@amyj1276: Very interesting. However, I still think that the church’s pre-wedding course is a great thing. We aren’t terribly big on counselling in the UK, and Fiance and I would never have gone if it had not been a requirement. It was really good, actually. We also don’t really discuss money in the UK… we tend to think it’s vulgar. But we were forced to discuss this due to the course, which I think was great.
I still think you don’t need a prenup to be open and honest about money! But an honest conversation and full disclosure are fab.
Like I said before, the reason I’m not a fan of prenups is because they seem to try to predict the future and I can’t see how that might work… maybe I could try to explain with an example? As the UK and many European countries do not really recognise prenups, perhaps I do not really understand what they are?
My understanding of prenups is this: John and Jane are due to get married. John has a great job, and a high earning potential. Jane has a low paid job with few prospects, but she has received an inheritance from her deceased relatives. The prenup protects Jane’s inheritance and both of their future earnings, in case of divorce.
John and Jane marry and have children. Initially, Jane gives up work to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. Then… disaster! John has an accident, and loses the use of his legs. He can no longer do his job, so Jane goes back to work and John dedicates himself to being a SAHF. Jane retrains, and eventually gets a job with fantastic prospects and a huge wage.
Many years pass, and John and Jane separate. However, if we now bring out their prenup, then Jane does not have to give John a share of the money she inherited, or indeed do anything to reward him for years of loyal work raising their family. I do not think that this is fair.
Circumstances change, and legal mediation takes into account your circumstances at the moment of your divorce, examining all the aspects of your life in order to come to a fair and equitable settlement. If I said that I didn’t want a prenup because I can’t predict the future, and I don’t know whether what is fair now would be fair in the future, would that make sense? Of course… the point is mute! Even if I got one, it wouldn’t make a difference… see below:
I find that website a bit bizarre… they say “oh yes, they’re enforceable” and then say “er… unless ABCDEFGHI”, which makes 99% of the agreement null and void almost by definition! Also, they give two examples, but I fail to see how there would have been any sort of a different outcome even without the prenups… the results were a fait accompli, as far as I can see…
EDIT: Also, do you have a link to the stats you’re using? I can find a bunch of different ones, but it would be nice to correlate and try to have a play with the data.
DOUBLE EDIT: Do those stats place annulment in the same category as divorce? Statistics wise, including annulment and divorce in the same category makes sense, but there’s a big difference from a Catholic perspective! I am not a Catholic, but I am able to see the difference here. It would definitely influence the data.