- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013 - UK
Scenario: You’re having a nice, normal conversation with one of your wedding guests. It could be a family member or a friend. They ask you a question about an aspect of your wedding. Conversation then proceeds as follows…
Bride: Well, for that aspect of my wedding, I wanted to do A, but person X said that I should do B instead because [insert reason].
Guest: Aw… don’t listen to X. You’re the bride, and you should do whatever you want. It’s your wedding, right?
Bride: Thanks, that’s a really nice thing to say.
Guest: So what are you doing for C aspect of your wedding?
Bride: *emboldened by the support of guest* Well, I really want to do D.
Guest: *suddenly silent*
Bride: Are you OK? Have I said something wrong?
Guest: *Erupting* D???? D???? How can you do D??? How can you even think about doing D??? THINK OF THE CHILDREN etc etc
Bride: Hang on a second, you just said that it was my wedding and that I should do what I liked!
Guest: Yes, but aspect A of your wedding is only something small, whereas D REFLECTS BADLY ON YOUR VALUES AS A PERSON BECAUSE [insert reason].
I have experienced this quite a few times. Surely I cannot be the only one. It’s really destructive, too, because they’re not only giving you fake support (ie I will support you but only if I agree with every single choice you make), they are also undermining your relationship with X at the same time. Finally, they make you think like you are the unreasonable one for wanting to do D, despite saying earlier that they will support you. This makes you doubt yourself. Anyway, this must be quite common, surely?