(Closed) Anyone else dreading the holidays with FILs?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Laura,

Oh my goodness! What a bunch of DRAMA! I’m sorry that you have to deal with the problems that your Future Mother-In-Law obviously has with her own insecurities over “losing” her son to the dark side (his aunt). I also have been dealing with ridiculous drama from my FI’s family and picking sides. My family is a very cohesive unit, and his is not, and they often have huge blowouts for stupid reasons. I cant deal with that. All I have to say is that you are very lucky that your Fiance seems to “know” that his mother is in the wrong, and in turn he has YOUR back. I feel like that is the most important piece to this crazy puzzle. He supports you. Even though his support is coming off as ‘you are poisoning him against his mother’ as she thinks, it isn’t. You are right in not taking sides (which takes a lot of restraint in this case if you ask me). Also, the fact that you are willing (even though it is very reluctantly) to go spend Thanksgiving with his mother shows how much you love and support him. It seems like you have a strong foundation in your relationship. That is great.  My only advice for dealing with it at Thanksgiving is to talk with your Fiance and make sure he is aware in in-tune with whatever antics his mother might pull. Tell him that if SHE makes any snarky comments or does anything intentionally to ruin the holiday because of her insecuritites and immaturity, that HE needs to stand up for you (again) and show her that she CANNOT get away with treating you this way and that HE won’t stand for it. Again, she might contribute his behavior to the fact that “you” are pulling him away from her, but you know what: SO WHAT?! You know that you are not doing that, and that you are/have been doing more than what SHOULD be expected of you to coexist with this family. You can’t change her, so you’re going to have to try and be the bigger person, and just be above the drama. I think if you approach this (and probably many more) situations with this attitude, it will help you. Hope this helps? and Good luck!!! Happy Thanksgiving!

Post # 5
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Laura,

So how did Thanksgiving go? Did Future Mother-In-Law behave herself? I hope it was enjoyable!

I actually just saw my Future Mother-In-Law tonight after a month of not seeing her because I had a falling out with her and my two FSIL’s because they reamed me out for having such a high guest list for my bridal shower. I have 10 bridesmaids and my grandmother and mother contriubuting towards it. Money wasn’t an issue, but they just wanted to freak out at me about it. Worst thing was that I wasn’t even supposed to know about it. My mother and Maid/Matron of Honor contacted them about starting the planning for the shower that was going to be a surprise. When they found out the guest list, they freaked and called my Fiance and ME and screamed at us and said they didn’t want any part of the planning (nice, huh) and then they all deleted my mother, best friend (moh) and my sisters from fb. I was a MESS. I still don’t feel right about it. I saw them tonigh though, and they were nice as pie to me, never brought it up…it’s like it never happened. I’m still soo bitter about it though. Not to mention the rest of my family and bridal party are pissed off at the way they were treated and they way my future in laws treated ME. UGh, DRAMA I tell you!

Post # 6
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For me, my next holiday is x-mas (i’m in Canada). But yes. Dreading it.

Last time we went to J’s family’s x-mas, his psycho nieces and nephew spilled hot coffee all over me, and J ended up getting a horrible flu (he NEVER gets sick).

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