(Closed) Anyone else get a hard time from family for choosing not to have kids? Long Vent

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do you get judged for deciding not to have children?
    Yes : (11 votes)
    79 %
    No : (3 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    “of course they’ll be judgemental, they’re your family”

    can’t remember where i heard that, (30 rock maybe?) but it is so true.

    i haven’t been judged on the kids front (yet) but we are criticized for our wedding plans, choosing to live in a different state, super long engagement, buying a house, etc. eventually i just stopped telling people the things about myself they will judge me on (like whether we are having kids, what kind of car i am buying, etc)

    Post # 4
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    for the first year every single family thing had people shoving poor unsuspecting kiddies into my arms and being told ‘this time next year this will be you”.  thankfully they seemed to have stopped… for now anyways

    Post # 5
    Member
    88 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I hate the “you will change your mind” comment too. Or sometimes, it feels like people are trying to convince me to have children by listing all of the great things children bring or by telling me I would be a great mother, which btw, I’m pretty sure I would not be. 

    My mom had a similar reaction and my sister didn’t understand either. She’s unable to have kids naturally and made a couple of hurtful comments about how unfair it is that I can have kids and don’t want any. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think people assume all women will just eventually start popping out babies bc “that’s what were supposed to do.” I am not gay and I do have 1 child (4ys)- but I get, “So when are you having another baby?” ALL the time and when I say never they are always like Really?. To make it worse I tecah 1st grade so people just kinda expect me to want 3 or 4 kids. I don’t know if there is a “right” response, espicially for family- I pretty much just ignore the question and change the subject. When people tell me, “You’ll change your mind.” I usually respond, It could but probably not and start another conversation. Unfortunatly, family think they can say anything to us no matter if they are sound rude, intrusive, or pushy and we’ll just take it. I hope you and your Fiance all the best and good luck with this matter.

    Post # 7
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think people assume all women will just eventually start popping out babies bc “that’s what were supposed to do.” I am not gay and I do have 1 child (4ys)- but I get, “So when are you having another baby?” ALL the time and when I say never they are always like Really?. To make it worse I tecah 1st grade so people just kinda expect me to want 3 or 4 kids. I don’t know if there is a “right” response, espicially for family- I pretty much just ignore the question and change the subject. When people tell me, “You’ll change your mind.” I usually respond, It could but probably not and start another conversation. Unfortunatly, family think they can say anything to us no matter if they are sound rude, intrusive, or pushy and we’ll just take it. I hope you and your Fiance all the best and good luck with this matter.

    Post # 9
    Member
    677 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I get told by my older cousin all the time that Im going to have kids and there is no point pretending I wont. Everyone else in my family is having babies, even the teenagers, but none of them have a life I want. My parents support my decision, though I think they are a bit sad about it, they are already grandparents by my sister. I feel very bad about my in-laws, my Darling Husband is an only child and my Mother-In-Law is terribly sad about my choice, but since I have a good medical reason to back it up she supports it as best she can. She is a wonderful lady and I will always feel sad that I cant give her grandkids, but its my life and I know whats best for me. The judgement annoys me the worst when its insinuated that I am immature because I dont want kids, or that I will change my mind. Its not a whim people, but this is coming from a family where teenage pregnancies are normal.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2154 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    We haven’t gotten it too badly yet – we’re only 25 and we’re still starving students, so even babycrazy relatives probably recognize that it would be pretty irresponsible of us at this point. 

    But I am expecting it.

    Mother-In-Law often knits/sews/makes things “for her grandchildren.” She only has one child. My husband.

    My mother has this weird complex about how our family has “good, healthy genes” – I know. Ugh. – so I’m anticipating some pressure there. Eugenics ftw. 

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