(Closed) Anyone else experience ageism after getting engaged?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 17
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve gotten my share of rude remarks, never on the bee though. My absolute favorite was on our wedding day when we were taking photos, a random person walked by and called me a “child bride”! I could only laugh. I just really don’t think I look that young. I’m 24.

Post # 18
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was married at 21 and never experienced ageism in real life (but plenty of unflattering opinions about marriageable age on the Bee). I’m sure part of the lack of commentary IRL was due to the fact that we’d both finished college, lived independently, and had been together for 4 years at that point.

Post # 19
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I will be 24 when we marry as well but I havent gotten that much. A lot of his friends give him crap, saying “are you sure you want to get married now, why not wait until your older.” He always says that he knows he is going to marry me so why not do it now? I have a friend too that always says she wants to wait until she’s older because she thinks she’s too young now (were the same age). Everyone’s different.

Post # 20
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ll be 24 when I get married this year and I’ve experienced it. People in my circle like to mask it behind being “inexperienced” probably because they’re too scared to say they think I’m too young. My mom has said she wishes I would have gotten more experience living alone, but she can’t really talk. I went away for school for 4 years and had to rely on myself. I’ve also traveled abroad without my family. Whereas my mom had like one semester away, didn’t get her license until she was married with 2 kids already, and never left the country until she was much older. Her friends all feel I should own a house, travel more, and probably date more before I get married. I don’t really care what they think because it’s all a bunch of hypocritical bs considering all of these people got married younger than I will.  

Post # 21
Member
288 posts
Helper bee

@notestasiskis:  I will be 23, just shy of 24 when I get married and I have people often say to us “you’re still young” or look at my ring and say “WOW, how could you afford that?!?” A year or so before we got engaged his parents yelled at him for making such a huge decision “so young” even though we had been together 2 years. He was 22 at the time and his parents got married at 19 which didn’t make me happy that they were quick to accuse and judge him when they were even younger themselves. 

Post # 22
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - W Hotel Silicon Valley

@notestasiskis:  I did get this from a few family friends when I got engaged/married and I KNOW I’m going to get a lot of this now that I am pregnant at 25. But ya know…the hell with ’em! I’m happy and it’s my life 🙂

Post # 23
Member
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband and I were 25 when we got married. We didn’t experience a lot of ageism from our family, but a few of my friends gave me the “What’s the rush?” line.

Let it roll off your back. Every relationship moves to the beat of a different drum.

Post # 24
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I havent experianced that much in real life or on the bee. I dont typically say how old I am online. And in person, I am very bluntly honest and will defend myself, so I think people try to avoid that. I was 18 when I got engaged to my then 24 year old boyfriend. We were already living together (since I was 17) though, as my parents got a divorce, and I didnt have anywhere to stay (long story), so I dont think it was much of a surprise

Post # 25
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I’ve exprienced that on other sites but I just delete my account and go somewhere else.

Post # 26
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@notestasiskis:  Geez people are so rude! I agree, even if they think marriage at 24 is “foolish” it isn’t really their business to make snide remarks about it. I would guess at least some of it springs from some underlying bitterness that they got/are getting married later than they wanted.

Post # 27
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

I was expecting you to be much younger by the title of this post!

I’m totally guilty of having opinions of young brides (under 21, I would say). Unless there’s a religious stipulation (e.g., premarital sex), I don’t see any reason why anyone would get married so young. These marriages, statistically speaking, are more likely to end in divorce. Again, that’s if religion isn’t a factor.

I don’t get why anyone would get upset for an older bride. Things happen in life. Some people have second marriages, or concentrate on other things and never get married in their twenties/thirties.

But really, any stranger making comments is just rude/ uncalled for.

Post # 28
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@notestasiskis:  

I personally haven’t seen it much on here, but I don’t read everything.

I have had A LOT of it to my face. I’m 25 in a few weeks, I REALLY do not consider that “too young”. Been with SO for nearly 5 years, I REALLY do not consider that “rushing it”. And unfortunately I can just never find the right words to respond on the spot 🙁 Usually because I’m so confused by people saying things like that to my face…

It actually bothers me quite a bit. And all from “friends”, not family. Another friend got married last year and our group was so negative about everything, even at the wedding. So I’m not inviting any of them – they are clearly at a different place in their lives, which is fine, I just don’t want their negativity impacting us and our happiness.

Post # 29
Member
11528 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

After waiting a very long time to meet the right man, I became engaged to my DH when I was 46, and I was a first-time bride at 47.

One day, I was at Michael’s crafts purchasing some wedding-related items, and the cashier, who appeared to be in my age range, asked me if it was my daughter or son who was getting married. I’m sure she was quite surprised when I explained that, no, I was the bride. (Not that it would have been any of her business, but she probably would have fallen over if I had told her that I was going to be a 47-year-old-virgin-by-choice-until-after-my-wedding-because-of-my-faith bride! Hahaha!!)

The experience did bother me, not because of my age itself but because so many people at that time had been telling me that they thought I looked as if were in my late 30s. I suddenly wondered if, perhaps, I looked much older than other people had been telling me, lol. In hindsight, I suppose she could have still assumed I was the mother of the bride or groom even if she thought I were in my late 30s. 🙂

Post # 30
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
@mordantmaxim:  I agree with this gal’s posts that there are people out there who feel a need (and obviously a right) to comment on one’s life choices.  Best just to tune them out.  Unfortunately, they will always be around…

Post # 31
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

I live in a country where they dont understand the concept of getting married under 30. I hate telling people im engaged because they just say “so young” or “why” or “people always  split up young”

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