(Closed) anyone else feel guilty about spending so much on a wedding?

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I defintely am at that point now! although the wedding is paid for by both sides of our family I am starting to realize that I could have nixed this, or saved money on that, etc etc and it kind of bums me out that we spent XX amount of money when we could have done it completly different and saved our parents money. I only now am kind of realizing that its not the things we have in the wedding that will make the day perfect, its marrying the man of my dreams thats makes it perfect and becoming husband and wife and sharing it with all the people we love, having $11 Chiavari chairs doesn’t make my day perfect

Post # 18
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Honestly, now that we’re close to the finish line I kind of wish I’d spent the money on something else. But in all honesty we’re not spending more than we can afford on this wedding, so I don’t feel bad about it. We planned it in a year and paid for things as we went.

Post # 19
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Kind of. We are having a very small wedding. Very very low budget. And almost everything we’ve done for the wedding, we have tried to use local vendors to support our community, which in turn, helps make life better for us in the long run. We are also doing a lot ourselves.

It was a priority for us to have a wedding. We discussed it a lot before we got engaged. We both wanted to have a wedding, to get up in front of our families and friends and say our vows, and to celebrate with the one’s we care about the most. That means we have sacrificed doing a lot of home improvements. My fiance needs a new computer desperately but we won’t be able to get him one until after the wedding. We may even wait a year to start a family, when we would really like to try as soon as we are married.We have not taken any vacation this year and will only be able to take a mini moon (probably camping). But we are not going into debt for this wedding. What our parents aren’t paying for, we are paying cash.

While the money aspect makes me feel a little guilty, it is more important that we take this time in our lives to celebrate with our family. And our families are more important than the money.

Post # 20
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have also felt guilty about spending all this money on one day, and have tried to keep the budget small.  But now part of me feels guilty for not spending more – at least on the catering portion.  I am planning a brunch reception, but some of my guests are coming from far away (one in particular is coming from Dubai).  I am afraid that they will feel like they will be traveling all that way for breakfast foods they could have made themselves.   

Post # 21
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I feel guilty about it too – and our budget is only about 1/3 of the average wedding budget for our state.  It was really hard for me to get excited especially early on because I felt like it was so selfish and wasteful.  To help us feel better about it, we’ve tried as hard as we can to emphasize that we’re having a big big party, not necessarily a wedding with all the bells and whistles.  We wanted it to literally be about getting together with our families and friends, period.  Anything that isn’t completely essential just got tossed.  No garters, no big cake, etc.  Recycling/reusing as much as possible, local as much as we can, etc.  It helps ease the guilt I have over spending such a huge amount of money on one day.

Post # 22
Member
5150 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I feel a little bit guilty but more so grateful that my wonderful parents are being so generous and footing the bill for most of our special day. I have thought about things twice (okay 50 times!), trimmed costs in some areas, splurged in others, and we are planning a wedding in a year as well so we have the time so spend as we go and we are not spending more then we can realistically afford.

Post # 23
Member
26 posts
Newbee

I like to think that our wedding dollars are helping to stimulate the economy. That may sound tongue-in-cheek, but since we’re making sure to use local vendors whenever possible (i.e. buying flowers from a local grower instead of flying them in from Columbia, having dress made locally instead of in China) and etsy vendors when we can’t find what we’re looking for locally, I feel that yes, we’re spending a bunch of money, but we’re keeping most of it local and/or supporting independent retailers. I also like to think of our wedding as a big thank you to the people who matter most to us, which makes spending money easier to justify. We’re not spending lavish amounts on our rings, attire, or honeymoon, or on frivolous (to us!) things like chair covers and favors, and instead are putting most of our money into a nice dinner, housing out of town guests, purchasing airfare for those who can’t afford it, etc.

Post # 24
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Yes, I feel very guilty about it.  Sometimes so bad that I shut down and don’t want to plan anymore. I am not used to spending so much money all at once in a short period of time and it’s actually made me plan a lot slower because I don’t want to part with the money. lol

Post # 25
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m with Miss Guava-Tini on this one…when I think about the wonderful vendors we had and how hard they worked to make our day come together, I don’t feel guilty. Especially since this year, I am sure many of them are struggling. Spending so much on one day, sure, its a lot of you did it every day – but its NOT just “any day”, its one pretty significant day in your life! For us, is was also about making our loved ones comfortable. Yeah, a Saturday night dinner is the most expensive, but it was also the most convenient and relaxed for our guests who made such an effort to come from near and far. So I certainly dont feel guilty for at least treating them to a nice dinner on the main night of the weekend!

Post # 26
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have a small budget (we are talking like 5,000) and it absolutely kills me to call it “small” because it is ALOT of money. I don’t necessarily feel guilty about spending it regarding all the less fortunate in the world per se because I actually carry that guilt when it comes to deciding a number of purchases. What’s different about this is I think about how much we could do with that money instead, like take a nice chunk out of our student loans! As a gal that has an internal deliberation over every purchase no matter how small, this is emotionally trying at times!

Post # 27
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

No. We’re having a small Destination Wedding, and the actual wedding cost is only about $3k, including sereral re-useable items. I do feel a little guilty every time we order pizza, or go out for a beer, but we haven’t touched our savings. I’m more worried about what we’ll spend in Vegas, once we have a couple drinks.

Post # 28
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I, too, feel so weird about plunking so much money into my wedding. I kept it simple and small, but even so it was more money than I’d dream of spending on anything else!

Even so, I get so excited with all these perfect details I see and I want them for myself. In the end, I had a wonderful time not becuase of how much I spent but because so many loved ones joined me. And then I think of the carbon footprint of their travels. And then I remember that this is the only time we’ll all join together — his side and mine — and celebrate US. And that makes it okay. I’m not sure if it would be okay if we’d spent more, though.

Post # 28
Member
36 posts
Newbee

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Jenniphyr:  I can relate to how your dad is behaving!  My fiance’s family loves big weddings and parties.  It is a way for them to get together and celebrate.  They like sit down, country club weddings and I am just not into that.  We found a happy medium with a venue I loved which is a rustic music venue in Virginia and we’re doing a catering company.  Our budget is small too compared to the average wedding cost in Washington DC, but his parents are helping with the catering since that is important to them.  Maybe your dad could give a toast and open the party – it may help him have the sense of decorum he is looking for.  Also, I am sure he will love it once he’s there.  My dad is not into weddings at all…he thinks they are not genuine? haha I have no idea what he thinks, but worrying about all of their prefrences will drive me crazy.  I just focus on what makes me comfortable and look foward to a special day. 🙂

Post # 29
Member
9 posts
Newbee

all. of. the. time. 

I never think twice for other people’s wedding, but when it comes to us getting married in the nearish future, I feel guilt and weird about the whole “putting people out”

 

Post # 30
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Oh man, I can totally understand this. I am so lucky in the fact that I can afford my dream wedding and not go into debt. But then I think of all the underpriviledged families and then I feel like crap. I feel like why, WHY am I spending all this money on one day? Especially when so many people can’t even afford basic necessities.

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