Post # 1
Any of the DIY stuff I’ve done so far have been done by my Fiance and I haha. I expected my BMs to help out a lot but, nope, nothing so far. The one day they were all supposed to come to my house to help me with stuff, they all backed out on me. It doesn’t help that none of them live in my town, but two of them are only 1 hour away. The other is 3 hours away and the other lives on the other side of the country lol. But I just feel like they’re kinda sucking @ their Bridesmaid or Best Man duties.
When I was freaking out because the dress store ordered my dress in the wrong colour, they just said things like “oh well. Im sure no one will notice!” instead of trying to help me right the wrong. It was actually a rather new friend of mine who I just met this year who stepped up to help me get the dress colour changed (love her!) and she’s not even a part of my wedding lol. She also has offered numerous times to help me with DIYs.
My Maid/Matron of Honor (who lives 1 hr away) has always said shes so excited to get started on DIY projects but then always backs out or doesn’t offer to come help me with stuff. Its kind of frustrating. I do admit that its nice to have my Fiance and my friend who helped with the dress colour change because they live in my town and can help but I was looking forward to bonding time with my BMs over crafts. 🙁
And it doesnt help that we arent going Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping together either. I want them to have vintage looking dresses so they’re ordering theirs online. 3 of my 5 BMs have gone online dress hunting. The other two, one is my sister who is a drug addict (Im trying to find a way to relieve her of her Bridesmaid or Best Man duties b/c I just dont trust her to be sober on my wedding) and the other lives 3 hrs away and doesnt have $$ to buy a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress online so she insists her fashion designer friend will make one but we’ve been waiting for sketches from him for the past 3 months and still nothing.
In short, my BMs are stressing me out more than anything else about the wedding! Haha. Anyone else feeling like this?
Post # 3
Breathe. Did you make your expecations clear from the start? I don’t expect my girls to help me with my DIY projects unless they ask. That’s something you decided to take on. Your wedding is not until June. They have plenty of time to get the dresses. The store ordered the wrong color and you wanted your BM’s to fix it? How were they suppose to do that?
I think you need to drink a hot cup of tea and relax. ^_^
Post # 4
did you tell them your expectations of help with the DIY stuff prior to making them your BM’s? I mean I am pretty busy anyway, but to drive two hours or .. six? to help do some DIY stuff, is something i’d be hard pressed to squeeze in. I’m lost in how they were supposed to help you fix the color of your dress. you ordered it…
You still have lots of time to get it all worked out.
Post # 5
I got absolutely no help from my BMs what-so-ever. At first I assumed that it was because it wasn’t my first wedding or because I was an older bride. Surprise! It is a very common problem. The first time I got married, BMs were fully expected to help with planning, DIY, etc. That’s what it meant to be a BM! Now-a-days it seems all a Bridesmaid or Best Man is “required” to do is show up on the wedding day! I must admit that I still feel a tad resentful about it and I certainly hope none of them ask me for assistance with their weddings because I know exactly what I am going to say! However I can tell you I had a great sense of pride when all was said and done because my beautiful wedding was a product of my time and energies!
Post # 6
I didn’t get much help from my Maid/Matron of Honor (the only bridesmaid) until the day of the wedding, but I also did not ask anything of her. Some people just get more excited by weddings and more enjoy the “work” that goes into them than others. Some people who have never been a bridesmaid or bride before also have no clue of what a bridesmaid traditionally does, unless it is explained to them.
If you want to put your bridesmaids to work, then pick people who you know will enjoy it. If you want to honor your closest friends, then don’t expect work from them if you know weddings aren’t their thing. I personally did not ask my Maid/Matron of Honor to do much of anything because I knew that she did not really like weddings. I just wanted her to stand up for me on the day of. OTOH, I had a different close friend who was not even a bridesmaid, but who loves weddings and planning, and she ended up going out of her way to do things like throw me a bachelorette without my even asking.
The bottom line is, don’t expect your friends to do wedding crafts and similar things with you unless a) you know that they enjoy doing those things, and b) you have clearly communicated to them that you expect them to help you with them.
Post # 7
Yeah my BMs werent really a big help either. Just like bluespurrs, I always thought that the role of a Bridesmaid or Best Man was to be there to assist the bride throughout the planning process and most importantly on the wedding day. My BMs didnt help with DIY projects, they never really asked me about anything going on with the wedding, they chose ugly Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses even when I told them they could choose their own brown dresses and then complained about how they didnt like the dresses, they didnt help with ANYTHING during the weekend of my wedding (For example – we had hundred of sunflowers to cut and put into mason jars and my mom and I were doing this just 2 hours before my rehearsal dinner while 2 of my BMs literally just stood there and watched and didnt even offer to help!) I had even bought my Maid/Matron of Honor a Maid of Honor book and we talked about things she could help me out with but it never came to fruition. Anyways, I was really bitter about it right after my wedding because I felt like during the wedding weekend I was doing a LOT of stuff on my own and felt a little slighted. At this point it doesnt matter but it still boggles my mind that it had to be that way. It basically just makes me want to be the best Bridesmaid or Best Man ever if I am ever a part of a bridal party!
