(Closed) Anyone else feel like a lone wedding planner?

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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andreanb: I know exactly how you feel! I’m almost done planning thank god! My Fiance is not into it at all. Even if I ask him to do something small, it’s never done quite right and I end up re-doing it.

I honestly think it’s pretty common though from what I hear. I just don’t think men are that interested in planning the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it’s pretty common. My Fiance selected the colors from the palettes I chose & is giving input on decor & the food (of course) lol

Maybe if he knew exactly how you felt about the issue, he’d try participating more. Have you spoken with him and expressed your concerns & feelings?

Post # 5
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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andreanb:  That’s a man for you! Lol My Fiance is the exact same way. His only request was chocolate cake. He came to the videography appt, officiant appt and booked our suite for the night and that is basically it. I would go ahead and pick what you want and like and just tell him instead of asking his opinion. Lol

Post # 6
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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CrankyTurtle:  Yes of course, food! Fiance deff. didn’t miss the tasting! Lol

 

Post # 7
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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vivaciousbride1989:  hahaha that’s probably the one thing they all really look forward to during planning

Post # 8
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

Fiance only cared about the cake, food, and drink menu. Pick what you want and give him two options. Take his input under consideration but still choose what makes your heart flutter. 

Post # 10
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m in the same boat.. My Fiance has almost called the wedding off because he’s “afraid” of it. But not the marriage part! 

So now I have to plan it completely without him. I cant even get the guest list out of him. 

Its making the wedding planning process incredibly stressful. 

Ive already changed venues, themes and cut the guest list by 75%! 

Its getting to the point where I just want to elope on the beach in hawaii. 

Post # 11
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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andreanb:  “Should I essentially just move on without him and pick the details I like since it apparently doesn’t really matter to him?”

Yes.

Some guys might want to participate in details of wedding planning but many do not.  So no sense in trying to squeeze blood from a rock and having needless frustration.  Just talk to Fiance about budget & type of event you both want (morning ceremony followed by brunch or evening black tie affair, etc) Then plan & pick whatever you want.  With him in mind of course.  Don’t choose anything that you know very well is not his style or something he wouldn’t be comfortable with.  Just take the initiative and get it done.  When we walked into the venue my fiancé was so proud, full of compliments, appreciative and pleased with the wedding I created for us.  It was kind of an awesone moment.  (Even though I had wanted to elope!) 

FWIW I picked & hired the venue, date, officiant (FI uncle), caterer, DJ, Florist, rental company, linen, furniture, decor, lighting, valet company, photographer and DOC.  I designed the invitations, wrote the ceremony script & programs, developed the timeline, coordinated with his mom for mother-son dance song selection (I got a list of about 8 songs she liked & had him pick from it).  I planned the rehearsal dinner too.

Lots of guys care only about the food, the drinks and a little bit about the music.  Even when it came to those elements my DH was more like a 30% partner, it wasn’t 50/50.  

Post # 12
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

It is nice to know i am not alone! mine is worse because i get the ” i don’t know or I don’t like that” but he doesn’t tell me what he does like or what he would like to change. He just knows he doesn’t like what i showed him.

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andreanb:  

Post # 13
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It’s like pulling teeth to get him to make a decision!! He says he wants “my day” to be everything I’ve always dreamt of. Sweet, but frustrating lol. He did contribute by picking the first dance song, other than that I’ve picked everything (after running it by him of course).

Post # 14
Member
638 posts
Busy bee

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andreanb:  If you’re month is May of next year, maybe he’s not so involved because it’s a year away? I can totally sympathize because that’s how my Fiance was when we set the date for a year away. He’s more helpful now that we’re 6 months to go, but he was definitely throwing around “I don’t knows” and “I don’t cares.” I had them get fitted for their tuxes and he’s getting excited for his bachelor party too. I think once it’s gets closer to the date, he’ll become more helpful. That’s how it went for me. 

Post # 15
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

Don’t get discouraged as other Bees have mentioned Fiance involvement is limited. I was under the impression that I would have this awesome support system with my Fiance and family and that was not the case. I planned everything myself down to DIY invitations, place cards, save the dates, cathedral veil, guest book etc. I do definitely recommend to hire a day of coordinator if you can, it makes such a difference to not stress the day of. I created a folder with all contracts, timeline, and pending payments (envelopes with pre-written checks for 13 vendors). If you can pay with credit card take advantage of the reward point offers. They do add up and you can use it towards your honeymoon or a nice weekend getaway.

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