(Closed) Anyone else getting harassed to make babies?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Haddonfield, NJ

I had someone ask us the night we got engaged. I was just happily staring at my new sparkles and one of our friends came up and asked when I was having my FIRST baby.

I was like WHOA, how about I walk down the aisle first?! 

 

I won’t be able to have kids, so it’s kind of a painful reminder of that every time someone asks. I wish things like that were taken into account before people shoved their noses in my uterus. 

Post # 17
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

mrsheathbar:  

oh god, yes. I don’t understand why people feel it’s ok to harras a woman when are they getting married and when are they having kids… 

 

1) it’s take two to agreed getting married and usually it’s from the guys. 2) same goes to having kids, man is a critical factor.

 

I always just re-direct those question to my Darling Husband and usually when my Darling Husband said politely say not now. They will shut up. 

Or I just give them a general standard answer… we want to wait and we are happy the way we are now. 

 

Post # 18
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Ashelynn Manor

Family has been asking this question since before we even got engaged! And of course at my bridal shower recently, all my aunts asked “the next shower will be a baby shower RIGHT?!” My fiance and I are 23, JUST graduated college in December, and are trying to buy a house and start our careers at the same time. we hope to wait at LEAST a year after the wedding before we start trying, but it all depends on whether or not our house and career plans go off without a hitch. At only 23, we have PLENTY of time left and I wish people would keep their mouths shut! Especially since I tend to have raging baby fever, their comments just make it worse! Sorry for being responsible and wanting to have our lives in order before welcoming a child into the world!

Post # 19
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yep…

Before we got engaged, plenty of people were asking us about kids…instead of asking us when we’d ever get married. 

After we got engaged, my Aunt asked me if we even wanted kids because I was 28 and didn’t have any.  She said she always assumed I just didn’t want children.  I told her I did, and that we wanted to wait until after the wedding…she told me I wasn’t a spring chicken anymore and that I needed to hurry up. 

After our reception speeches, my mom yelled out “and give me more grandbabies!!”

We’ve been TTC since January 2014, and have had no luck.  At first when people asked, we just blew it off with “Eventually we’ll have kids!” Eventually it got to the point with some family (mostly DH’s aunts and cousins) to where I snapped at Thanksgiving and pretty much told them that it just doesn’t happen that quickly for some people, and unless they wanted to contribute $ to our fertility testing, then they need not ask us again…it was none of their business. 

DH’s cousin was drunk one night and proceeded to tell everyone that I was pregnant because we were all at a bar playing pool and I wasn’t drinking. SMH

Post # 20
Member
5188 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

His family started nagging us about babies before we were even engaged (having children out of wedlock is the norm for them). Thing is, I can’t for medical reasons. It tears me up inside because I would love to have children but those were the cards I was dealt. People ask us ‘when’ all the time. I don’t feel like sharing my business so I just say “when we’re ready”. 

Post # 21
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

The day we got married! 3 hours after saying I DO. People were already saying and asking about babies. I was like hold on let me enjoy this life changing day. It’s been two years now (been together total of 8) and everyone feels like it’s their business, including my boss! I’m pretty sure I really really want a baby, but I feel it’s only responsible to wait until we both make a little bit more money, have better jobs, or at least can afford a two bedroom and daycare. 

Their comments make me upset and sad. I think asking is quite rude as they don’t know if we try buy can’t or maybe won’t be able to. Has anyone figured out a good answer to their pestering? I usually just say not yet or someday, but that doesn’t seem to stop them from asking. 

Post # 22
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I highly recommend telling family that one of your jobs is in jeopardy – that changed the game for me!

Post # 23
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Ugh YES and it’s soooooo annoying!!  My family is the worst, his I am not close with so I have actually not seen or talked to them since the wedding 3 months ago.  My dad text me the day after we got married and said “Is it a boy or a girl”??!!  Really?!  He has mentioned it every time I have seen him since we got married!  I am 35 so everyone thinks it’s their place to let me know that my time is running out and I better hurry up!  It’s so ridiculous and rude.  I am not even sure I want one so I’d love if they’d leave me alone to decide for myself.  My husband is great he just says whatever I want he wants haha so at least I don’t have any stress there! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 24
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2015

mrsheathbar:  I feel you! Fiance and I have been dating for 8 years. We both come from big families, but neither of us are sure if we want babies. Our families know this, but this doesn’t stop them from asking everytime there is a family get together. I think they are hoping to change our minds. 

Post # 25
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We are not having kids and after we got married both of our parents were asking when we were going to have kids or saying things like “can’t wait for grandkids!”. I told my parents flat out that we aren’t having children (I have a brother who has already said that he and his wife are planning on having kids so I think that softened the blow – they will have grandkids, just not from us). Not sure if my husband told his family but they haven’t bugged us about it for a long time (they already have a few grandkids).

Post # 26
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

About half of our family has been asking when we’re having kids ever since we’ve been married.  We haven’t even been married two years yet and we’re both young (I’m 25, he’s 24).  However, the other half has been telling us “don’t rush it” and “wait 7-8 years” and “you’ll regret it if you have kids in your 20’s.”

Post # 27
Member
2870 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

We are, and not even married yet. Sadly I cannot wait to pop out a child, so my pressure into my Fi isn’t helping.

 

We agreed on starting in Nov 2016, but I’m hoping to break him by June. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 28
Member
1954 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Almost daily lol. I just take it in stride. Hubby’s family mean well, and I just put it down to them being happy for us. Does it get annoying? Sure, but I just turn it back on them. “We’ll have our first after you pop out another one.” That normally keeps them quiet ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 29
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We were getting harassed at first, but now DH’s family is seeing how good we are doing by trying to plan as accordingly as possible, and now they’ve left us alone. My family? Symptom checking every month on me LOL!

Post # 30
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception / Courtyard Marriott Legacy Ballroom

A couple months before we got married, his family started making jokes and little comments about having kids soon – we’re both in our 30s, so our plan has always been to just let it happen if it happens, but I still got really annoyed that his family kept bringing it up! As soon as we got married, DH’s mom changed her cover picture on Facebook to a picture she took – it was a poster she had made of a picture of us from our save the date that was leaning on a sign that said “Watch for Children”. His dad also wanted to buy us a tricycle for our future kid. I kept thinking “but what if we end up not being able to have children?” I understand that Darling Husband is their oldest son and could be their only possibility for grandchildren – his younger brothers are not at all settled or ready for serious relationships anytime soon – but I feel pretty pressured to produce a grandchild for them.

All the unsolicited advice from older married women has also been super annoying to me. Most of them have told me we should wait a couple years, but I don’t want to have my first baby at 35+ years of age, so I just smile and then discard their advice.

Thankfully, my family doesn’t bring it up at all. Well, except for my grand aunt joking that we might expect a baby in February (if we had a honeymoon baby) the day after our wedding. That’s all I’ve heard from them. My SIL just had their 3rd baby in May, so my Mom is pretty preoccupied with her current grandbabies to worry about whether we’ll give her more soon.

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