Anyone Else Get Depressed over Pets?

posted 1 year ago in Pets
Post # 2
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

 Exactly why no one should be giving pets as gifts. Your decision not to replace your pets should one pass away is a no-brainer. Of course not.

Is finding another home for the puppy an option? Extreme measure but maybe warranted in this case.

I also hope you are getting some help for your depression. Could be stemming from these pets or could be something deeper going on with you. Consider a marriage counselor, too.

 

Post # 3
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

My advice if you ever get another pet which seems unlikely would be to get insurance. 

My other advice if you ever get another husband is to get one who contributes equally to all things, chores, finances and emotional well being. 

I admire you for trying to do your best in adverse circumstances. Good luck with it all. But I don’t think it’s the pets making you depressed….

Post # 4
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

It doesn’t seem to me that this is a pet problem but a husband problem. You need to talk to him about finances and find a new arrangement.

Have you made a list of your bills with monthly amount and your income and shown it to him and told him how badly it stresses you out and how financially strapped you are? Combine your finances. Your household income would be enough to live comfortably and stress free. If you are not open to combining finances maybe a new household arrangement based on income and expenses. Or he could pay the household bills and you could focus on paying down your debt. Could you work together to pay off your credit cards, car ect. Do you have financial goals as a couple? Financially you are living like roommates.

Stop doing everything! He will realize real quick how much you do. He is perfectly capable of doing laundry, cooking, cleaning ect. Don’t do everything for him. You can even turn it into a couple activity and cook and clean together. Maybe make a chore chart if he needs it! 

Post # 5
Member
2310 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Definitely a husband problem. He should be paying for a lot more and helping out.

My DH is often lazy and it drives me mad but he at least pays for most things and we save my salary. 

Ps I also have two bunnies and one is called cookie. Love them to bits 

Post # 6
Member
3882 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

At a minimum, he should be helping with the cost of at least the puppy and the youngest bunny since he gave you one and you guys got the other together. He should also be helping around the house way more. You shouldn’t be solely responsible for maintaining the home. He lives there too.

I’d also see if you guys can come to a different arrangement regarding the household bills. Dh and I each put the same percent of our income into our joint account and bills get paid out of there. That way we’re both paying the same portion of our income towards bills and it’s more balanced.

Sorry you’re struggling with all this.

Post # 7
Member
6163 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Quit blaming the poor pets and look at your selfish husband as the source of all your anxiety. He’s the problem. Also, unless pets are trained and specifically brought up to be therapy animals for anxiety/personal support, their jobs are NOT to help you with your stress, anxiety, etc. That’s just too much to expect from an animal. It’s YOUR job to manage your mental health issues, go to therapy, seek out the right medications if necessary, make life changes. GL.

Post # 8
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

I’m confused as to why you both work full time but you’re the one who takes on everything to do with the home? This wouldn’t go down well in my household. I work less than my fiancé so I do a lot of the household things but that was a mutual decision and something we both felt was fair. We have one pet who we bought together and we share all responsibility 100%. She has health problems and it is stressful but all we care about is giving her the best life possible and that is what we focus on. I’m sorry that your pets have health issues. It’s hard and very upsetting sometimes. My advice is to focus on their quality of life. If they are having a good quality of life then you’re doing everything right. 

In terms of bills etc I don’t think you should pay for everything. I understand you paying for the pets you acquired before you met your husband/ moved in together but the one he bought you and the one you bought together are both of your responsibilities and he needs to step up. Have you discussed how spread thin you are with him? I think you should just tell him flat out that he isn’t doing enough and discuss with him how you could share the workload more. He should help with some chores and bills because otherwise that isn’t an equal partnership in my opinion, especially if you both work full time. I’d seriously question whether it was a good idea to have a child with someone who won’t even take responsibility for chores and pets. You don’t want to get stuck in the position of doing everything for your child and him just dipping in and out when he feels like it.

Post # 9
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

You should get pet insurance for the puppy since he is young and has no health issues. It’s easier to budget $30/month than worry about the costs of major vet bills. Your husband needs to help out with the bills, does he even know you are struggling? Sorry to hear about the rabbit with the abscess – I assume it’s a dental abscess – those can be extremely difficult to resolve even with unlimited finances. When discussing with your veterinarian please ask about the success rates and likelihood of resolution before agreeing to any procedures, so that you are fully informed and have proper expectations. For your older dog you can ask your vet if it’s possible to buy the insulin/needle and pain meds at a human pharmacy (sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t but by law vets have to give you an Rx for elsewhere if it’s requested). Might help save some money depending on what brand of insulin and painmeds he’s on.

Go talk to your husband about splitting the vet bills. 

Post # 10
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
missmagnificent :  I would he stressed too in your situation.   Your husband sounds like a giant ass.  As someone else mentioned, pets as gifts is just a horrible idea and unfair to the pet.  Pets can take a lot of time, effort, and money.  If someone wants to take that on then they need to decide for themselves  not have it thrust upon them in the disguise of a “gift” Talk to your vet and see if they offer any sort of financial assistance.   I signed up for a wellness and dental plan for both my cats through the vet.  That way I just pay a set amount ($25/month) for their semi annual visits/cleanings/shots/and 3 extra er visits.  I also have pet insurance for illness and accidents.  I would look into that as well.  They won’t cover preexisting conditions but will cover any other emergencies that spring up. You also need to work out a new financial plan with your husband.   How is he ok watching the person he loves get sick with stress and anxiety because of money??? You don’t make the same amount so why are you taking care of all the pet needs and splitting household bills 50/50?  Time to reevaluate how you split up expenses.  While you’re at it, you can also find a way to split chores so it’s not all on you.  You don’t have to live like this and be this stressed all the time but you do need to speak up and put your foot down.  What you allow is what will continue.  

