Anyone Else Get Depressed over Pets?

posted 1 year ago in Pets
Post # 16
Member
2843 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Yeah, sorry to break it to you bee but you don’t have a pet problem, you have a husband problem. Animals get sick. That is just part of having pets and you have to consider that before bringing new pets into your home. I will never be an advocate of rehoming unless in extreme circumstances. Yours is not extreme. The puppy needs trained and your husband needs to man up and take responsibility for more household chores to take the burden off of your shoulders. Marriage is supposed to be about building an intimate support system within one another. Your husband is failing to do so financially and emotionally. 

Post # 17
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

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missmagnificent :  No, just no. Pets are part of a household, they are a household expenditure. Your husband should be taking care of at least half of those expenses. Don’t let him get away with saying they are YOUR pets. 

Your husband is incredibly selfish and cheap. He doesn’t help you at all. Why would you add a child to that, if your husband is child enough? He needs to grow up, and I think you probably need to grow a backbone. 

Post # 18
Member
7 posts
Newbee

I have a ferret called Cookie! I get soooo depressed over my pets sometimes. I rescue animals, I am equipped to and never take on more than I can, it’s just super stressful sometimes! I adore animals, and it makes my soul feel good, but gosh, when they’re sick or something it’s super stressful and depressing

Post # 19
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I agree this sounds like a husband problem. Have you considered couples therapy?

Post # 20
Member
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You don’t have a pet problem, you have a marriage problem. If you make less, have more bills, work harder and your husband doesn’t understand why you’re depressed then you’ve got much deeper issues. 

Post # 21
Member
13653 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’d deal with the cheap, lazy husband first. He’s your problem. 

Post # 22
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

Just a general observation. I have several friends who have multiple pets. I myself have always been a dog lover. But my two friends I believe have so many pets because they need to feel needed and like to see themselves as saviors and rescuers. Both work with rescue groups. I am not saying it is a bad thing but it can almost become an addiction. I have seen it have negative effects on their marriages. We all have limits on time, money for vets and the time to give all the attention pets need. I wouldn’t get rid of the pets you already have but I would be careful about getting more pets in the future. That being said, ask your husband to do specific things to help you with the pets and other chores. I also realize you may have more debt that your husband. Can you contribute less than 50 percent to household expenses so you can eliminate some debt? You are under a lot of pressure. 

Post # 23
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

Even if you take the pets out of the equation, you still have a horrible partner. 

A personal pet peeve/ red flag for me is when one half of a couple is comfortable enjoying a better lifestyle/ financial disparity than their spouse. He’s perfectly fine with you struggling to pay your half of the household bills plus a host of other costs, while he’s sitting flush with higher wages, savings, and discretionary income. That right there is a cheap, stingy hearted look-out-for-number-one dude. 

On top of this he somehow thinks it’s fair for him to come home from work and put his feet up while you run yourself ragged. This is insensitive, arrogant and -again- selfish. 

Okay, now to put the pets back into the equation- he lives with these pets too and yet takes zero responsibility for them and doesn’t appear to have bonded with them at all, his attitude seems to be “I’ll tolerate their presence, barely, but with the understanding that I don’t have to care for them in any way.” I’ll monitor myself for potential TOS violations here and keep what I think of him regarding this in my head (but feel free to insert your own creative adjectives). 

To be blunt, I don’t advise couples therapy because I don’t think this would change much, if anything. Couples therapy can help you work through issues, but it’s not going to change his deep core character- and frankly his character is ugly. 

If you want to be happy and enjoy your young adulthood, it’s totally possible to do with pets (and some puppy training), but it’s not possible to do with a misogynist douchebag watching from his comfortable armchair as you get crushed by the financial and emotional stress of trying to take on everything on your own. I know it sounds glib to toss out ‘divorce’ on a message board, but better to go through divorce than to go through life miserably chained to an unacceptable partner. 

Post # 24
Hostess
4629 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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crustyoldbee :  A personal pet peeve/ red flag for me is when one half of a couple is comfortable enjoying a better lifestyle/ financial disparity than their spouse.  THIS.  

OP, I make twice as much as my husband.  Our checks are direct deposited into our joint account and we decide together what our discretionary income will go to and how much we each will get of “fun money” each month.  We each get the same amount of “fun money” and can spend it on whatever we want.  We decide on our savings goals together and I help him pay down his massive student loans (I do not have any).  We are a team. 

I know that completely joint finances don’t work for every marriage, but what is happening to you right now is messed up.  I would be devastated if I found out my D.H. was living like you are and not telling me, but I also would never expect him to spend only *his* money on our pet.  I agree with the other bees that you have a husband problem, not a pet problem.  If he is not willing to share the financial burden with you, I would seriously reconsider this relationship as that would be a huge character issue for me.  

Post # 25
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Oh hon, I completely understand.  I don’t think it is the pets that are stressing you out, I think it is your financial arrrangement in your marriage.  Have you had a serious conversation with your husband about this? 

Post # 26
Member
8913 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

The problem isn’t the pets, it’s your husband. Mine would never let me financially struggle and take on the burden of all the work. We are a team. Yes, I had 2 of our 3 cats before we met, but we share the cost and the burden of looking after them when they are ill, feeding them, caring for them as we do with all housework etc. 

Post # 27
Member
3066 posts
Sugar bee

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missmagnificent :  I unfortunately agree with everyone else

the pets are not the source of your depression/stress. A sympton of the problem, sure. But not the source. 

I have 3 pets (dog, cat, rabbit) and yes we have dealt wih surgery to remove any eye, fox tail in the ear, upper respitory infections, getting nuetered, hip surgery, bee stings, rattlesnake bites

it sucks and we also dont have pet insurance. Everytime we have looked into it, the rates didnt make sense to us however we will probably consider as they get older. 

EVERYTIME we have got through it together. There was never a question of who pays, we discuss it and decide whos card (or credit card) to put it on. We have set up care credit and paid it off, when needed. It is a family responsibility, not individual. 

I feed them in the morning, he feeds them in the evening. He takes out the dogs for more walks, i usually handle the bunny cage. Whoever is closer to target gets to buy the food. 

same goes for housework. In fact, i hate to admit but he probably does more than me. But the main focus is we are a team. There have been times where we say “hey i need x amount to cover the mortgage or can you cover the cable this month instead” because even though we have separate finances, we are on the same team. 

I think you need to sit down and let your husband know you are struggling to keep up with expenses/household chores and discuss splitting a little more evenly. 

I know pets are different than kids – really i do. But i would still be hesitant to have a family with someone who i cant trust to help me take care of the house/baby. 

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