(Closed) Anyone else feel like the house work is never done?- VENT

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I find it really really strange that so many grown adults (men AND women) don’t know basic housekeeping. I mean sure, sometimes mess just builds up and there’s no avoiding that, but to have to be told to do the dishes or fold laundry? I hate washing dishes as much as the next person and when I was living on my own I might have avoided them for a day or so, but that stuff gets gross REAL fast and I feel like it’s common sense to realize that working in a clean kitchen is so much nicer than a dirty one. I think for someone who doesn’t know these things, the best way to go about it might be the same way one might teach a child. Use a chart showing every day of the week what chores need to be done on specific days.

Post # 18
Member
11643 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

julies1949:  seriously. Waiting on sons like they are little kings isn’t helping them become responsible men. 

Post # 19
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee

If my mum was here she would vent so much right now. My dad does absolutely nothing around the house and he works far less hours than my mum. He gets home and waits for her to get home (around an hour or two later) for her to start cooking. But ‘cant teach an old dog new tricks’ applies there. His mum and sister did everything for him growing up.

For me- I actually dont mind doing the housework and would happily do it all day instead of working if I could. My Fiance cooks though so thats 1 less thing for me to do, but I do everything else. He can do it if I ask him to but honestly Id rather do it myself most of the time.

Post # 20
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Thankfully Darling Husband does his own laundry and whoever cooks does not do the dishes (he cooks quite often) but cleaning is NOT his forte. He claims that he just has a higher tolerance for certain things (ie dirt in our house) than me. I personally think he knows if he doesn’t do it I WILL! But I somewhat agree with him, most men just have lower standards for ‘clean’. 

Post # 21
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

loudsilence99:  I do agree with that. I got lucky though and my Fiance (lol, maybe because we’re not married just yet!) is very good about trying or helping out around the house. We both work full time jobs and mine is very physical, plus I try to work out 2 hours a day 5 days a week. He knows I’m exhausted and offers to do things, or will do them on his own sometimes. He’s not perfect, but I know how difficult most guys can be so I’ll take it! We definitely have a good thing going. But yeah, even when things are cleaned up, I still find myself poking around and doing more. I guess it’s just that way!

Post # 22
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m constantly cleaning up after 2 big dogs. I can clean the house spotless but 15 min later they undo everything haha

Post # 23
Member
11520 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

My Darling Husband is bad too.  I’ve found that he knows what he’s supposed to do and that GENERALLY, if I don’t ask him to do the stuff he does and if I remember to say ‘thank you for….’ it goes a long way to getting him to keep doing it. 

I know that we shouldn’t have to thank each other for doing the day to day household chores, but he always thanks me for ‘cooking a good supper’ or doing the laundry so I feel it’s only fair that he gets the same.  Besides, who doesn’t like it when someone notices they’re working hard.

Post # 24
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

loudsilence99:  Oh boy, that WILL get old fast. I was married to a guy where I always felt like the mommy. In other respects, too. Planning everything, making sure things got done, cleaning, etc. Nip that in the bud. If you can.

julies1949:  TOTALLY AGREE. I have worked with many women who seem to treat their sons differently. For instance right now a woman still makes her son’s lunch. HE’S TWENTY. Does his laundry, picks up his room. Etc etc. And the best part? She gets mad at him because he can’t make a decision or do his own laundry or pick up his own room. Doh!

Post # 25
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

PS- I don’t think it’s a “man thing”. I have 3 good male friends who are all neater than I am.

Post # 26
Member
2350 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My situation is the other way around. I am the slob who leaves stuff all over the place.  My mom nagged me to clean and cook SO much as a kid that when I got my own place at 19, it felt so good to leave dishes in the sink, to let the laundry pile up and just be independent. To do things when I wanted and not when she wanted.  

Now as a grown married adult, I certainly do keep the house in shape but I still hate it because I work 50 hours a week and I’m just tired all the time. There’s no way on earth I could handle kids in the house which is another reason we choose to stay cbc.

My biggest frustration is dust. OMG dust dust dust dust dust. It’s everywhere, on everything, every day. I wipe it up, it’s back in three hours. If the sunlight shines in the window, it looks like it is snowing inside. That is the part that never ends for me. Cleaning up dust, laundry cuz Darling Husband wears three outfits a day, and picking up stuff I accumulate around the house. Those are the never ending stories in my house.

 

 

Post # 27
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

Are you me? I have been with this long struggle for about 8 years now.

Darling Husband never learned to cook (unless it came from a box) he never learned to clean, he never had chores growing up. His mom did it all.

He takes out the trash when it’s full. Does the Cat litter box. all without asking.. but anything else? WOAH NELLY!

Still can’t get him to put all the laundry in the basket when he takes it off. Or put his clothes in the dresser after I wash and fold it. Those require a bit of nagging to get him to do. 

He doesn’t cook dinner, but- I do make him help prep it. Take out whatever meat, or pull out all the ingrediants, chop things..etc. Over time he has learned some but honestly when we both work full time and have a hungry 5 year old to feed, it’s much more effficent if I just put everything together.

On the weekends when we have more time I am able to have him help cook- similar to when I have my daughter help me prepare meals as well.

As far as dishes- he washes what he needs. If there is a sink full of dishes and no bowls- he’ll just wash the one bowl he needs and use it and leaves the whole sink of dishes for me to do. We dont have a dishwasher (yet). Which is something that is a constant source of stress so eventually both sinks get full of dishes and I end up having to clean them up. I have him dry and put them away so it doesn’t take too long. But i dont understand why he can’t take iniative and do them.

grrrrr

Post # 28
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

loudsilence99:  

 

 

Well I’m on the same page but just the role is opposite. Darling Husband is the one who does most of the house work and I’m still learning.  It’s hard for us to notice because for my case, I have been living with my parents and when I got older, I’m too busy with work and school at the same time, so I hired a maid for my mom …. so I never need to do anything before married. 

 

I took initiative to mop, vaccum and do laundry but it takes time to learn.  What I can suggest is do not criticize him… that will discourage him. Instead of expecting who does what, just make it a weekend event or do it together. 

And when he does something, compliment him that will make him happy and want to try harder next time.  That’s what my hubby does to me, I told him from day one I don’t want him to criticize me and do not want him to look over my shoulder.  just tell me briefly if I did something wrong or suggest a better way briefly…. 

Post # 29
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

MsGinkgo:  

I totally agreed on the thank you part. My hubby is the one who started it first since day one. He will say thank you softly for little thing like me grabbing him a drink. We developed that habbit to thanks each other for evertyhing.  A thank you go a long way 

Post # 30
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Darling Husband and I have a deal. He takes care of everything outside. Raking, snow moveing, house repairs etc. I clean the house and do wash. About once a week I clean the entire house. Laundry is at least twice a week. Cooking we take turns cooking and cleaning up all week. We both work full time and this works for us. It takes time to get this down pat I know it did for us. As my mother says it took her 35 years to train my father to where he is now. lol

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