Post # 8
I’m sorry you’re frustrated, but I don’t think it’s really fair for you to expect your BM’s to help you with DIY projects. It’s your wedding, not theirs. And I’m sure they are excited for you but they just might not be DIY people. Or really into weddings. That doesn’t mean that they don’t love you and aren’t excited for the wedding.
I think you just need to adjust your expectations a little bit.
Post # 9
I got pretty much no actual, tangible help from my BMs (granted, I did zero DIY projects and they did show up to try on dresses multiple times!), but they were invaluable in emotional support which mattered way more to me. Do you feel like you’re getting that from them, or are they just not there for you at all? Because I think that’s a much bigger problem than if they’re not doing any DIY stuff.
Post # 10
I agree with the other PP, if you didn’t set out your expectations when you asked them then you don’t have much to be upset about. I don’t think part of BM’s duties is helping out with DIY’s. It’s nice if they do but its not expected. My BM’s all live 3 hours away from me so I would never expect them to drive to me and help me with DIY. Its just gonna be me and Fiance (likely just me).
Post # 11
Well, I haven’t gotten much help from mine yet, but that’s because I haven’t had a major project to need help with. They’ve been a little absent when it comes to interest in the wedding planning, but we’re all really busy and I can relate.
I think that maybe you should really express to them that you need their help, and that you’re getting frustrated. They should get the picture then.
Good luck sweetie.
Post # 12
I didn’t have BMs. I did not have help from said imaginary BMs. It was drama-free and amazing. I would re-evaluate your expectations, because it seems like they are standing in the way of your happiness!
Post # 13
Erm, their only “duties” are to buy the dress and show up. Unless you’ve asked them to help and they’ve agreed that they can/are willing to help, you don’t really have much of a reason to be upset with them not following through.
Post # 14
Oh wow. Haha. I wasnt expecting to get jumped on!
My BMs were all excited to help me with DIY stuff. We had all these big plans to have craft nights right from the get go, as soon as they agreed to be BMs! So they knew what they were getting themselves into and were actually looking forwad to helping me at one time. But none of them have been there for me so far in regards to this kind of stuff. So that’s why I’m upset!
And yes, I know my wedding is still 6 months away. But my Maid/Matron of Honor is planning on moving a province away (read: I wont see her til the wedding) so she’s not going to be anywhere nearby to help me for the down to the wire craft stuff. And Im the kind of person who likes to get stuff done as soon as the idea comes into my mind so Im not going to be waiting until the last minute to do everything. I work full time during the day and some evenings and also am a mother to a two year old, I cant afford to wait until last minute to do this stuff. I have to do it when I have time to do it and spare time is really rare to come by these days. That’s why when we plan DIY days, which they all act excited for, I’d like for them to show up. I mean, it’s not a hard concept to grasp.
The thing is I have expressed to them that I’m strsesed and they KNOW I want to get stuff done!! I can’t be any more clear about it.
I didnt come here to get told I’m overreacting. I was looking for people to relate to me.
@Miss Tattoo: Haha. No. I didnt expect them ot fix my dress problem. I expected them to sympathize with me not say I’m overreacting. I just spent $2000 on a dress. I wanted it to be the right colour! My friend who’s not my Bridesmaid or Best Man helped me get the colour changed to the one it’s supposed to be and Ive only been friends with her for like two months. She took it upon herself to call the store while I was at work at bitch at them for me haha.
@PitBulLover: Yuck. What a terrible experience! If my BMs flake out on my wedding day, there will be hell to pay haha. They know already how stressed I am already about everything! That was nice of your mom to help! I’ve also vowed to help as much as possible if I ever become a Bridesmaid or Best Man haha.
Post # 15
Also, I added the part about not being able to go Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping with them because that’s often a bonding experience for a bride and her bridesmaids and we’re mssing out on that. My Maid/Matron of Honor came with me dress shopping a few times but wasn’t with me when I decided on thee dress! Which is fine by me.
I guess part of my disappointment just comes from how far my friends and I have separated over the past few years too. Ive been stood up many a times by them since having my daughter so Im a little bitter about that. But I expected them to help me a bit more with the wedding since they were all so excited about it!
Post # 16
I have been a bridesmaid more times than I can remember, and I have never helped with DIY projects. I guess I have mostly thought that DIY means exactly that — do it yourself. I have thrown showers, worn bizarre dresses including a hoop skirt and half-gloves and numerous bad hats, and been there for middle of the night panic attack calls, but crafts have never been required. I get that you are disappointed, but I have to say that from my experience, craft projects are not assumed to be at the top of the Bridesmaid or Best Man duty list. And I don’t think you were jumped on here at all — I think people are trying to nicely explain that your idea of a Bridesmaid or Best Man may not be what everyone’s would be.