(Closed) anyone else freaked out abt both names on lease/mortgage?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

Hey, I have the same kinds of instincts. It’s ok to be afraid of commitment, afraid of not being able to ESCAPE! Several years ago, I moved cross-country with my guy for his new job (while I was finishing my dissertation and living mostly on loans) and I found the entire experience EXTREMELY scary. I picked lots of fights. 🙂 In the end, my lovely, supportive, understanding man promised me that if things went bad between us, he would pay for my ticket back east.

I think the thing to do is to acknowledge your fear and attempt to grapple with it openly as a couple. It *is* harder to leave if you own property together. It IS scary to be financially embroiled with someone. It’s totally fine to have these reservations (in fact, I wish more women had them). Just do the best you can by yourself and your relationship and be honest along the way. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh i know where you’re coming from. It’s the whole “it’s so permanent” idea. It’s a big step moving towards engagement+marriage!

Be grateful he wants your name on the list! Some guys wouldn’t, just so they could protect themselves more =]

Post # 6
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House

When Lambers and I signed the contract for our house, the lawyer looked at us and said, “This contract legally binds you closer than marriage.”  It was a little nervewracking, but it was such a good step for us.  Definitely know all of the ramifications of owning a home together if you’re not married and explore options for protecting yourself financially.  Homebuying is such a crazy exciting time – good luck to you!

Post # 7
Member
898 posts
Busy bee

Fiance scares the hell outta me talking about putting my name on things. My name is on absolutely nothing right now, and he really wants my name on the house and wants to have a joint bank account. I’ve lived too long being independent and I’m having a hard time making the transition from “Mine” thinking to “Ours” thinking.

ACK!!!

Post # 8
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

In the same situation right now. It is scary but it’s soo exciting too. We are engaged; and our buying a home before we are married in 2011. Its going to make it seem soo real. I think Mr is more nervous about the whole “ours” think than I am. But we have talked about it and we know how one another feels about things. All i know is that our realtor told us this will be the most emotional decision we will ever make in our lives. He has seen people cry; scream; pass out & just stare in a state of aww. Ha Ha! So know that you aren’t alone!

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