “there is no way I can come out to meet you, come here instead…yoga pants required!” they TOTALLY get it.  We have movie nights and crochet/knit together and we just talk about whatever comes to mind.  It’s fabulous.  There are many times when we call each other and say “hey, you’re not going to get me out of my house, but can you come here?” and it works out.  To be honest I would much prefer hanging out at my house with friends or a friend’s house instead of a restaurant or a bar or whatever.

I also am one who feels gleeful sometimes when plans fall through.  Like if I don’t have to get my butt up off the couch and put on a bra, I call it a win!  Haha.

Post # 33
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee

I am the same way….I am an introvert through and through and I’d I talk to my friends once every couple.of months or so, I am good.I tend to go MIA a lot, sometimes weeks at a time.People leave me exhausted.I do everything by myself.The only people I don’t get tired of are my kids and my sister.

Post # 34
Member
3902 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

julies1949:  VintageGirl1020:  I was like maaan this thread is about to get very interesting LOL😂

anonymousbee12321:  Im pretty intraverted so I really dont like spending that much time with people ever. 75% of my time outside of work is spent with my Fiance and family and pets. The other 25% includes Yoga and errands and like 5% or less is spending time with people outside of all that. So like almost never ever. I have the hardest time picking BMs (MOH = little sister 22y.o. and 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man is my Future Sister-In-Law 31 y.o) and I have like 3 other closeish friends but i dont think close enough to make BMs. The rest of people I occasionally interact with are FIs friends and that is like 2-3 times a year! Lol oh and the random dog owners that my dog is friends with, when I see them in the park. 

Post # 35
Member
1727 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

anonymousbee12321:  Um this is 100% me. I will say I spend A LOT of time with family though so I’m not just sitting around alone at home. 

Post # 36
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Why do your friends outside of work talk about work all the time? And is career a sensitive/bad topic for you? You know you CAN change the topic when you’re one on one with a friend so you don’t just talk about one thing all night (if your friends only talk about one thing, they have poor social skills. Are they interested in YOU? If not I would feel drained out and meh too).

 

Post # 39
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

anonymousbee12321:  I don’t think there is anything wrong with you or how you feel. As another PP said, maybe you’re an extreme introvert?  I am an extreme introvert. If I could never leave my property I would actually be ecstatic. I work in a job that I love but drains me because I have to talk to people all day long. In the evenings and on weekends, I want my time to myselF.  Calling or seeing friends feels like more work Because I have used all of my energy at my actual work. Fiance has learned that I need my down time even from him. 

Post # 40
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

Yes, to an extent. I am relatively introverted and work in a VERY extroverted field. At the end of my work day, I rarely have enough energy for sustained conversations with my SO until I unwind for a little. A lot of the time, making plans with friends seems so effortful because I am exhausted from my work week and I have a bit of social anxiety. However, I always make as much of an effort as possible to only make plans I will follow through with. I care about my friends and don’t want them to see me as a flake. 

Post # 41
Member
554 posts
Busy bee

Im like other PP’s in that I also cherish my alone time/time with Darling Husband. He’s the only person on the planet I can spend all my time with and not get bored or tired of. I have spent up to a month alone and still dread a night out, but i make the effort and always end up having a great time. So that dread makes no sense to me. 

However i’ve also made the effort to whittle my friends down to around 10 extremely close people who share my outlook and values somewhat so that there’s always discussion and laughter and no awkward grating of personalities

Post # 42
Member
2784 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I had to laugh after reading the 1st paragraph bc you described me to a T! I think that my issues come down to a lack of energy. I have lived in chronic pain for 10 years & have insufficient adrenal function…both of those things cause you to be exhausted! So I get excited about doing something with a friend, bc I spend a lot of time by myself & laying in bed, but when it comes to the moment, I’m just too tired. It’s been this way for many years. 

Post # 44
Member
2784 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

anonymousbee12321:  awwww lol. Fatigue on top of work & life is very debilitating. So how can you care about what’s going on with everyone else when you’re too tired to care? We only have a certain amount of ourselves/energy to give to each day…and sometimes we just don’t have anything left to give. I’m sure you’re a good friend 🙂 you just have less energy than everyone else.

Post # 45
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I can definitely relate! Although for me, the word “dread” is too strong of a word. I do enjoy hanging out with people but I loooooove doing nothing at home haha! That’s my favorite thing to do! Whenever I am asked to do something, I do always go and am social, but there’s alllllways that voice in my head right before I’m supposed to go, that says “ugh I wish I was doing nothing tonight.” On some occasions, that voice wins and Ive pretended to be sick. I try so hard not to let that voice win. I thought it was only me that has that voice!!! I also want to say that when I do go do something with my friends/family, I always have fun and usually say to myself, I had a great time! And I don’t tune them out or anything.  But there’s nothing better in the world when it’s a Friday night and I have zero plans for the weekend. 

 

Quick example of how my brain works: friend wanted to hang out last month – chat for a bit at her house and I hadn’t seen her in a while. she said the time that she was available in the morning and in the afternoon bc she had something to do mid-day. I purposely chose the morning to see her because we had a time limit. My brain already starts thinking ok if I go over in the afternoon, what time will I stay until? Do I have dinner there? I don’t want to make them feel as if they have to feed me. are they going to want me to call my husband and have him come for dinner? This is so far for him, he won’t want to drive there. I had a wonderful time seeing her but when it was time for me to go home, I also looked forward to getting home and putting on my pj’s! Maybe I’m just someone that likes small doses of people? I also dont have a lot of energy after working all week. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  ohplease. Reason: Added stuff

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