(Closed) anyone else feel ugly, and does it affect your relationship?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I often feel this way.  I really don’t know what advice offer you, because I struggle with this myself.  I can only tell you that I’m sending you hugs and good thoughs. 

Post # 4
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I could have written this post.  I’ve struggled with body (and face image) issues ever since I learned what “pretty,” meant.  So, for about 26 years or so.  First- stop apologizing to your Fiance and to anyone else for how you look.  He loves you, and he’s marrying you.  End of story.

I just wrote a couple long posts here about what yoga has done for my body/face image issues.  I strongly suggest giving it a try.  Once you start to appreciate your body for what it DOES for you rather than how it looks, your whole perspective can change.  I still have big, fat, ugly days though.  I’m 5’5″ 140- we probably have the exact same proportions. 

Post # 5
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Also- I just looked at your engagement pics- you’re gorgeous!  Your hair is so pretty and long, and you have porcelain skin.  And look at the way he’s smiling at you!!

Tell the ugly bug on your shoulder to shut the hell up. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I sometimes feel self conscious about myself. If I am not wearing makeup I won’t go outside. I feel the same about my weight, I try to eat better and exercise but my weight stays about the same.

It used to cause a strain in our relationship until I realized that he is with me for a reason and that he too has his insecurities but for me he is perfect and I love him the way it is.

You have to stop putting yourself down and start thinking about all the good things about yourself.  We can be our worst critics. But you have to love yourself and accept yourself. He loves you for who you are.

Post # 8
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Pay attention to the parts where I talked about how everybody’s too busy trying to stay upright to care what you look like.  For serious.  Try it once, and tell me you’re not more focused on yourself than on everybody else. 

Post # 9
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have always had a horribly body image since grade school. I was made fun of for being fat AND gay. Not something you quickly get over. In my relationship with my FW (17 DAYS), I always had a hard time taking off my clothes, believing her when she said I was sexy, and even having sex, the lights always have to be off and I always wore a shirt.

I was given some awesome advice by friend. She told me not to get in my head about it. FW asked you to marry her looking like you do which means she finds you beautiful. You have to get out of your head and just go with it. Don’t think. Just do it.

I did not have a reponse. I always have a response about how I look like this and feel like this and so on. But I REALLY thought about what she said and I took it to heart. I am not completely over my body issues, but I do feel better about myself. And I say thank you to people when they compliment me (and I try to not say bad things in my head about it)

I say stop saying things in your head. Either say them out loud or change your mind set. I understand the body issues and you will never be fully over them, but your brain can always change!

I think you are beauitiful

Post # 10
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I feel ugly every single day.. and pictures literally incuce vomit inducing periods of my life. I hate taking my clothes off and being naked, and it’s gotten to the point where he agrees (jokingly) that I’m fat, because I just say those words so much. 

I wish I had some advice to give you, but I don’t, many good thoughts coming your way! 

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@misabell:  Have you ever thought about talking to someone about your body image issues? There are definitely things about myself that I don’t love, and sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think, “What in the world does he see in me,” but we all have those moments. Hiding from him when you’re sick isn’t going to work when you’re married and live together.

Post # 12
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve been there too. You just have to remember that your fiancé likes you for more than just your looks. There will always be someone prettier and in better shape than you, so stop defining yourself in those parameters! Your fiancé loves you for your personality and everything else that makes you you!

I started hot yoga too. The studio by me is awesome and had people of all ages and shapes. It’s hot and sweaty and no one has makeup on and no one cares. Good luck!  

Post # 14
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

My first thought was “yoga,” which I see two other bees also thought of. It helps you feel strong and good about your body, about what you’re capable of. Plus it’s a big de-stresser!

Post # 15
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@misabell:  It may not hurt to try individual therapy again. I know you said you didn’t have great luck with it before but if your EDNOS or anorexia symptoms are still there and are inhibiting you in your everyday life then I would suggest seeking some sort of help again. I am probably biased because I am a mental health counselor but I have seen so many girls suffering from eating disorders that have benefited from continuous counseling. Unfortunately many times those body image issues will stick with you for a long time but there are ways to keep those thoughts under control and to help you learn to love your body. 

 

Post # 16
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have legit come home and cried because I feel so ugly compared to other girls. Usually he tells me he doesnt want to hear it and that he feels like I am pretty, but sometimes he lets me lay on him and cry. I’m 25 years old and I feel stupid that I feel this way, but it has caused many a fight. There have been times when we havent gone out to dinner, etc. because I’ve changed my clothes so many times but I still feel ugly….and then I start crying, etc. Noone wants to hear it because I am skinny and apparently have ‘nothing to feel ugly about’…but I’ve always hated certain parts of my body and my face. I look at other girls my age and they are so beautiful, and I’m just “okay” “average” “cute”. It really gets to me and yes, it does cause issues, especially since he is really good looking and gets hit on all the time. I once said he only wants to be with me because I’m ugly enough that he doesnt have to worry about me cheating. He told me I was being ridiculous! Honestly, I wasn’t pretty as a pre-teen and teen and boys told me in school all the time that I was ugly and it never really left me that I was told this all the time. Sometimes other people can be very damaging.

OMG. I sound crazy…I dont have any advice for you, OP, but I know where you are coming from. Sometimes it feels like so much pressure to be pretty, when you think of the world and the definition of beauty.

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