(Closed) Anyone Else Feel Guilty???

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Are your girlfriends unhappy being single?

I have felt guilty too, and here’s how I quit it: Don’t assume that a serious relationship is a panacea for unhappiness. Singledom has its perks too! And it is vastly preferable to a bad relationship. Your relationship has made YOU happier, but that’s you. It’s not like you could give your Fiance away to one of your girlfriends so that she could have him instead, unless she was your clone…. :). So why feel guilty?

Do you feel like your Fiance came along at just the right time in your life? I feel that way about mine. So whatever’s going on with your girlfriends, if they’re looking for serious relationships they will come in time, when the time is right.  

Post # 4
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Yeah chelseamorning!  Very well said.  I’m *finally* married at the age of 43, and have several girlfriends who waited as long.  I always thought that I was much better off happy with myself and my friends and family than in any relationship that made me unhappy in any way.  And while my girlfriends who got married younger were hiding their credit card balances from their husbands, worrying about money, suffering through morning sickness, getting no sleep with a new baby, raising two or three little ones with a husband who travelled all the time – I was making a ton of money, going on fantastic vacations, remodeling a gorgeous old home, working in a very satisfying job, and dating a lovely parade of successful and handsome guys who were lots of fun for a few years at a time.  I have great family and friends, and never thought I was missing out on anything.  Which is a big part of what made me the woman I am now.  I never wanted to be married, until I finally started dating DH (and really, I took some convincing).

I do hope, for all my still single friends, that they eventually meet someone as good as him.  And in the meantime, I hope they have a hell of a good time being responsible for nobody but themselves. I sure did!

Post # 5
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I feel it a little bit.  I’m 37, so right there with Suzanno.  My friends and I made conscious decisions to postpone love for careers, so many to most of them are still single.

I know that for a few its really, really hard.  They want babies and they feel like the window is closing on them.  I try to be very supportive of what they need.  I always ask about their stuff before I launch into any wedding talk.  I check in with them a lot to see how they are feeling and if they are feeling uncomfortable with wedding stuff.  By and large, they’ve been very open and honest about it.  One even said she was sad that day, and maybe we could talk about something else.  I fully respect that.

I took one of my friends this week to get a pedicure.  I know she’s sad about not having an SO. Talking to her, I suddenly I had a brainstorm that we need to celebrate the major life events in our single friends’ lives.  See I was that single girl only a couple of years ago.  While it was fun to see all my co-workers getting hitched and having kids, I often felt that people took for granted or even forgot about us single girls.

Its important to mark life’s events together… especially for our single friends who don’t have weddings and showers where they are fawned over.

Whether its a birthday or purchase of a new house, I plan to do it up big for these girls… and when its their turn to get married, they know that I’ll be there 110% as well!

Post # 6
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I did a little.  But none of them has led the same life as me, so I wouldnt expect timing to be the same for them.  BE AWARE though of the things your guilt might lead you into saying!  There is a SATC episode where Miranda makes all teh joes about being single or not having a baby and it pisses her off when people say things like "Dont worry – someday it’ll be your turn" or words to that effect that are meant to be kind. I took that to heart and have always tried to keep that in mind with the "i am not leading their life – they are unto themselves."

Post # 7
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I do feel a little guilty sometimes — mostly because I feel like my advice or encourgagement towards non-singlehood for the single girls is somehow "tainted" by the fact that I have somebody. I can’t think of a better way to say it — does anybody get it?

Post # 8
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I felt this way for a long time – sometimes I still do. Though, what hurt the most was a friend telling me I’m “not allowed to have children until she gets married”. I know it wasn’t completely serious but it still stung a bit.

Post # 9
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@krisanne: 4 year old thread dear 🙂

Post # 10
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@strawbs:  I know. I like to read back and bring some back just in case they can be helpful to anyone else. But thanks! 🙂

Post # 11
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

No way! I don’t feel guilty for being married or pregnant but I do feel grateful.

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