Anyone else dreading Christmas?

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

elisa24 :  Honestly, it was a great decision. We’d actually discussed timeline before and I was 2 months early πŸ˜‰ He later told me, he’d been wracking his brain for proposal ideas and looking at rings etc but nothing seemed right. 

He also got me a ring later on that we picked out together.

Post # 17
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2020

elisa24 :  So true! I didn’t get to see my family over this last week, so I am sure that is part of why I was feeling down as well. Just cant wait to celebrate!

Post # 18
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

elisa24 :  Girl, it’s like reaing my own story… together 3.5 years…own a cat, just came back from 2 trips (one of them was Bahamas which is perfect for proposals) If you want to talk privately pm me πŸ™‚

Post # 20
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

elisa24 :  yesss..it feels like someone stabbing me in the heart…Everyone around me is asking if I know when it happens and why he didn’t propose on the Bahamas trip… He likes talking about marriage and this guy is not a talker, he is very serious and rational. I know he wants to get married and he even talked about honeymoons and stuff but I don’t think he is planning anything….This is probably the first year that I am not looking forward to the chrismtas celebration and gift exchange…even his aunt said to him recently – she only wants one gift from you (super awkward) …no matter what he buys for me, I will be crushed…Chrismtas family dinner has become embarassing… πŸ™

Post # 22
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

elisa24 :  I just want to scream THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME OF YEAR!!! So many ideal, super romantic, special opportunities!

IDK, that kind of expectation feels kind of lose-lose to me, to be honest. In general, not just yours. Because how often have we seen on this board people going “Ugh, he BETTER not do anything cliche like Christmas or Valentine’s Day! We are way more unique/special than that!” Maybe your SO is worried about that?

Post # 23
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

elisa24 :  omg you are SO RIGHT about the movies. MY SO and I love having a Christmas movie marathon but since recently I feel awkward watching all these movies with him. He loves it though and likes commenting on other couples’ weddings and proposals. He definitely not one of those guys who hates wedding talk.

 

Post # 26
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

elisa24 :  Bahamas was the worst (in that sense. in every other sense it’s a paradise…The ocean front is full of jewelry stores, and everyone was trying to give him a flyer. There was a huge banner at every street corner downtown – Show her you love her and a giant e-ring…Damn…that could have been funny years ago but now it feels off…there were several brochures on honeymoon and wedding on our hotel room as well which he was reading with a smile on his face…I didn’t comment on it…should have…I promised to myself – I will take it easy till Janyary 1 at least…

Post # 27
Member
3515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

DoubleD :   phillygirl93 :  You guys are really generalising here..men aren’t of a hive mind… they’re individuals with different values and priorities. For some couples, moving in is a natural step towards marriage, for others it’s not. What matters is that both partners are on the same page about these things. 

I have to admit, I get really tired of all the bees here who talk down about moving in before marriage as if those of us who do it are naive little idiots who don[‘t know how to catch a man. Newsflash: you shouldn’t have to trick a man into marrying you. You shouldn’t have to hold out on other progressions in your relationship in order to convince him to marry you. If you do, your issue isn’t that you “gave him the milk for free”, it’s that you settled on a man who only makes decisions based on what benefits HIM.

elisa24 :  I do agree though that you need to have a discussion with your boyfriend about this. Have you discussed timelines with him and been clear about your intention to get married? Have you asked him when he envisions you getting married? You can’t just sit around and hope he proposes – this is a mutual decision and a two-way commitment so you need to be part of that discussion. 

Post # 28
Hostess
3953 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

sboom :  I think PP just meant that you shouldn’t move in with an SO and assume that means you’re headed for engagement, not that moving in is a terrible idea on it’s own.  FWIW, I moved in with my now husband before we were engaged, so I’m not anti-living together before marriage.  The key point is having a mutually agreed-upon timeline, which it is unclear the OP has.  

Post # 29
Member
3515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

missinthecity :  That is fair. However, I would add that I wouldn’t expect a commitment timeline when you’re only 6 months in and have been long distance that whole time. It’s fine to move for a potential relationship, especially if you have a good feeling about it, but if OP does she should do so fully understanding that she is taking a risk and it may not work out. At this point in the relationship, a timeline talk doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense as so much can and likely will change once they are in a more involved relationship. 

Post # 30
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

sboom :  First, nobody said moving in before marriage was an issue. My husband and lived together before marriage, not by our choice, but did. That was never an issue related to my post so you can calm down with “I get so tired of the bees blah blah.” Second, moving in is just that, moving in. Nothing is a “a natural progression” in life unless you communicate that. Things change, situations change, finances change, and etc. My man didn’t have to be tricked into anything because guess what, we COMMUNICATED what the expectations were and what we wanted the next step to be. Prior to marriage we discussed we would never join finances, hypothetically have kids, or buy a house unless we were married. We both wanted those things and both wanted marriage so he proposed when the time was right. We both also went into marriage not wanting any kids but after we were married and had our home my mind started changing I changed my mind and asked him if he would consider it now that we’re in a much different situation. Imagine communicating with your spouse! I mean it helps both people see where they’re at in the relationship it’s crazy.  Now we have our TL of trying to conceive after we both said we never wanted kids. This isn’t about men being a certain way because they’re not. This isn’t about moving before marriage. This is about anything but people not knowing how to be direct adults and speak up for themselves and be active participants in what they want in life and their relationships. atDone. 🀷🏽‍♀️

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