Anyone else feel like Bachelorette Parties are getting out of hand?

posted 1 year ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

100% agree, it’s ridiculous.

Post # 3
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I couldn’t agree more! Last year was really bad for my crew. Not only was every bachelorette party a weekend getaway, but also all the weddings were out of town as well! So I was spending $100’s to $1000’s just to attend someone’s wedding activities! 

My SO and I have already said “absolutely not” we will be doing super toned down versions. My SO wants to go camping with like 3 people and I just want a night out on the town. That is it!  

Post # 4
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Re: your question, “What ever happened to getting together with your girls or boys, knocking back a few too many drinks and playing some silly scavenger hunt or games at a bar?”

People move for school, jobs, etc. so it’s not a guarantee that the bridesmaids live in the same place as the bride. If no one is local, it’s not as simple as just showing up at a bar and hanging out. 

Post # 5
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

My friends planned a two night get away for mine, we only had to drive two hours away, and it was awesome and affordable. 

My fiances brother is planning a surprise 4 day trip for him, I know some of the details and unfortunately several of his closest friends cant make it because the brother is going over the top with first class flights and an expensive condo which I think is completely ridiculous. My fiance would rather spend time with his friends even if it’s just a night out in our city.

Post # 6
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah – well let’s not make this JUST about the girls’ parties. The bachelor parties are just as bad, if not worse, in our friend group. 

The most recent bachelor party Darling Husband went to was 5 nights in BELIZE. 

And his best man (who will marry in a few months) was trying to talk Darling Husband into doing a shared bachelor party in South America, fishing for some rare fish, and it was going to cost thousands of dollars!

Thankfully, they came to their senses, but now there’s talk of a bunch of the guys (seems like everyone in our group is getting married) getting together and doing “something small and casual,” but their idea of small and casual is usually anything but, so we’ll see…

Post # 7
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

I agree some parties are getting extravagent but I can see why most parties are stretched to 2-3 days. I have quite a few GOOD friends that I don’t necessarily live near. If I’m going to travel for a party I’m happy to have it be for 2 or 3 days of fun. Of the 8 ladies coming to my bachelorette only 3 live within 30mins of me, the rest are a 2 hour drive and 1 a flight away.

I think that the world is changing, more people move away from home but stay in touch with social media, skype, texting, etc. It’s a lot easier these days to stay close with people that don’t live near you.

I also think that people are also getting married later in life so in many circles people have the money and want to go away for a girls trip to celebrate. I’ve been to 6 bachelorettes in the last few years and they were all weekends away but we are all in our late 20’s with no kids so we all have the money to spend on things like this. I had 2 ladies decline my bachelorette party and I’m not upset at all so if people need to decline to.

My group of friends typically takes at least one girls trip/weekend each year to all meet up and hang out with each other, making them into Bachelorette weekends on the years friends have gotten married hasn’t been a big deal.

Post # 8
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee

I understand what you are saying, but not everyone feels that way or is in the position that they can’t attend.  My BFF had her Bachelorette party in Vegas and there were 15 girls who willingly went.  

We do adhere to a specific rule that the bachelorette pays for her travel and accomodations and still only gets one night for her actual celebration.  Obviously, we celebrate her the entire time we are there, but the friends and bridesmaids are only responsible for paying for one night of drinks and debauchery just like any regular bachelorette party.  It is not an all expenses paid trip for her.

 

Post # 9
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I totally agree. I am attending a bachelorette party soon that’s a whole weekend shindig a couple hours away. Luckily I’m only staying for one of the nights but I still have to participate that day I get there and the next. And there’s a rented house everyone chips in for, plus we’re asked to bring drinks/snacks, also bring gifts, and there’s a whole itinerary of activities. And the Maid/Matron of Honor has lots of time and money to plan and pay for this kind of stuff, so I want to participate but it’s tough when her idea of a “normal” party isn’t quite what mine is. 

Post # 11
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Absolutely agree with OP

Even if people are scattered now, its possible to meet up somewhere central so the most anyone has to pay out on top of food & drink is transport and 1 night in a cheap hotel.

Post # 13
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

sboom :  I guess I don’t see it as a burden as you have the option to decline. I like the idea of doing a fun girls trip to Vegas or Miami. Mine was just a simple dinner, but I enjoyed attending other people’s bachelorette parties that were out of town.

I only see it as a problem if the bridal party sees the bachelorette as a financial burden.

Post # 15
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

 

Yes, they’re out of hand.

In our circle bachelor/ette parties have come to be a $200-$300 pp expense (so when we’re good friends with both the bride and groom, which is the case for most weddings we attend, my husband and I are looking at between $400-$600 just for the bachelor/ette). 

For our wedding we did a combined bachelor/ette weekend. Most of our friends are from college and we always do everything as a group, not separated by gender. Our bridal party planned it and it ended up being a weekend trip at an AirBnB halfway between the two cities our friends are divided between. It did make sense to do it that way because at least half of the group was going to have to travel, so rather than one group traveling 5 hours we all traveled 2 1/2. And with that kind of drive, it did make sense to turn it into a weekend trip. We do these types of trips a couple of times a year regardless of if there’s an occasion, so it wasn’t a huge unexpected financial cost to our friends, but I still felt guilty the whole weekend that people were spending money on us like that. It was a great time but if everyone lived in the same city I would have insisted we just do a one-night thing. 

There’s OTT and then there’s OTT, though. Once airfare is involved, that’s crazy to me. Our best man was originally trying to organize a trip that required airfare and I put a stop to that real quick. 

ETA – All of our friends are late 20s/early 30s and most have good paying jobs with flexible vacation time. However, we have one good friend who is scraping by and it would have been a real stretch for him to afford anything more than the weekend trip that he usually budgets/saves for anyway. So yes, if you know everyone in your group can afford to fly somewhere and would like to use the bachelor/ette as a reason for a fun vacation, go for it. Sounds like lots of fun! But make sure you really know that’s the case, otherwise you’re excluding someone you care about or putting them in a really tough spot.

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