(Closed) Anyone else getting pissed with waiting? MAJOR VENT

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Without too much discussion? Who said there shouldn’t be discussion? Fiance and I discussed it to death, and when I told him I was ready for a ring, he started saving. It was all very much in the open, which is the way I like it: I don’t need to be surprised about my future.

Post # 4
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

Awww, I was there, I know how it feels.  A lot of time during my “wait” (FI had the ring 3+ months before giving it to me!) I’d take a break from wedding related sites (like this one even though I ADORE WB).  It’ll happen, I can’t wait to read about it!

Post # 5
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Sigh. Sucks to be women sometimes eh? Although I’m sure when he does finally do it you will NOT slap him. ๐Ÿ™‚ Honestly if you’re so upset at this point that you think the proposal will be ruined then maybe you should just tell him all this. I have the same feelings obviously, but time is not such an issue (I am 24 and I don’t want to even think about the k-word until I’m 30), and I feel like I can handle the waiting/venting on wb to let my guy do his thing. It’s your engagement too, though, and if the waiting is that upsetting maybe its just best to get it out there!

 

(hugs)

Post # 6
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

i TOTALLY agree!!! that was my main argument when i was waiting…I mean, I was a freakin women’s studies major in college and here I am, sitting here WAITING for him to propose with no say in the decision! We have been brought up with the idea that we are strong, independent women who can do anything we want and to not have any control in this pretty major life-decision was awful! personally, i think it’s a stupid tradition and would have much preferred to help FH pick out the ring together and decide when to get engaged together but he felt very strongly about the surprise element of getting engaged and that this was “his thing”….It caused a lot of tension between us for several months bc i am used to being in control of my own life and having to wait for HIS timeline was so frustrating to this liberated chica!

Post # 7
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Does he have the ring and he’s making you “wait” until he has the perfect proposal? Have you already discussed getting married, etc? Have you talked about your internal timeline for the way you thought/want things to happen? If he has no clue this is how you feel, tell him.

Also… why do you have to wait for HIM to propose? Propose to him, instead.

Post # 8
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

Yes i love control – it makes me a nervous wreck to not know yet here I am wondering and waiting with no freaking say. And the ring is in the house but still can’t see it or have it or talk about it. I waited over 6 years and I consider myself a liberated women but it infuriates me that this is his thing and I can’t participate.

Post # 9
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@marigold I made that comment in response to another post in which the girl was talking about “hinting” to her boyfriend that she is ready to be engaged by leaving open web browsers with rings, etc. I know that some women do/are able to have open conversations about “I’m ready to get married now.” but still, I think that a lot of women have that fear when they are dating a guy that marriage talk will scare him away or make him feel pressured or something. There is also some notion that having an open discussion about it all makes it somehow less romantic. In my situation, we have not had a clear discussion about it all but we’ve been able to each let each other know where we stand. I was just talking about the overall vibe women get that we’re supposed to just plod through our relationships without pushing the m-word and one day be totally surprised with a big rock. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

For all this talk about being liberated, I get the feeling that you don’t really believe it.  A fully liberated person would just ask the guy in question, ‘are we going to get married, or aren’t we’.  I don’t want to sound like I’m mocking anyone’s beliefs, but truly, the whole notion of having the perfect proposal and the perfect surprise and the perfect ‘oh my god yes’ moment is kind of overrated.  I blame TV and movies.  You don’t even need a ring.  If you and your guy want to be engaged, be engaged.  What worries me is, if you haven’t had this discussion yet, you may not even know if he’s willing to do this or not.  And honestly, some people don’t believe in marriage, so unless you know this about him….you might be waiting in vain. 

Post # 12
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I know that this isn’t going to be a popular answer, but honestly I think one thing that makes the waiting worse is all the wedding planning that all the “waiting” women seem to do. When my husband and I were talking about marriage, I flipped through a magazine or two, but I never went dress shopping, I didn’t spend a ton of time on the blogs {there weren’t any anyway!} I wasn’t doing research or booking things early. It made the process a whole lot more enjoyable and it wasn’t the focus of my life that it seems to be for a lot of “waiting” women. Just take it day by day! 

Post # 13
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

@Corgitales: I see what you’re saying and I understand that this is the more common school of thought–that to discuss engagement prior to being engaged takes away the romance. I just reject the starting premise. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m with you Crebre80.

But I feel I have the power.  For if I feel he’s waited too long I can take matters into my own hands and move forward without him if I so choose but I know he’s gonna ask.

I am just not going shopping or putting any $$ down at all on anything big..but I do have my shoes though! 

He knows what has to happen and within what timeframe that is acceptable to me.  It is as simple as that. 

Post # 16
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

this is a pretty personal thing, but at this point if you’re very upset maybe you could talk to him about it?  there may be a very valid reason that he’s waiting (to save up money, until he moves, waiting for winter holidays, whatever). hearing his side may take away a lot of the anxiety.

i once in a while joked to my guy about setting a date and that i “decided” that we were engaged without a ring, but honestly i knew it would come in time. i knew we were going to spend our lives together, and recognized that part of the reason i wanted to get engaged was to start planning our wedding (shallow, i know), so it wasn’t too big a deal. he had the ring for over a year before he proposed. a friggin year. oh, and we had picked it out 2 years prior. lazy man.

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