(Closed) Anyone else feel guilty about the amount of $ being spent?

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can’t relate exactly to your situations, but I can understand your feelings. When my Fiance and I found out we were expecting, we moved in together & planned on spliting the bills with me covering things like groceries and other misc. items because I had the better paying job. Well 3 months in, I lost my job and found it difficult for anyone wanting to hire a pregnant women. My Fiance took over all the finacial responsibilites, in addition to purchasing us, well me, a new (used) suv, our wedding (with some assistance from my parents) and purchasing a new home (we close on the 22nd). Everyting has happened so fast & in a short period of time and I feel so very lucky and blessed, but gulity at the same time that both our partents and my Fiance have done so much for me. I want to be able to contribute and help ease any financial strain that may come, but my Fiance would rather me stay at home with our son. While I am so grateful for the oppertunity to be a stay at home mom I can’t help but feel a little guilty for not being able to help more.

 

You sound like you have an amazing family and Fiance and such a big heart. While I dont think I have any helpful suggestions or advice, I think sometimes a heartfelt letter letting them know how appreciative you are can go a long way. Congratulations on your engagement and your upcoming wedding! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I feel ya! I have been having guilt since before the ring went on my finger. Fiance and I moved in together last October. Him with money in the bank me with debt and 2 cats. One with a medical history that caused me to spend a small fortune a couple of years ago and he still gets sick every now and then. So…ring went on, plans started being made and next thing ya know we’re committed to a typical NY Wedding on a budget. So he’s been pretty much paying for everything while I try to get out of debt. I feel guilty every time he makes a payment or pays for anything. We recently booked a little trip that he paid for. I offered to get a second job which he said no way. I’m just so sick of feeling like I’m not contributing my part. It’s awful to feel this way. He keeps saying we’re a team now and once this is all done and behind us it won’t matter we’ll be married and our money will be together and the same so who cares but I feel like crap all the time over it. If I could go back and not have this wedding I would. Just elope and save the money. Next thing will be booking the honeymoon, I’m shaking because I know I won’t have any money to contribute so he’ll pay and again I’ll feel crappy. I offered to not do anything big but he insists it’s our honeymoon and we’re not skimping. I guess all I can offer as comfort is knowing if things were reversed and I could do this for him I would and I know you would do the same for your Fiance so remember that and try not to feel bad.

Post # 5
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Yep.  My FH got an extra job and is working lots of overtime so we have more money for our wedding budget and honeymoon.  I am being more stingey with our budget so we can save more from that end as well.

Post # 6
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes, I feel guilty spending money.  Maybe it’s more like buyers remorse than guilt?

I like to see a nice cushion of money sitting in my account and it makes me sad to see it go down every month!

Just this year we paid for a new deck, paid off the rest of my student loans, paid for braces for both of us (up front to get the 10% discount), will be paying for a $5k weddingmoon trip this month. And we want a laptop (we both use our work computers but they have to go back) and Fiance wants a gas grill.  I just tell myself we won’t be burning through money like this every year of our marriage – I HOPE!

Post # 8
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I totally understand. I just finished graduate school last year and haven’t been able to find full-time work (just lots of contract work) so I am going back to school for a compressed nursing program in the fall. My contract just ended last month, so I am unemployed for july/august before going back. I do have a part-time job lined up for the school year, but its not a lot of money. We’ve (aka my fiancee) bought a house, are planning for a wedding next spring, recently bought a second (used) vehicle so I could use his old one. He recently took a new job that is much better paying, but comes with longer hours. I usually feel guilty hanging around during the day, spending his money (i.e. buying groceries, ect), while he works hard to provide.

I hope that some day, I’ll make enough to support him if he wants to go back to school, do a career change, ect. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@gingerspice:  I think it’s good that you’re not taking your Fiance for granted, but as you say, if you took on another job your school would suffer.. IMO not worth it.

I don’t see anything wrong w. what you’re doing. You’re working hard to better yourself for future returns. Keep in mind that you don’t know what the future holds – you might be supporting your Fiance at some point in the future, you never know. As long as you’re both on the same page, I see nothing wrong w. what you are doing. You can’t look at it as mooching or anything because it’s not.

I’m not saying that you’re doing this, but just a piece of advice – don’t start spending assuming your future income will be bigger just because you have a master’s. You cannot predict the future. My sister has a master’s and is currently unemployed… nothing in sight. Luckily I am able to earn good money w. my bachelor’s. You just never know. But it sounds like you’re handling things very well, lots of people would envy your situation I think. Your fiance sounds like a great guy who knows the meaning of partnership.

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