Post # 11
Member
5015 posts
Bee Keeper

Your pets themselves aren’t the source of your depression and anxiety.  I mean yea, obviously it can taxing and worrisome when pets get older and develop health issues just like humans do.  And the fact that pets can have health problems and they get older should not be a surprising concept and should be one that any pet owner should have planned for by a healthy savings account and pet insurance.  That’s just life.

You seem to be missing the forest for the trees.  You have a financial problem.  You have a shitty husband problem.  You have a bit off more than you can chew problem.  The only thing the pets themselves are contributing to this problem is that you and your husband were selfish and irresponsible in adopting more pets than you can financially handle and devote time to.  You two had no business giving each other pets if you both weren’t prepared to handle their care from a time and finance perspective.  The problem here is the humans, not the pets.  The fact that “his life is pretty simple” means you two aren’t actually partners and are pretty shitty communicators because his life isn’t different from your life if you’re an actual team.  You need to stop blaming the pets and get the humans in this situation into some marriage counseling to learn how to communicate and actually be good partners to each other.  

Post # 11
Member
5015 posts
Bee Keeper

Your pets themselves aren’t the source of your depression and anxiety.  I mean yea, obviously it can be taxing and worrisome when pets get older and develop health issues just like humans do.  The fact that pets can have health problems and they get older should not be a surprising concept and should be one that any pet owner should have planned for by a healthy savings account and pet insurance.  That’s just life.

You seem to be missing the forest for the trees.  You have a financial problem.  You have a shitty husband problem.  You have a bit off more than you can chew problem.  The only thing the pets themselves are contributing to this problem is that you and your husband were selfish and irresponsible in adopting more pets than you can financially handle and devote time to.  You two had no business giving each other pets if you both weren’t prepared to handle their care from a time and finance perspective.  The problem here is the humans, not the pets.  The fact that “his life is pretty simple” means you two aren’t actually partners and are pretty shitty communicators because his life isn’t different from your life if you’re an actual team.  You need to stop blaming the pets and get the humans in this situation into some marriage counseling to learn how to communicate and actually be good partners to each other.  

ETA:  The only part of your story that is a “shock” is a how blind and obtuse you are as to think the pets are the problem here or that their purpose is to be a source of happiness that fixes your issues.  But considering your post a year ago, you having a shitty husband and a marriage with severe communication and teamwork issues is not at all shocking.  Did you ever attend counseling like someone suggested to you a year ago when the issue was you and your husband never took time to actually communicate clearly about kids?  Inability to clearly communicate and listen is now a running theme in your posts.

Post # 13
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
missmagnificent :  

I am terribly sorry for your pets, Bee.

Your puppy listens to your husband because males tend to be more imposing.  Their voices are naturally more commanding, by virtue of their gender. Nothing special about your husband.

I don’t think I have ever advocated rehiring a pet here before.  This time, I could be persuaded. With a very large condition attached.  That would be **only** with the supervision of a responsible third party.  To be blunt, Bee, I would not be willing to put my faith in your judgement and absolutely not in your husband’s, when it comes to evaluating potential adopters.

Rehoming a pet, even a cute puppy is hard. Demand is low; supply is despicably high. There is an exception, however.  There is definitely an interest in procuring puppies and small dogs for pit fighting bait. Which is why you need help with screening.

If you don’t rehome, consult a trainer. Puppies do not come into the world knowing how you expect them to behave.

I don’t need to add to what the other Bees have already said about your husband. I did go back and read your old post.

Please stay on your birth control.

Post # 14
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I agree with the poster above, the pets are not the main cause of the issues. You need to ask your husband to contribute more to the bills, I just went through this with my own husband this week! We have a child and another on the way, I was paying for all our daughters expenses and living paycheck to paycheck while he was fine and he makes 5x what I do. He is now going to direct deposit me money every month because the bills/expenses I pay are things he also doesn’t want to live without. The both of you have a life together which means all bills are both of y’alls responsibility. Sit down together and figure out all the bills see what can be cut back or paid off right now and figure out the % the both of are paying towards the bills and see how much more he may need to either take over or contribute towards. 

I spoke to a few married friends to see how they make finances work, I was given 2 choices. Pool all income together in one account where all the bills come out of and split a specific percentage of funds for each of you as “spending money” after what is calculated for savings as that is separate. Or split all bill 50/50 based on income percentages, this website will help in figuring that out. For my husband and I we didn’t split 50/50 but we did 30/70, since he is salary and I am hourly my income can change drastically especially if I miss due to our child being sick or me having doctors appointments for my pregnancy. Thankfully his more stable income can float whatever life throws at us.

https://www.countcalculate.com/private-and-home-economics/split-payment-according-to-income

Hope this helps! Also I’m going to recommend either getting ride of one or 2 pets to help relieve some financial burden, pets are a luxury and while I do agree pets are forever if you decide to get them. They should also help enrich our lives not make it harder. Tell your husband no more pets.

Post # 15
Member
1840 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Your husband needs to step up in your time of need.  I am have 3 pets- 2 dogs and a cat.  The cat is no trouble at all, but the dogs are NEEDY.  One is 12 and deaf, the other is 11 and requires meds 3x a day for seizures.  They are a high energy breed and require exercise and attention, even as seniors.  I also have a high energy 3 year old child and am pregnant.  I feel like crap from being pregnant.  

Guess what my husband is doing?  Literally everything.  My only job is to keep everyone alive while he is at work.  Then he comes home and cooks, cleans, does laundry, does yardwork, etc.  Because I am struggling and I can’t do it right now.  

Talk to your husband.  Get some help.  Work with your puppy together.  Figure out your finances together.  This is a team thing.  One half of the team can’t swim while the other half is sinking.

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